What to Do About My Wedding Band?: The End

Hokay, FIRST of all?! I miss you so much, Hive! Not even kidding, I was overcome with glee when I cracked open the ol' wedding blog to write this post. YAY! WEDDINGBEE!

Okay, but actually, I decided to drop by because I thought I should share the wrap-up of the saga of my wedding band, since you all were so helpful throughout the entire bummer of a process. The conclusion I eventually came to about the whole thing is not quite what I thought it would be, but it's a conclusion nonetheless, so here goes.

If you weren't around at the time I wrote about this, or forgot what happened, here's a semi-quick recap of my wedding band situation:

* I felt a little lost about what kind of wedding band to wear. In order to get the flush-fit look (which I like), I would need a ring with a significant dent in it (which I don't like). Then, I decided to wear my engagement ring on my right hand, and pick out whatever kind of wedding ring struck my fancy for my left hand.

* My parents gave me a gift certificate to a jeweler in my hometown, and I went to him seeking a custom ring in the delicate, floral filigree style I had come to love.

Image via Fay Cullen.

* The jeweler indicated that he could create something like what I was envisioning and sent me some sketches.

* Surprise! Two days before the wedding, we picked up the ring and discovered that the jeweler actually couldn't really bring the idea I had to life!

* Given the time crunch, I had no choice but to use the ring in our wedding ceremony. I tried to convince myself to like it, but really, I knew all along that it was not what I wanted.

* I returned the ring for a full refund (because, I think, the jeweler also knew all along that it was not what I wanted), and I had to decide where to go from there. The original ring I loved was very expensive, but I hadn't really seen anything that I liked as much.

So here we are, eight months (!!!) past our wedding, and I guess you could say I've finally answered the question of What To Do About My Wedding Band? Answer: for the time being, I'm not getting a wedding ring at all.

I didn't have any kind of lightning-bolt moment where I thought, EUREKA! I'm not going to wear a wedding ring! It just sort of happened. After the wedding, I felt no urgency to replace my custom-made hot mess. Like, none. It rarely-to-never crossed my mind. I very occasionally thought, "I guess I should find a new wedding band now..." and half-heartedly searched a little and gave up. Because here's the thing: I love my engagement ring. I LOVE it. I have been wearing it for over two years now, and my torrid love affair with it shows no signs of diminishing in passion. I guess I just felt that I already HAVE a ring, given to me by Mr. Octo, which I love and adore and think is a beautiful fabulous dazzling aquamarine dream, that is symbolic of our commitment. I don't really need or want another one. So....there you go.

I voiced this aloud for the first time last month, when we were visiting my parents and my mom asked if I was ever going to get a wedding ring. I explained that no, actually, I didn't think I wanted one--I love wearing my engagement ring, and it serves basically the same symbolic purpose as a wedding band, so I just didn't feel any desire to spend money on a new ring. Then, I gave a little side-eye to Mr. Octo, who was also hearing me say this for the first time. What did he think of his wife not wearing a wedding ring? He responded exactly how I anticipated he would: "Whatevs. Doesn't matter me one way or another, as long as you're happy."

(Incidentally, Mr. Octo also has not been wearing a wedding band for the past five months....because he lost his. He stuck it in his back pocket to do the dishes one night, then also stuck his wallet in the same pocket. He forgot to put his ring back on, then went out to do some errands. In the process of doing his errands, he moved his wallet several times, and by the time he got back home, the ring was long gone. I am not upset about this. There was a strategy behind our mutual decision to "invest" in the cheapest, simplest, most easily replaceable wedding ring available on Amazon.com. I know my man.)

I'm not sure if this is a really unusual decision, but I've grown to feel very comfortable with it. At first, I sometimes thought to myself, "but how will people know I'm married?" Well, I know I'm married, he knows I'm married, everyone who knows me in even a remotely personal way knows that I'm married. And strangers? The engagement ring is a pretty big clue, I guess, and my use of the word "husband" is a dead giveaway, and why would strangers even need to know my marital status anyway? Long story short: I've realized that it does not particularly matter to either my husband or me whether or not people can tell by looking at my hand that I'm married, so I guess that's that.

I haven't decided that I'll never wear a wedding ring or anything; if I fall in love with a beautiful ring that we can afford, I imagine this story will end up with a big fat postscript. (Also, we will definitely replace Mr. Octo's wedding ring sometime soon.) But for now, I feel perfectly happy as a one-ring lady. We could call it.....my wedgagement band? That works, right?

So there you go--the end of the story (for now)! Prince William and I have both made rather unconventional wedding ring choices; anybody else?

