Steel City Bride: A Pittsburgh Wedding

What to Do About My Wedding Band?: The End

2011-05-25T08:07:00.001-04:00

Hokay, FIRST of all?! I miss you so much, Hive! Not even kidding, I was overcome with glee when I cracked open the ol' wedding blog to write this post. YAY! WEDDINGBEE!

Okay, but actually, I decided to drop by because I thought I should share the wrap-up of the saga of my wedding band, since you all were so helpful throughout the entire bummer of a process. The conclusion I eventually came to about the whole thing is not quite what I thought it would be, but it's a conclusion nonetheless, so here goes.

If you weren't around at the time I wrote about this, or forgot what happened, here's a semi-quick recap of my wedding band situation:

* I felt a little lost about what kind of wedding band to wear. In order to get the flush-fit look (which I like), I would need a ring with a significant dent in it (which I don't like). Then, I decided to wear my engagement ring on my right hand, and pick out whatever kind of wedding ring struck my fancy for my left hand.

* My parents gave me a gift certificate to a jeweler in my hometown, and I went to him seeking a custom ring in the delicate, floral filigree style I had come to love.

Image via Fay Cullen.

* The jeweler indicated that he could create something like what I was envisioning and sent me some sketches.

* Surprise! Two days before the wedding, we picked up the ring and discovered that the jeweler actually couldn't really bring the idea I had to life!

* Given the time crunch, I had no choice but to use the ring in our wedding ceremony. I tried to convince myself to like it, but really, I knew all along that it was not what I wanted.

* I returned the ring for a full refund (because, I think, the jeweler also knew all along that it was not what I wanted), and I had to decide where to go from there. The original ring I loved was very expensive, but I hadn't really seen anything that I liked as much.

So here we are, eight months (!!!) past our wedding, and I guess you could say I've finally answered the question of What To Do About My Wedding Band? Answer: for the time being, I'm not getting a wedding ring at all.

I didn't have any kind of lightning-bolt moment where I thought, EUREKA! I'm not going to wear a wedding ring! It just sort of happened. After the wedding, I felt no urgency to replace my custom-made hot mess. Like, none. It rarely-to-never crossed my mind. I very occasionally thought, "I guess I should find a new wedding band now..." and half-heartedly searched a little and gave up. Because here's the thing: I love my engagement ring. I LOVE it. I have been wearing it for over two years now, and my torrid love affair with it shows no signs of diminishing in passion. I guess I just felt that I already HAVE a ring, given to me by Mr. Octo, which I love and adore and think is a beautiful fabulous dazzling aquamarine dream, that is symbolic of our commitment. I don't really need or want another one. So....there you go.

I voiced this aloud for the first time last month, when we were visiting my parents and my mom asked if I was ever going to get a wedding ring. I explained that no, actually, I didn't think I wanted one--I love wearing my engagement ring, and it serves basically the same symbolic purpose as a wedding band, so I just didn't feel any desire to spend money on a new ring. Then, I gave a little side-eye to Mr. Octo, who was also hearing me say this for the first time. What did he think of his wife not wearing a wedding ring? He responded exactly how I anticipated he would: "Whatevs. Doesn't matter me one way or another, as long as you're happy."

(Incidentally, Mr. Octo also has not been wearing a wedding band for the past five months....because he lost his. He stuck it in his back pocket to do the dishes one night, then also stuck his wallet in the same pocket. He forgot to put his ring back on, then went out to do some errands. In the process of doing his errands, he moved his wallet several times, and by the time he got back home, the ring was long gone. I am not upset about this. There was a strategy behind our mutual decision to "invest" in the cheapest, simplest, most easily replaceable wedding ring available on Amazon.com. I know my man.)

