Debauchery in Boston

It's been two days now since my bachelorette party, and I think I've recovered enough to recap it for all of you. Phew. Okay. Oh, also. This post contains photos of a few saucy images and some dirty words. You've been warned!

The events of the party were kept a giant secret from me, but I knew that there was lots of behind-the-scenes planning going on. I was instructed to arrive at a Marriott in a perfect, central downtown Boston location, and here's what I found:






Slices of cheese, my favorite orange cheese-flavored food, a pint of pub cheese, and French onion dip. Oh, bridesmaids. You know me too well.

The girls had worked so hard to secure an awesome room, decorate it, and prepare us some goody bags and slammin' t-shirts! YAY! Here's the contents of the bags:



And here are our t-shirts. The girls opted to decorate our bachelorette party gear with a selection of the rules listed in the movie "Wedding Crashers", and, for what it's worth, they earned us a LOT of attention later that night:













We hung out in the room for a while, popping bottles of champagne, playing a version of The Newlywed Game (I had to drink when I was told Mr. Octopus said his favorite food was spicy Thai kettle chips. LIES! It is totally hot dogs), and enjoying the views from our gorgeous room.






Views of the harbor and the North End! Be still my heart!

Eventually, we suited up in our shirts and headed out to our dinner, a five-course tasting menu at Tremont 647. Sadly, we were stricken with a slight tragedy at that point: my poor sister/MOH, who has been working her butt off for months planning this party, suddenly came down with a bout of food poisoning or stomach flu or something. Almost as soon as we were seated at the restaurant, she had to leave, and didn't make it to any of the events for the rest of the night. It breaks my heart that she worked so hard to put it all together and then didn't get to enjoy almost any of the party with us! You'll see in a minute how fabulously the night turned out, so be sure to let her know in the comments what a good job she did, even though she didn't get to be there!

(Also, side note? Mr. Octopus drove us all down to the hotel with our bags at the beginning of the party, turned right around as soon as he got home and came back to bring me the wallet (and ID) I had forgotten, drove to a different Boston locale a few hours later to pick my sister up at the restaurant and drop her off at the hotel, then drove back down to the hotel a few hours after that to pick her up and bring her to our apartment when she realized that she wasn't getting any better and didn't want to be sick in the hotel room when we got back. I am, for reals, marrying the kindest, most selfless man alive.)

Anyway, our tasting menu at Tremont 647 was awesome, and the service was really attentive and great. As an FYI to anyone who might be considering it, my sister informed me later that they were a nightmare to deal with in the weeks leading up to the party, but you wouldn't have known it from the dinner we had. Our meal was topped off by a gorgeous cake:







And then, after dinner, OHHHH MG. Here's something I am certain that I have not shared with the hive before, but something that my bridesmaids know well indeed: your friend Octopus mothereffing LOVES drag queens. LOOOOVVEEEEES. I love the dancing, the sparkly outfits, the raunchy jokes, and the strong emphasis on being the most confident, fabulous creature in the room. My bridesmaids (particularly Clara and Erica, with whom I have patronized a drag show or seven over the years) rose to the occasion, and we headed to Jacques' Cabaret!

Here's another tip if you, like me, love drag shows: we didn't know this beforehand, but Jacques' Cabaret is a major hot spot for bachelorette parties. I had to be one of fifteen brides-to-be celebrating there that night, easily. Reservations to get a table sell out months in advance, so unless your party is set in stone, like, six months beforehand, you probably will have a hard time landing a table. Your best bet is to arrive very early for the show and wait in line outside. We got in and got seats at the bar with no problems, but I'd say a good forty people got turned away.

Another tip: Jacques' bartenders mix a very strong drink. Don't think that just because your cranberry and vodka comes in a tiny cup and tastes good that it's harmless. I think you'll get the idea in a moment.

First event of the night: all the birthday celebrators and all the bachelorettes get invited on stage to be interrogated and teased by the hostess. She helpfully informed me that there are great sex clubs in my honeymoon destination, Montreal (thanks, but no thanks!).



Right before the show got started. Innocent enough, yes?





Well, here we are about four cocktails deep, feeling AWESOME:





Here I am tipping one of the performers. This is basically my favorite photo ever taken.



Towards the end of the show, it gravitated less towards staged numbers, and the performers mostly came out to interact with audience members, dance with them, and, of course, get some tips.


Please note the two blue-shirted members of my party having a GRAND old time. Atta girl!

That song that goes "shots! shots! shots!" came on, and performer Destiny took note of the fact that Bridesmaid Erica had nearly a full beer in hand, and dragged her up on stage to chug the entire thing in front of the crowd. She did it, of course, because she's a champ.



Here is Erica's best "I just guzzled a Corona because this gorgeous drag queen made me" face. I am so glad I caught this moment on film.



After the show ended, we (reluctantly) left Jacques' Cabaret and headed to a bar in downtown Boston close to our hotel, where we were absolutely pounced upon by a swarm of the backwards-hatted, polo-shirted bros that downtown Boston bars are a bit notorious for. They were nice enough, but were quite insistent on trying to buy us lots and lots of alcohol, which I was equally insistent that my poor beleaguered bloodstream could not handle any more of.


I'll just toast with this sensible glass of water, thanks!

Bridesmaid Erica and I are the old married (or, in my case, soon-to-be-married) ladies of the group and eventually got tired of the relentless invitations to do Jaeger bombs, so we rolled out a little early to head back to the hotel and eat Doritos in bed while watching TLC. The rest of the girls stayed out and mingled 'til last call. Champs!

The next day, we took full advantage of our late 2 PM checkout to lay in bed, eat bland foods, watch wedding shows on TLC, and moan. Ooof.

Thank you, Octo-Bridesmaids, for an absolutely amazing weekend that was more than I ever could have asked for! And we missed you all night, MOH/Sister Lauren! I had a truly glorious time!

What did you do for your bachelorette party? Also, do you love drag queens too? THEY'RE SO TALL AND SASSY!