(P.S. I MISS YOU GUYS SO MUCH! I love the hive. I miss you. I LOVE YOU! OKAY BYE.)

I Think I'm Going To Miss You Most of All

Oh, hive. For the first time since the day I was introduced as a new bee, I feel like I really don't quite know what to say.

Being a contributor to this site has been such a joy. 2010 was a very hard year for Mr. Octo and I, in some ways that made it onto this blog and in many that did not. Writing for Weddingbee, though, has never been anything but fun and happy moments and bright spots in my days. Thank you so much for that, and for everything.

Thank you for all the support, the encouragement, the suggestions, and the help. Thank you for the comments that made me laugh out loud; those are some of my favorites. Thank you for being so incredibly, overwhelmingly kind to me over and over and over. I truly love this community, and the friends I've made here. I can't imagine what planning my wedding would have been like without all of you.

Our wedding is well behind us now, though, and it's time to get down to the business of spending the rest of my life with my delightful husband. I didn't originally plan to keep writing after I wrapped up my time as Mrs. Octopus, but I have found that I just cannot stop blabbing about myself on the Internet. So, if you're interested in reading stories about my dog, deep reflections on television shows I watch, tales of times I have been tragic and/or awkward, or descriptions of things Mr. Octo cooked for me while I sat on the couch (ha! seriously though), please feel free to stop by my new blog, The Silver Lining.

I hope you all have fabulous weddings and beautiful, fun-filled marriages.

I'm really going to miss you.

xoxoxo,
OCTO!!!!!

Crunching The Numbers

So. Budgeting your wedding is, for most of us, really hard and awful and stressful, yes? I mean, kudos to you if it wasn't, but I know that for us, the whole money thing was the very worst part of wedding planning. At first, I had absolutely no idea how much weddings can cost--my initial investigations into planning were utterly shocking!

I want to share a full, detailed, nitty-gritty budget recap with you in the hopes that it might give you a bit of a touchstone for your own planning. I know that when I'd look at wedding features in my early planning stages, my running internal monologue would often be, "but what does this COST? What am I looking at here? Is this a $5,000 wedding? A $15,000 wedding? A $50,000 wedding? Can I do something like this, or would it be utterly impossible for me?"

I think it would be really helpful for brides to see more impartial "here is how many dollars our wedding cost, and here is where those dollars went" types of posts. I've written before about my thoughts on how journalism about The Cost of Weddings These Days is often served up with a big scoop of scorn and judgment about the amount people spend (and I think there's a pretty common thread of "how about those crazy women with their wanton, greedy, frivolous spending on themselves just so they can play princess for a day!", as well). Of course, money is a loaded subject in most contexts, not just weddings. Still, I do think it's possible to have more transparent, emotionally neutral conversations about wedding budgets, and that's what I'm striving for with this post.

Some nuts and bolts: our budget included everything you might call a "day-of" or "day-before" expense, including the rehearsal dinner. It doesn't include our honeymoon, and it doesn't include peripheral expenses like our flight to Pittsburgh, our hotel stay, eating & drinking while we were there, and so on (partially because I didn't know how far to take things like that, like, do I count the new outfit I bought for my bridal shower? The postage on thank-you notes? The checked baggage fees? and partially because it would shoot our final number so much higher than it already is that I would need to lay in bed with a cold washcloth on my forehead). Paying for all of this was a collaboration between Mr. Octo & I, my parents, his parents, and his grandmother.

All that said, here it is, my attempt at an impartial "here is how many dollars our wedding cost, and where those dollars went"-style post!

***

Location: Pittsburgh, PA

Date/Time: Saturday evening

Guests: 126 (116 adults, 10 children)

Total Cost: $27,500

Cost Breakdown:

Venues: $3,637

Heinz Chapel: $850

• Included on-site coordinator, Friday rehearsal, & live organ music

Children's Museum of Pittsburgh: $2,787

• $2,000 base fee for 4 hours
• $600 for added hour
• $187 for mandatory security guard
• Free parking for all guests

Reception Costs: $14,384

Catering: $11,912

• $4,613 for food (Fruit, vegetables, cheese, and bread table for cocktail hour; carving, salad, & Pittsburgh stations for adult dinner; chicken fingers & french fries for kid dinner; boxed meals for vendors)
• $2,738 for equipment rentals (plates, flatware, etc.)
• $752.40 for linens
• $1,919 for staffing
• $700 for staff gratuity
• $705 for sales tax
• $485 for bar set-up (ice, bar fruit, cocktail napkins, sodas, and juices)

Alcohol: $1,325

• Limited open bar
• Self-catered
• 2 varieties of red wine
• 2 varieties of white wine
• 4 varieties of beer
• 4 cocktails

