The Times When I Knew

When I was in high school, I never had boyfriends. I dated about two people for approximately ten seconds, and that was my track record. My social scene back then largely consisted of performing in the marching band during halftime of the football games and going to the bowling alley with the other members of the school play. You get the idea.


Daria Morgendorffer and Angela Chase (pre-Jordan Catalano): two girls who hit pretty close to home for me in the high school years.

Once I got to college, though, I found myself with a boyfriend (Mr. O!) almost immediately. Considering how young we both were--I was actually still a few weeks short of my eighteenth birthday!--and how little experience we each had with serious (or.....any) relationships, it really sort of boggles my mind to think about how we got to be here, at this point in our lives, planning our wedding.

I think the process of putting marriage on the table is different for the really-young-when-we-met brides and the the first-real-boyfriend brides (or those, like me, who are both!) than for people who meet when they're a little older and wiser. I can promise you that when I was seventeen, the word "husband" was not, under any circumstances, crossing my mind. So how did I get here? I can't speak for Mr. O, but I can give you my perspective on the major experiences across the years that got me to the point of wanting to be his wife.

Year One: This Guy is Awesome
Like I said, back in the early days, "forever" was nonexistent to me. But I did find myself really, really liking him. Things between us were easy and fun. Something I've always cherished is the absence of drama and conflict in our relationship; instead, it was mellow and calm. Things just worked. We both loved trying new things and having little adventures, and we spent a lot of time laughing.

Year Three: Bon Voyage!
As a junior in college, I had the opportunity to fulfill one of my dreams--studying abroad for a semester (are there any other Semester at Sea alums out there in the hive?!). Mr. Octopus and I were separated for three and a half months, often going for long stretches of time without communicating at all. It was really hard for both of us, but he never said a single unsupportive word. His only message, ever, was how thrilled and excited he was for me. He was so selfless in his efforts to make the experience joyful for me, and I was so humbled by it.


Here are two little doodles Mr. O drew and e-mailed to me while I was studying abroad. It shows him, missing me, with little hearts above his head at Pitt, and me, missing him, with little hearts above my head on the ship. I ugly-cried for about two hours after receiving this.

Years Five and Beyond: Las Vegas
As college was ending, we knew we had to make a decision about where our relationship was going. I had been accepted to Teach for America, and I really wanted to join. We chose: I would accept the offer, and he would come with me. TFA sent us to Las Vegas, and we moved two thousand miles to live together for the first time. We had some really great times, and we had some really hard times. We worked through all of it, the little mundane everyday things, and the big, major, life-decision things. We built a life together. And I still have more fun with him than with anyone else I know.





And that's how I realized: this man is my other half, my best friend, and the love of my life. He's my family. In the first few years, we both went through some brief periods of wondering if this was truly the relationship we wanted, or only the relationship we knew, but as time progressed, I became certain: it's the relationship I want, and I want it forever. Every time we go through something, good or bad, we get to know each other a little bit better, we communicate a little easier, and we're a little more bonded than we were before. Every day of our relationship is a choice, and every day, I choose him. I'm so excited to get married.

How did you know that your significant other was the one you wanted to marry?

The Smallest and Definitely Dumbest Family Member

Here's a fact I haven't shared yet: Mr. Octopus and I are dog owners. And, if I can be totally objective for a minute, the dog we own is the sweetest, cuddliest, funniest, most precious, most perfect dog that exists in the universe.

Hive, meet Daffodil:

Making herself at home on the throw pillows, no big deal.

Feeling preeeeetty hesitant about my strapping her into the Snuggie purchased for her by her loving grandmother, Mom Octopus.

She is a French bulldog, and Mr. O and I basically think she's the most awesome living creature on Earth. I would love to figure out some way to include her in our wedding! Hopefully, it would be something fairly subtle, because I don't want to seem like a completely cuckoo bananas dog lady on my wedding day, but it would be nice to have some kind of reference to our little friend.

Mr. Octopus really, really, really wants her to act as the flower girl. While she would look extremely adorable trotting up the aisle in a get-up like this:


(Source.)