I'm not sure if this is a really unusual decision, but I've grown to feel very comfortable with it. At first, I sometimes thought to myself, "but how will people know I'm married?" Well, I know I'm married, he knows I'm married, everyone who knows me in even a remotely personal way knows that I'm married. And strangers? The engagement ring is a pretty big clue, I guess, and my use of the word "husband" is a dead giveaway, and why would strangers even need to know my marital status anyway? Long story short: I've realized that it does not particularly matter to either my husband or me whether or not people can tell by looking at my hand that I'm married, so I guess that's that.

I haven't decided that I'll never wear a wedding ring or anything; if I fall in love with a beautiful ring that we can afford, I imagine this story will end up with a big fat postscript. (Also, we will definitely replace Mr. Octo's wedding ring sometime soon.) But for now, I feel perfectly happy as a one-ring lady. We could call it.....my wedgagement band? That works, right?

So there you go--the end of the story (for now)! Prince William and I have both made rather unconventional wedding ring choices; anybody else?

(P.S. I MISS YOU GUYS SO MUCH! I love the hive. I miss you. I LOVE YOU! OKAY BYE.)

I Think I'm Going To Miss You Most of All

2011-02-13T19:42:00.000-05:00

Oh, hive. For the first time since the day I was introduced as a new bee, I feel like I really don't quite know what to say.

Being a contributor to this site has been such a joy. 2010 was a very hard year for Mr. Octo and I, in some ways that made it onto this blog and in many that did not. Writing for Weddingbee, though, has never been anything but fun and happy moments and bright spots in my days. Thank you so much for that, and for everything.

Thank you for all the support, the encouragement, the suggestions, and the help. Thank you for the comments that made me laugh out loud; those are some of my favorites. Thank you for being so incredibly, overwhelmingly kind to me over and over and over. I truly love this community, and the friends I've made here. I can't imagine what planning my wedding would have been like without all of you.

Our wedding is well behind us now, though, and it's time to get down to the business of spending the rest of my life with my delightful husband. I didn't originally plan to keep writing after I wrapped up my time as Mrs. Octopus, but I have found that I just cannot stop blabbing about myself on the Internet. So, if you're interested in reading stories about my dog, deep reflections on television shows I watch, tales of times I have been tragic and/or awkward, or descriptions of things Mr. Octo cooked for me while I sat on the couch (ha! seriously though), please feel free to stop by my new blog, The Silver Lining.

I hope you all have fabulous weddings and beautiful, fun-filled marriages.

I'm really going to miss you.

xoxoxo,
OCTO!!!!!

Crunching The Numbers

2011-02-02T13:18:00.000-05:00

So. Budgeting your wedding is, for most of us, really hard and awful and stressful, yes? I mean, kudos to you if it wasn't, but I know that for us, the whole money thing was the very worst part of wedding planning. At first, I had absolutely no idea how much weddings can cost--my initial investigations into planning were utterly shocking!

I want to share a full, detailed, nitty-gritty budget recap with you in the hopes that it might give you a bit of a touchstone for your own planning. I know that when I'd look at wedding features in my early planning stages, my running internal monologue would often be, "but what does this COST? What am I looking at here? Is this a $5,000 wedding? A $15,000 wedding? A $50,000 wedding? Can I do something like this, or would it be utterly impossible for me?"

I think it would be really helpful for brides to see more impartial "here is how many dollars our wedding cost, and here is where those dollars went" types of posts. I've written before about my thoughts on how journalism about The Cost of Weddings These Days is often served up with a big scoop of scorn and judgment about the amount people spend (and I think there's a pretty common thread of "how about those crazy women with their wanton, greedy, frivolous spending on themselves just so they can play princess for a day!", as well). Of course, money is a loaded subject in most contexts, not just weddings. Still, I do think it's possible to have more transparent, emotionally neutral conversations about wedding budgets, and that's what I'm striving for with this post.