Cake: $315

• 120 cupcakes & small two-layer cutting cake

DJ: $625

• 5 hours

Misc. Decor: $209

• Seating cards: $29
• MyPublisher photo album guestbook: $42
• Birdcage card holder: $25
• Frames for table numbers: $85
• Misc. paper for bar menus, dinner menus, etc.: $15

Attire & Appearance: $2,099



Bride:

• Wedding gown: $730
• Alterations: $190
• Veil: $0 (wedding gift from family friend)
• Jewelry: $121
• Shoes: $0 (free using gift cards)
• Hairstyling: $60
• Makeup: $80
• Wedding ring: $550 after use of gift certificate (this may change when I figure out a solution to my wedding band dilemma!) 
• After-party dress: $29

Groom:

• Tie: $20
• Suit fitting: $250
• Wedding ring:  $69

Stationery (including postage): $541

 

• Save-the-dates: $95

• Invitations: $436

Flowers: $1,279

• Bride bouquet
• 6 bridesmaids' bouquets
• 2 grandmother corsages
• 10 boutonnieres (groom, 6 groomsmen, 2 fathers, 1 grandfather)
• 3 cocktail table arrangements
• 17 centerpieces

Photographer: $2000

• 7 hours of coverage; second shooter; disc of edited, high-resolution photos with unlimited re-print rights; $200 print credit

Transportation: $175

• One-way shuttle for fifteen-minute trip (and one of the only times I felt I was truly paying a wildly overinflated price).  

Rehearsal Dinner: $930

• Catering & clean-up for 40 people: $774
• Dishes & flatware: $50
• Cake: $106
• Alcohol $0 (used some wine & beer from wedding stash)

Gifts & Gratuities: $1,665

Bridesmaids' gifts: $600

• 6 Coach wristlets, $50/each
• Professional makeup on wedding day, $50/each

Groomsmens' gifts: $600

• 6 ties, $20/each
• Individualized gifts, approx. $80/each

Thank-you gift for rehearsal dinner hosts: $200
Rehearsal dinner server: $40
Makeup artist: $70 (for all 7 of us)
Hairstylist: $80 (for all 7 of us)
Shuttle driver: $25
DJ: $50 (a spontaneous tip for doing such a great job!)

Miscellaneous: $786

Officiant: $265 (including rehearsal)
Marriage license: $35
Out-of-Town Bags: $236

• Ivory paper for welcome booklet (and used for other things): $30
• Bags: $32
• Snacks & water: $147
• Decorations (tissue paper, etc.): $27

Food for bridal party on wedding day (breakfast for bridesmaids in the morning, lunch for groomsmen as they got ready, snacks for their downtime during family portraits): $150
Reserved parking for all guests at Heinz Chapel: $100

***


There you have it! I hope you find it helpful!

The Luckiest: One Seriously Amazingly Raging Blow-Out Party

When Mr. Octo and I talked about our very top priorities for our wedding, everything paled in comparison to "feels like really lively, fun, ragingly awesome party." The dance party aspect wedding reception was more important to us than anything else.

It was also the only thing that I never once worried might go wrong. Believe me, in the last two weeks leading up to our wedding day, I found a way to worry about everything else. I woke up every morning fresh out of a crazy dream about wedding disasters, and when I was anxious with stress, I considered ways that virtually every other element of our wedding could go wrong. But the thought that our wedding reception might fail to live up to the gigantic celebration of life I was dreaming of never once crossed my mind. I know us, and I know our guests. I come from a long line of party animals, and I kind of sincerely believe that Mr. Octo and I have cornered the market on really, really fun-loving friends. I knew that our reception would be fantastic, and I was right.

That said, I'll be honest: this recap was harder to write than any of my others! I've found it really tough to articulate exactly how it felt to be surrounded by my brand new husband and family and friends, all the people I love most in the world, all of whom were just as excited and joyful and celebratory as I was. I can tell you that I'm very sure that our wedding reception will always stick in my head as one of the most treasured memories of my life. I can tell you that I very clearly remember pausing at one point, looking around, and thinking, "this is exactly what I was hoping it would be." Other than that, though, if you don't mind.....I'm going to let the pictures tell most of the story on this one.

(All photos, except those noted, courtesy of Corey Ann Photography.) 

"Mom and Dad, I am about to go BANANAS on this dance floor."













I asked the DJ to play the University of Pittsburgh's fight song specifically so Mr. Octo could have this moment with his best friend and his brother-in-law.









From this point on, I don't believe you will find a picture of me without a drink in my hand. I'd like to point out that a.) I was nursing them, and b.) NO SHAME! IT'S MY WEDDING DAY, BABY!