And while she has a proven ability to rock a killer costume:

Bridesmaid/Cousin Katie, a fellow Boston resident, gifted Daffodil this sweet outfit when we decided to move there.

Heinz Chapel does not allow dogs. Boooo.

I've also seen people featuring their pets via personalized table numbers. This is a really fun idea, and while I haven't totally ruled it out, I also have a strong suspicion that those kinds of cute but not-strictly-necessary projects may be at risk of falling by the wayside as the wedding gets closer.

So what is everyone else doing? Do you have ideas to share on cute-and-low-effort ways to feature your pets in your wedding?

Delicious, Delicious Paper

Now that we've got a lot of the "big" planning stuff out of the way, I feel like I can get started on some of the fun, semi-ridiculous little details that no one really thinks about before wedding planning but suddenly become objects of mild-to-moderate obsession once the process gets underway. Lately, for me, this has been the stationery. I know that it's really not such a big deal--people are going to come whether I invite them with a letterpressed, pocketfold suite or something I slap together in Notepad and jazz up with a few choice elements from the Wingdings font, am I right?--but come on. Invitations can be sooooo delightful!

Here are some pretty, pretty STDs/invites that have sparked my fancy lately!

From Printable Press:




From Ruby & Willow:


From Etsy seller jamiekonet (via Ms. Stripes!):


From RIFLE Designs:


So, mostly, I think I'm really into unusual fonts that make a statement, especially when they're laid out in an interesting way. I also like a good helping of images that don't involve flowers or trees. The actual process of getting the STDs/invites underway is a whole other story, but for now, at least, I've got a reference point for the style I really like.

How about you? Have you found a way to describe the look you're going for in the little details?

Photographer: Found!

You know how, when you read lists of tips on how to stick to your wedding budget, they often suggest that you prioritize the few elements that are most important to you, allocate "splurge" money for those, and be willing to compromise on other aspects? Mr. Octopus and I did that, and the elements of our wedding that were "big ticket" items were these: Heinz Chapel, the Children's Museum, and catering.

You know what that leaves out of the "splurge" category? Photography.

I know a lot of people's feelings are basically that pictures are the only real, tangible thing to take with you after a wedding is over, and the memories they preserve put them into the "worth a big investment" category. I can totally get behind that sentiment. On the other hand, as I'm sure everyone is aware, photography can get just mind-blowingly expensive. Photography really is important to both my groom and I, and we really did want beautiful pictures, but sticking to a budget also means making some very tough choices. The initial photographers I liked, many of whom would have claimed 30% of our entire budget, were out.

So, I initially set a budget of $1500 for a photographer. I'll spare you all the gory details, but after a month and a half of devoted research, the results were grim. We could not find anyone in that price range whose work we felt good about. True, we had decided that we couldn't spare a huge chunk of the budget on photography, but we also couldn't justify spending $1500 on people whose portfolios gave us nothing but lukewarm "that miiiiiiight be okay" types of feelings. It's not really a smart compromise if you're totally dissatisfied with the results, you know? We decided to shuffle the budget around a bit, and added some more money to the photography allocation.

And guess what? With a little bit more wiggle room in the budget and another few weeks of combing the Internet, the clouds parted, the sun shone through, and we found an absolutely fabulous photographer whose skills I am incredibly, incredibly excited to have booked for our wedding. I feel so lucky! We found an artist whose gorgeous work will fit in our budget AND live up to every one of our hopes about the pictures we'll take away from our wedding day.

Check it. The photographer we picked is great with colors.....



....crisp details....




....portraits.....



....and candids. Awesome.




All photos credited to Corey Ann.

Corey Ann Photography: gorgeous pictures, a super-responsive and friendly artist behind the lens, a thorough package that offered everything we need, and landing precisely within our target budget. SHWINNGGG!

How did you choose your photographer? How much of your budget did you choose to set aside for it?