Some nuts and bolts: our budget included everything you might call a "day-of" or "day-before" expense, including the rehearsal dinner. It doesn't include our honeymoon, and it doesn't include peripheral expenses like our flight to Pittsburgh, our hotel stay, eating & drinking while we were there, and so on (partially because I didn't know how far to take things like that, like, do I count the new outfit I bought for my bridal shower? The postage on thank-you notes? The checked baggage fees? and partially because it would shoot our final number so much higher than it already is that I would need to lay in bed with a cold washcloth on my forehead). Paying for all of this was a collaboration between Mr. Octo & I, my parents, his parents, and his grandmother.

All that said, here it is, my attempt at an impartial "here is how many dollars our wedding cost, and where those dollars went"-style post!

***

Location: Pittsburgh, PA

Date/Time: Saturday evening

Guests: 126 (116 adults, 10 children)

Total Cost: $27,500

Cost Breakdown:

Venues: $3,637

Heinz Chapel: $850

Included on-site coordinator, Friday rehearsal, & live organ music

Children's Museum of Pittsburgh: $2,787

$2,000 base fee for 4 hours
$600 for added hour
$187 for mandatory security guard
Free parking for all guests

Reception Costs: $14,384

Catering: $11,912

$4,613 for food (Fruit, vegetables, cheese, and bread table for cocktail hour; carving, salad, & Pittsburgh stations for adult dinner; chicken fingers & french fries for kid dinner; boxed meals for vendors)
$2,738 for equipment rentals (plates, flatware, etc.)
$752.40 for linens
$1,919 for staffing
$700 for staff gratuity
$705 for sales tax
$485 for bar set-up (ice, bar fruit, cocktail napkins, sodas, and juices)

Alcohol: $1,325

Limited open bar
Self-catered
2 varieties of red wine
2 varieties of white wine
4 varieties of beer
4 cocktails

Cake: $315

120 cupcakes & small two-layer cutting cake

DJ: $625

5 hours

Misc. Decor: $209

Seating cards: $29
MyPublisher photo album guestbook: $42
Birdcage card holder: $25
Frames for table numbers: $85
Misc. paper for bar menus, dinner menus, etc.: $15

Attire & Appearance: $2,099

Bride:

Wedding gown: $730
Alterations: $190
Veil: $0 (wedding gift from family friend)
Jewelry: $121
Shoes: $0 (free using gift cards)
Hairstyling: $60
Makeup: $80
Wedding ring: $550 after use of gift certificate (this may change when I figure out a solution to my wedding band dilemma!)
After-party dress: $29

Groom:

Tie: $20
Suit fitting: $250
Wedding ring: $69

Stationery (including postage): $541

Save-the-dates: $95

Invitations: $436

Flowers: $1,279

Bride bouquet
6 bridesmaids' bouquets
2 grandmother corsages
10 boutonnieres (groom, 6 groomsmen, 2 fathers, 1 grandfather)
3 cocktail table arrangements
17 centerpieces

Photographer: $2000

7 hours of coverage; second shooter; disc of edited, high-resolution photos with unlimited re-print rights; $200 print credit

Transportation: $175

One-way shuttle for fifteen-minute trip (and one of the only times I felt I was truly paying a wildly overinflated price).

Rehearsal Dinner: $930

Catering & clean-up for 40 people: $774
Dishes & flatware: $50
Cake: $106
Alcohol $0 (used some wine & beer from wedding stash)

Gifts & Gratuities: $1,665

Bridesmaids' gifts: $600

6 Coach wristlets, $50/each
Professional makeup on wedding day, $50/each

Groomsmens' gifts: $600

6 ties, $20/each
Individualized gifts, approx. $80/each

Thank-you gift for rehearsal dinner hosts: $200
Rehearsal dinner server: $40
Makeup artist: $70 (for all 7 of us)
Hairstylist: $80 (for all 7 of us)
Shuttle driver: $25
DJ: $50 (a spontaneous tip for doing such a great job!)

