I've been with Mr. Octo for eight years. Most of the time, it doesn't feel like that long, or like that big of a deal. Our day-to-day life together is pretty uneventful: a cup of coffee, a load of laundry, bills paid, maybe a movie, maybe a long walk.
I feel like the preparations for our wedding have given us the opportunity to transcend that. I have been reflecting on, and really feeling, the weight of our past and our future and our family and our friends in a way that I usually do not. I had my iPod on shuffle a few days ago, and a song came on that I hadn't heard or thought about in years. It was a song that was very meaningful to me when I studied abroad in college because it reminded me so much of him. I would lay in bed at night, in the dark, and listen to the song, and try to cry quietly enough not to wake up my roommate because I missed him so much. Normally I think about my student loans, whether or not Daffodil needs more food, what Mr. Octo might like for dinner, if I've exercised enough times that week. When I heard that song, I paused and was stricken: I have loved this man very, very, very much, for a very, very, very long time.
I am just overwhelmed by the feeling of the history we have together, and the history with our own families and our own friends, who are now all here together. We are building a family. It seems like such a simple thing--I mean, families are pretty much one of the oldest and most fundamental social structures in the world--but this week I have been blown away with the feeling of how powerful having and creating a family really is. I have never felt so obviously, visibly, tangibly loved as I have this week, and the wedding hasn't even started yet.
I'm marrying the man I love today, and all my friends and his friends are here, and all of my family and his family is here, and it's amazing. I'm so excited (SO excited, in fact, that I fell asleep at 12:30 AM, woke up at 4:30 AM, and did not sleep for an instant afterwards, ARGH!). I'm so happy that I could cry right now, here in my hotel bed.....but I'll save that for Heinz Chapel.
I'll see you all soon. And when I do, I'll be a WIFE!
*Post title is an homage to the fact that this is it, as in, our wedding day is here. But also to the fact that my go-to background noise during my many, many, many hours of wedding planning was the Michael Jackson documentary of the same name. I must have watched it seven times in total in the past few months. One of the things I will definitely remember from our engagement is Mr. Octo coming home and exclaiming, "again?!"