I Have a Confession to Make

I am a lifelong nailbiter. I'm really serious about the "lifelong," too--I can't remember, even waaaayyyy back into my childhood, a time when I didn't bite my nails. I'm almost embarrassed to describe the severity of it, too. I mean, when I've been really bad about it, my nails are STUBS. There's almost nothing there. It's NOT just a mild case of biting at the occasional hangnail.


Trust me, it ain't this cute. (Source.)

I've never seriously tried to stop before. When I was little, my mom would put that bitter stuff on my fingers, but I'd just pick at them instead. I know my ravaged nails are highly unattractive, but that was never enough to compel me to stop.

However, this past January, I thought our engagement was imminent (which was not actually true; we didn't get engaged until May!). Knowing that once Mr. Octopus proposed, I would be frequently and prominently displaying my fingers, I finally felt driven enough to force myself to break the habit. I didn't actually use any techniques or tricks, just the force of sheer willpower. It was really hard!! Once, after a few months, Mr. O asked me if I ever still felt like biting my nails--and my response was that I had to force myself not to bite them, several times a day, every single day, since I gave it up in January.

Take a look at these outtakes from my engagement ring photo shoot:





Those nails are the result of FOUR MONTHS of deeply concentrated effort. I actually got a lot of comments on them, too. I was half pleased, and half mortified that my raggedy-ass nails had been so notorious.

Unfortunately, that's not the happy ending. The two most common triggers for my nailbiting were stress and periods where my hands were idle for a long time---particularly, reading. Well, this past August, I started a rigorous master's degree program. Since then, I have been doing a whole lot of three things: stressing, reading, and biting my nails. Sad face.

I've got a new motivation now, though. I'm going to be a bridesmaid in April (for Erica, she of Running of the Brides fame!). Erica has always been particularly grossed out by my naibiting habit, and I really want to make sure my nails are not a hot mess and I get to partake in getting a manicure like all the other non-compulsive-habit-having bridesmaids.

What can I do? Is there anything other than sheer mental effort that can stop a serious nailbiter in her tracks?

Finding The One

MR. OCTOPUS, DO NOT READ THIS POST!!!

Shopping for my wedding dress has been one of my favorite experiences so far. The search started in July, and with Mom Octopus and MOH/sister Lauren as my trusty companions, we hit a few small local bridal shops in my little hometown. They were no Kleinfeld's, but they had a pretty good selection and great attendants, and we had a great time!


Believe it or not, Vera does not have a large presence in rural western New York.

Before our shopping began, I had a few ideas in mind. I wanted something with a fitted silhouette, straps, and no pickups on the skirt. I also suspected I probably wanted minimal "stuff" (i.e. beads or lace). I was also hoping to find something with ruching on the waist. The two dresses that had really caught my eye in my online browsing were these:




Maggie, you so pretty.

In our first two outings, I found a lot of pretty dresses, but I had that mystical prophecy floating around in the back of my head: when you find The One, you will know. I didn't know exactly what the feeling was that I was supposed to be waiting for, but I didn't think, "Oh, this is pretty. K, next!" was it. After our first two trips, I had probably tried on forty dresses, but no The One yet. I was actually starting to think, "this is baloney. Maybe I should just buy the prettiest dress I find."

For our third wedding dress shopping trip, we expanded our search a bit to bridal shops that were a bit of a drive from our hometown. The last stop of the day was One Enchanted Evening in Fairport, NY. I gathered up a bunch of dresses that struck me, including the Iliana, from my Internet search. I tried a bunch on, then tried the Iliana. It was beautiful--really beautiful. I loved its simple elegance. I started to think, "is this it?" There was one dress left hanging on the rack that I hadn't tried on yet. My mom had picked it out, and it had some beads AND some lace, both of which I had started to lean farther and farther away from. With a wave of my hand, I told the attendant I wasn't interested in that one--she could go ahead and put it back. My mom said, "Oh, please, no! I love that one! Please just try it on for me, just so I can see it!" Oh, okaaayyyyy.....