Miscellaneous: $786

Officiant: $265 (including rehearsal)
Marriage license: $35
Out-of-Town Bags: $236

Ivory paper for welcome booklet (and used for other things): $30
Bags: $32
Snacks & water: $147
Decorations (tissue paper, etc.): $27

Food for bridal party on wedding day (breakfast for bridesmaids in the morning, lunch for groomsmen as they got ready, snacks for their downtime during family portraits): $150
Reserved parking for all guests at Heinz Chapel: $100

***

There you have it! I hope you find it helpful!

The Luckiest: One Seriously Amazingly Raging Blow-Out Party

2011-01-30T17:15:00.000-05:00

When Mr. Octo and I talked about our very top priorities for our wedding, everything paled in comparison to "feels like really lively, fun, ragingly awesome party." The dance party aspect wedding reception was more important to us than anything else.

It was also the only thing that I never once worried might go wrong. Believe me, in the last two weeks leading up to our wedding day, I found a way to worry about everything else. I woke up every morning fresh out of a crazy dream about wedding disasters, and when I was anxious with stress, I considered ways that virtually every other element of our wedding could go wrong. But the thought that our wedding reception might fail to live up to the gigantic celebration of life I was dreaming of never once crossed my mind. I know us, and I know our guests. I come from a long line of party animals, and I kind of sincerely believe that Mr. Octo and I have cornered the market on really, really fun-loving friends. I knew that our reception would be fantastic, and I was right.

That said, I'll be honest: this recap was harder to write than any of my others! I've found it really tough to articulate exactly how it felt to be surrounded by my brand new husband and family and friends, all the people I love most in the world, all of whom were just as excited and joyful and celebratory as I was. I can tell you that I'm very sure that our wedding reception will always stick in my head as one of the most treasured memories of my life. I can tell you that I very clearly remember pausing at one point, looking around, and thinking, "this is exactly what I was hoping it would be." Other than that, though, if you don't mind.....I'm going to let the pictures tell most of the story on this one.

(All photos, except those noted, courtesy of Corey Ann Photography.)

"Mom and Dad, I am about to go BANANAS on this dance floor."

I asked the DJ to play the University of Pittsburgh's fight song specifically so Mr. Octo could have this moment with his best friend and his brother-in-law.

From this point on, I don't believe you will find a picture of me without a drink in my hand. I'd like to point out that a.) I was nursing them, and b.) NO SHAME! IT'S MY WEDDING DAY, BABY!

You guys, I love Erica so much.

Interpretive husband-and-wife performance of the "Single Ladies" routine:

And no I did not put my beer down to do it. I told you, no shame!

I have to tell you guys, Grandma Octopus is a badass. She's 86, drank multiple gin and tonics, and danced all night.

(Guest photo.)

Best Man JP and MOH/Sister Lauren had not met before our wedding weekend, but discovered that they are soul mates who share a taste for the finer things in life and a mutual love of making catty remarks.

(Guest photo.)

Three generations of women who love to raaaaaaage:

And.....surprise! I never intended to change out of my wedding dress during our reception, and up until we started going around and greeting guests at the dinner tables, I didn't have any plans to do so. But man, although it was beautiful and I loved it, that dress was a beast. It was bulky, heavy, and tight. Once I started really actively moving around (and eating!), I got so uncomfortable and hot that I was just dying to take it off. My aunt Cathy saved the day, and made a quick stop back over to the hotel to pick up what was supposed to be my after-party dress for me! I changed into it when we had about thirty minutes left in our reception, and man was it a relief to finally peel my beautiful, hot, tight, uncomfortable dress off. I stepped out of the bathroom stall and squealed, "I'M FREE!"

(Guest photo.)

The funny thing was, our guests thought it was totally delightful that I switched dresses near the end. People acted like I had just pulled off a fabulous surprise costume change, when in actuality I was just really really sweaty. Ha!

I was also really happy to have changed into such a light, comfortable dress because it totally maximized my cutting-loose capacities for the last thirty minutes of our reception, when the drinks had been flowing for a while and the dancing started getting particularly raging.

(Guest photo.)