You guys, I love Erica so much.





Interpretive husband-and-wife performance of the "Single Ladies" routine:





And no I did not put my beer down to do it. I told you, no shame!





I have to tell you guys, Grandma Octopus is a badass. She's 86, drank multiple gin and tonics, and danced all night.

(Guest photo.)

Best Man JP and MOH/Sister Lauren had not met before our wedding weekend, but discovered that they are soul mates who share a taste for the finer things in life and a mutual love of making catty remarks.

(Guest photo.)

Three generations of women who love to raaaaaaage:



And.....surprise! I never intended to change out of my wedding dress during our reception, and up until we started going around and greeting guests at the dinner tables, I didn't have any plans to do so. But man, although it was beautiful and I loved it, that dress was a beast. It was bulky, heavy, and tight. Once I started really actively moving around (and eating!), I got so uncomfortable and hot that I was just dying to take it off. My aunt Cathy saved the day, and made a quick stop back over to the hotel to pick up what was supposed to be my after-party dress for me! I changed into it when we had about thirty minutes left in our reception, and man was it a relief to finally peel my beautiful, hot, tight, uncomfortable dress off. I stepped out of the bathroom stall and squealed, "I'M FREE!"

(Guest photo.)

The funny thing was, our guests thought it was totally delightful that I switched dresses near the end. People acted like I had just pulled off a fabulous surprise costume change, when in actuality I was just really really sweaty. Ha!

I was also really happy to have changed into such a light, comfortable dress because it totally maximized my cutting-loose capacities for the last thirty minutes of our reception, when the drinks had been flowing for a while and the dancing started getting particularly raging.

(Guest photo.)

(Guest photo.)

Our last dance was Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'," and it was possibly the best three minutes of my life. I was totally overwhelmed with joy and happiness at how much fun we were all having, and I was surrounded by people who love Mr. Octo and I and who were having a total blast at the party we worked really hard to throw. We all jumped up and down and fist-pumped and sang like our lives depended on it, and at one point, I twirled around in a circle, trying to look at everyone all at once, thinking, "don't forget this!"

And then it was over. We didn't have any kind of formal send-off to wrap up our wedding. We danced 'til they turned the lights on and the staff nudged us out, then Mr. Octo and I sat in the bucket seats in the back of my mom's minivan and rode back to our hotel with my parents. We headed up to our room, I found a stray out-of-town bag and inhaled the bag of white cheddar popcorn inside, and then we met back up with our friends and headed to an Irish pub down the street for some after-partying. 

There are not a lot of photos documenting this portion of the night, but this ought to give you a pretty good idea:





If you're on the fence about having an after-party, I recommend without hesitation that you DO IT! I expected to be exhausted, but I was absolutely not, and it was really, really fun to spend a little more time socializing in a more low-key way. Our actual wedding reception was a dream come true, but the after-party was a different, more normal kind of enjoyable. I felt like my regular self again, you know? I loved being THE BRIDE! all day, but I was also really glad to turn the spotlight off, slap a giant sweatshirt on, and just be Octo again, having a beer at the bar with my friends.

I finally turned into a pumpkin around 1 AM and was suddenly hit with a wall of exhaustion, feeling so tired I could barely hold my head up. Mr. Octo and I walked hand-in-hand back to our hotel, where he surprised me by remembering the old tradition, and scooped me up to carry me across the threshold into our hotel room to finally, finally call it a day.

And.....that's it, hive! That's the story of our wedding day! I have so, so loved writing these recaps. Our entire wedding weekend was one of the most beautiful, joyful experiences of my life, so much so that it practically has a sparkly gold aura around it in my memory. Having the opportunity to tell the story and share those amazing few days, and the photos of them, with all of you has been so gratifying. Thank you so much for listening.

Don't worry, though. You can't get rid of me quite that easily. Stick around for a big fat budget breakdown and one last goodbye!

Previously, in the Octopus wedding....

• We did errands all the live-long day.
• We ran late, we got stressed, and we argued.
• We rehearsed and had dinner, and had a great time doing it.
• We got fancy with hair and makeup.
• I got bridal.
• I waited and soaked up the moment in Heinz Chapel.
• We processed up the aisle.
• We made it official.
• We posed our way through our family portraits.
• I had, then recovered from, a minor freak-out.
• We took portraits with our bridal party.
• We took some smoochy pictures.
• We posed for some skyline shots.
• I showed you how it all came together.
• We had just a few minutes to enjoy the end of our cocktail hour.
• We were introduced into our reception…..and almost screwed up the cake-cutting.
• We danced.
• We listened to toasts, and visited our guests during dinner.
• I danced with my father, he danced with his sister.