I'm sure you can see where this is going. I put Mom Octopus's choice on and lit up like a Christmas tree. Folks, that "The One" feeling was absolutely legit for me. After forty dresses, suddenly, I was picturing myself walking up the aisle in THAT dress. Visiting tables to talk with our guests in THAT dress. Dancing with my father in THAT dress. Just to be sure, I took it off and tried a few others. I tried THAT dress back on, and that was it. Done. Sold. It was The One!!!

Ladies, meet my dress:


My favorite part of this picture is the giant purple price tag on the veil sticking out of my hair. Cute.







Maggie Sottero's Layne. Straps, ruching, fitted, and some, but minimal, "stuff." And the price tag on this lovely thing? $730, and no tax because I paid on my Massachusetts credit card. Seventy dollars under my budget of $800! Music to my ears!

How did you know when you found the right dress? Was the dress you picked just like what you had originally imagined, or totally different?

The B-Word

Budget, that is. I've said before that I am an unabashed wedding enthusiast, and I will admit that going on flights of fancy about having every single pretty thing Martha Stewart Wedding dangles in front of my eyes is something I have indulged in once or twice (a day). However, that is not the world I live in.


Right. That's more like it.

When Mr. Octopus and I seriously started talking about "wedding" as in "fall 2010" rather than "wedding" as in "someday," I decided to start doing a little casual research--and then promptly had to be revived with a pair of electric current paddles. I had no idea what those dreamy ideas that had been parading through my head actually cost. I'm sure I'm not alone in this. Wedding sticker shock is no joke! Because of that, though, I'd really like to help other brides avoid the shock and awe that I felt upon discovering the price tag on this stuff. So, I intend to be completely transparent about our budget.



There it is: twenty to twenty-three thousand dollars, depending on some wiggle room from his grandmother and from us.

Figuring out this part of it was actually quite painless. Both sets of parents offered us a flat sum of what was feasible for each of them to contribute, and he and I calculated what we could put in without going into major credit card debt. I did have a slight moment of bafflement as to how the logistics of it would actually work, but my mom came up with a clever and easy solution: I'm keeping track of all the expenses in a spreadsheet, and whenever a payment arises, I color-code who took care of it. Once each contributor (and their assigned color) reaches the number they offered, they're done paying for things.

Here's what we're trying to whip up with that budget: most of the major elements of a traditional wedding--a Saturday evening ceremony and reception with a full dinner, dancing, and drinking--for about one hundred and twenty people. It looks like it's going to be a pretty tight squeeze, but not impossible. In fact, I kind of enjoy the challenge of it. I wasn't kidding about really loving a good session of detailed planning ahead and organizing, which this definitely requires.

The hard part, for me, has been the emotions involved. If you let your head get too far into what's "normal" for the wedding industry at large, a wedding on my budget can sometimes start to seem really modest. But let's get real: twenty thousand dollars would pay off nearly all of my student loans. It would pay my rent for years. It would buy me a very solid car. In short: it is a substantial amount of cash. So sometimes I find myself panicking, thinking, "OMG what in the h-e-double-hockey-sticks were we thinking?! Are we crazy to spend this much money?" I have definitely, definitely had moments of self-doubt and guilt.


This is the first thing that comes up when you do a Google Image search for "feeling guilty."

But you know what? The money here is a significant expense for everyone involved, but (very thankfully) not a hardship. We are all doing what is affordable, reasonable, and possible for ourselves. I think that's really the key, because some people spend lots more than we do, and some people spend lots less. At the end of the day, everyone will be just as married as everyone else. As long as your wedding plans--whatever the price tag--work for you, and make you really happy, then it's a good choice.

So, I'm learning to not feel guilty about my wedding. It's something that both my groom and I really want, with our whole hearts. I want to invite our loved ones to our favorite city and have them witness us saying our vows and promising our lives to each other. And then I really want to treat them, and ourselves, to an awesome and memorable celebration (which it is TOTALLY going to be, and I can't wait!!).

I am having a twenty(ish) thousand dollar wedding, and it's okay.

What kinds of things did the whole budgeting process bring up for you? What's been easy, and what's been a struggle?