Our last dance was Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'," and it was possibly the best three minutes of my life. I was totally overwhelmed with joy and happiness at how much fun we were all having, and I was surrounded by people who love Mr. Octo and I and who were having a total blast at the party we worked really hard to throw. We all jumped up and down and fist-pumped and sang like our lives depended on it, and at one point, I twirled around in a circle, trying to look at everyone all at once, thinking, "don't forget this!"

And then it was over. We didn't have any kind of formal send-off to wrap up our wedding. We danced 'til they turned the lights on and the staff nudged us out, then Mr. Octo and I sat in the bucket seats in the back of my mom's minivan and rode back to our hotel with my parents. We headed up to our room, I found a stray out-of-town bag and inhaled the bag of white cheddar popcorn inside, and then we met back up with our friends and headed to an Irish pub down the street for some after-partying.

There are not a lot of photos documenting this portion of the night, but this ought to give you a pretty good idea:

If you're on the fence about having an after-party, I recommend without hesitation that you DO IT! I expected to be exhausted, but I was absolutely not, and it was really, really fun to spend a little more time socializing in a more low-key way. Our actual wedding reception was a dream come true, but the after-party was a different, more normal kind of enjoyable. I felt like my regular self again, you know? I loved being THE BRIDE! all day, but I was also really glad to turn the spotlight off, slap a giant sweatshirt on, and just be Octo again, having a beer at the bar with my friends.

I finally turned into a pumpkin around 1 AM and was suddenly hit with a wall of exhaustion, feeling so tired I could barely hold my head up. Mr. Octo and I walked hand-in-hand back to our hotel, where he surprised me by remembering the old tradition, and scooped me up to carry me across the threshold into our hotel room to finally, finally call it a day.

And.....that's it, hive! That's the story of our wedding day! I have so, so loved writing these recaps. Our entire wedding weekend was one of the most beautiful, joyful experiences of my life, so much so that it practically has a sparkly gold aura around it in my memory. Having the opportunity to tell the story and share those amazing few days, and the photos of them, with all of you has been so gratifying. Thank you so much for listening.

Don't worry, though. You can't get rid of me quite that easily. Stick around for a big fat budget breakdown and one last goodbye!

Previously, in the Octopus wedding....

The Luckiest: Father and Daughter (and Brother and Sister)

2011-01-26T21:37:00.001-05:00

As our dinner finished up, it was time to kick off the dance party with our family dances.

First, I danced with my dad to Paul Simon's song "Father and Daughter."

(All photos courtesy of Corey Ann Photography.)

Here's a secret! The first time I ever heard the song many years ago, it made me cry because it reminded me of my dad so much. I left the song choice totally up to him (and he worked his way through a DJ's list of suggestions with great seriousness and purpose), but secretly I was really pulling for this one. And that's the one he chose! (My mom is DYIIINNGGG right now as she reads this, btw.)

"I'm gonna watch you shine,
Gonna watch you grow,
Gonna paint a sign
So you'll always know
As long as one and one is two,
There could never be a father who loves his daughter more than I love you."

Another wedding photo for the ages:

Next, Mr. Octo danced with his sister Kathy, to James Taylor's "You've Got a Friend."

Mr. Octo and his sister wrapped up their dance with a hug, and then? It was time to RAGE!

Previously, in the Octopus wedding....

The Luckiest: Four Toasts and A Successful Plan of Attack

2011-01-24T20:12:00.000-05:00

Once everyone settled down at their tables, it was time for our toasts to begin. The first speaker was MOH/Sister Lauren, who gave a sweet, funny, and light-hearted toast about how Mr. Octo has become a part of our family through the years, and the ways he & I support each other.

(All photos courtesy of Corey Ann Photography.)

I love my sister. Can you tell?

After Lauren's great toast, Best Man JP stepped up to the microphone. His toast was bit more serious and sentimental than my sister's....

.....which touched Mr. Octo's heart.

He fit a few jokes in too, though.

Next, one of our beloved family friends (Bridesmaid Hannah's mom!) stepped up to give a blessing. She has known me and cared for me and been a huge part of my life since I was in third grade, so it was really special to have her deliver the blessing.

Finally, it was Dad Octo's turn.

He began by thanking and acknowledging various important family members and friends who had a significant role or contribution in our wedding. I thought he handled acknowledging Mr. Octo's mom really sensitively--rather than asking for a moment of remembrance or silence, which could have become really sad really quickly, he asked our guests to applaud in appreciation for her efforts both in raising Mr. Octo and in helping our wedding come together. It was a really sweet and upbeat (or as upbeat as such a thing can be) way to remember her.

Then, he gave a funny toast about all the ways I scared him (and Mom Octopus) in my adventures through the years, from the time we passed a ravine during a walk in the woods when I was three and I described in great detail exactly how, if I fell in the ravine, I would scream all the way to the bottom....

.....to the time my semester abroad turned moderately life-threatening.....

(I am laughing at Bridesmaid Erica, who studied abroad with me, and squealed "WOOOOOO!!!!" at the mention of our trip.)

.....to the time I came home and said, "So, I met this guy."

It was so sweet and so special to hear our loved ones' words about us and our relationship, especially knowing that they had all worked hard to write something sincere and thoughtful.

After the toasts wrapped up, dinner began, and Mr. Octo and I started our mission to visit each table of guests. We managed to visit all seventeen tables, and even took a few breaks to eat some dinner! I'm really glad that we did this, because I'm confident that if we hadn't, some people would have left our wedding without ever getting a minute to speak to us personally. Since nearly all our guests traveled in order to be there with us, we felt that seeing and talking to everyone was really important.

That doesn't mean it was easy! Mr. Octo and I devised a strategy in the few days before our reception, and sticking to it was what enabled us to visit all seventeen tables as planned. Here are our tips for successfully getting face time with each of your wedding guests!

Mr. and Mrs. Octo's Three-Pronged Attack on Guest Visitation
1.) Save your friends for last. They'll be the most understanding if they get skipped, and they're the most likely to spend plenty of time with you on the dance floor.
2.) Set a clear time limit for how long you'll visit each table. Ours was about three minutes. It's not much time, but in my opinion, it's a lot better than nothing.
3.) Your guests will be excited to see you and would love to have you for a lot longer than three minutes. They're going to want to take (lots of) pictures with you, and to talk with you for a good long time. We suspected we'd probably have to take the initiative to wrap up our table visits, and we were right. Most of our tables were pretty solidly made up of either my guests or his, so we decided that the enforcer who began the "we're so glad you could make it, it was great to see you!" wrap-it-up process would be the person whose table it wasn't, if that makes sense.
4.) Our dinner was served in stations, so we asked MOH Lauren & Best Man JP, who were seated at our table, to make a plate of food for us. We also asked them to make sure the wait staff didn't accidentally clear our plates while we were up and about, so we could periodically stop back to take a break and a few more bites of dinner. It worked, and we were able to eat as much as we wanted.

As dinner wound down, we started to get excited for the one part of our wedding that both Mr. Octo and I had been looking forward to more than anything else: dancing!

Previously, in the Octopus wedding....

The Luckiest: Our First Dance

2011-01-19T21:50:00.000-05:00

I don't get many things right the first time
In fact, I am told that a lot
Now I know all the wrong turns
The stumbles and falls
Brought me here

And where was I before the day
That I first saw your lovely face?
Now I see it every day

And I know
That I am
I am
I am
The luckiest

What if I'd been born fifty years before you
in a house on the street where you lived?
Maybe I'd be outside as you passed on your bike...
Would I know?

And in a white sea of eyes
I see one pair that I recognize
And I know

That I am
I am
I am
The luckiest

I love you more than I have ever found a way to say to you

Next door
There's an old man who lived to his nineties
And one day, passed away in his sleep
And his wife, she stayed for a couple of days
And passed away

I'm sorry, I know that's a strange way to tell you that I know
We belong

That I know
that I am
I am
I am
The luckiest

(All photos courtesy of Corey Ann Photography.)

Previously, in the Octopus wedding...

The Luckiest: A Big Intro and a Cake Cutting

2011-01-17T20:01:00.001-05:00

Being announced into the reception was another one of those "wow, is this really happening?" moments on our wedding day. Kind of like, "AAAHH! It is time for our reception! The thing I've been looking forward to more than anything in the world for months and months is HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!"

First up were my parents and Mr. Octo's dad.

(All photos courtesy of Corey Ann Photography.)

Next up were Bridesmaid Clara and Groomsman John. I always tease Clara for being the least whimsical person I've ever met in my entire life. She continued her unbroken streak of stonefaced straightforwardness with this completely uninspired reception entrance (aka just walking straight in). Hahaha!

Here's my brother Adam twirling Bridesmaid Hannah into the room. This pairing is so cute--Adam and Hannah have known each other since he was two.

My brother is also the only groomsman who looked like a total boozehound by entering the room with drink in hand. Nice.

Groomsman Adam and Bridesmaid Leigha were up next...

....followed by Bridesmaid Katie and Groomsman Nick's chest bump/shimmy maneuver. This photo makes me laugh.

Bridesmaid Erica and Groomsman Ben performed a conceptual/interpretive dance move (not caught on camera)....

....and then it was our turn. Triumphant!

One of the guests at the table below is a Pittsburgh native, and instructed his tablemates to twirl their napkins like that as we entered, assuring them we would understand what it meant. Terrible Napkins at our wedding! FUN! (Also, we two Steelers fans were cackling in glee from our home deep in Patriots country Sunday night. Who's with me?)

Check out that sassy entrance onto the dance floor. Oh, HEY there, handsome! Fancy seeing YOU here!

We cut our cake as soon as we entered. Our entire cake situation is the product of my being utterly burnt out on spending money as the wedding approached. I had always planned on having an actual wedding cake rather than cupcakes, but then our baker let us know that we could have more flavor choices with cupcakes, and it would cost $150 less. One hundred and fifty dollars I DON'T have to spend? Sure, sign me up!

Same for a cake topper. "Find cake topper" kept falling farther and farther down the to-do list, and they seemed so expensive and I never saw anything that spoke to me, and I finally just ended up sticking it on the Eff-It List. We didn't have one, and I don't regret it AT ALL.

Aaaand same for a fancy cake cutting set. The random knife found in the kitchen of the Children's Museum two minutes beforehand will do just fine, thanks.

We prepared for a nice hearty bite of red velvet cake with cream cheese filling (MMMM!), and I remembered exactly what I was saying in this picture: "I paid eighty dollars for this makeup job. Don't you dare screw it up by putting cake on my face."

Also, tip: you might want to inform your groom exactly how this cake-cutting ritual is supposed to go. I just assumed that he knew how it worked, but I was wrong. Mr. Octo was juuuust about to stuff his bite of cake into his own mouth when I lovingly squealed, "NO, DUMMY! We're supposed to feed the cake to each other!"

Luckily, we managed to get it right.

Victory over the cake-cutting ceremony! I am such a badass at eating cake I had to double fist pump.

Aaaand a post-cake smooch.

MMMMMMM!!!!

After our pre-dinner dessert (my favorite way to start any dinner), it was time for our first dance. That's up next!

Previously, in the Octopus wedding.....

The Luckiest: Cocktail Fifteen Minutes

2011-01-13T22:02:00.000-05:00

We arrived at the Children's Museum with just enough time to enjoy a few appetizers, some whirlwind socializing, and, for me, a quick peek into the Grand Hall to see our reception set-up for the first time (Mr. Octo was more interested in having a gin and tonic with his buddies). Bridesmaid Katie put a cocktail in my hand within minutes of walking through the door, the reception looked fantastic, and I was in a great mood, finally relaxed and happy and ready to enjoy the party.

(All photos by Corey Ann Photography.)

Bridesmaid Katie also took me aside to affix my "something borrowed"--Bridesmaid Erica's hair flower--to my hair, while I.....checked my cleavage (with concern), I guess?

Bridesmaid Clara's daughter discovered a fabulously interesting new toy: her mommy's bouquet.

Before I knew it, though, the event staff let me know it was time to pin down our bridal party and get ourselves ready, because everyone else was going to be seated. It was time for our big entrance!

Previously, in the Octopus wedding....

The Luckiest: How It All Looked

2011-01-11T18:48:00.000-05:00

Guys, I hope you've come to know me well enough by now not to expect any great shakes from the "details, details, details!" post. My wedding had, like, four details, which is perfectly fine with me. Still, I thought you might like to see how everything looked all put together.

For fun, here's the board I made way back in the day to help me picture the colors I wanted to use:

Top row: 1, 2, 3, 4 Middle row: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 Bottom row: 1, 2, 3

First up, our venues....

(All photos by Corey Ann Photography, unless noted.)

Heinz Chapel, our ceremony site.

The Children's Museum of Pittsburgh, our reception site. Once in black and white....

....and once in color.

Here's the museum lobby, where our cocktail hour was held.

Here's the Grand Hall, all set up for our reception! The only bummer is the way our linens photographed--they were a really pretty shimmery gold/champagne color in person, but showed up pale yellow in all the pictures. They weren't yellow, I swear!

Look! I made table numbers!

On to the boozier details. Here are our bar menus. You might note that I did indeed decide to name one of our cocktail selections a "Daffodil," and added a silhouette of my precious pumpkin to boot.

You'll note that Dad Octopus's beer of choice, Labatt Blue, did make the cut. I have to admit, grudgingly, that it was very popular--the only beer of which we had no leftovers.

People, the Daffodil was a SMASH HIT. Our guests were guzzling them. No wonder--it is sooooooo delicious. Serve it at your wedding. Orange juice, ginger ale, vanilla vodka. Thank me later (and the commenters who first suggested it to me).

The "Cranberry Fizz"--cranberry juice, lemon vodka, and seltzer water.

Our most popular cocktail, though, was my grandfather's whiskey sour recipe. It was the only one we ran out of before the reception ended, a fact that pleased my grandfather to no end!

One of our dinner stations--the carving station. People were RAVING about the turkey at this station....one of the only foods that I didn't get a bite of! Damn!

Yummy, yummy cupcakes for dessert.

On to some paper details. I had big plans to have our invitation designer create a seating chart display on a poster board, but time got away from me, and the plan was getting expensive and difficult to manage and I just scrapped it and made these folded cards in like, six minutes. It worked out for the best!

For our guestbook, I created a photo album of pictures from our many years together, using MyPublisher. Everyone signed in the margins of the photos and on blank pages I created. I really like how it turned out!

Here's a shot of the out-of-town bags we distributed to our guests. My mom and I felt it was especially important to do a nice job on these, since nearly all of our guests were coming in from out of town and staying in a hotel. We went for quantity of items over one or two regional specialties, so each of our bags contained a welcome booklet I made, a Pittsburgh visitor's guide, a map, two bottles of water, cookies, Nature Valley granola bars, fun sized candy bars, and two bags of chips.

(Personal photo.)

Would you believe I brought an entire invitation suite, including faux-ligraphed, lined envelope, for Corey to photograph, then COMPLETELY forgot about it? Oh well. Here are my much-less-professional-looking pictures:

Finally, some "us" details. Mostly I just wanted to throw another gratuitous shot of my veil in there. GOD I loved that veil.

Here's how the "bride's side" look turned out:

And the groom's:

And here we are together!

So there you have it! The look of our wedding!

Previously, in the Octopus wedding....

The Luckiest: We Love PGH

2011-01-09T18:49:00.000-05:00

After we wrapped up our photos on Pitt's campus, we realized we were quite a bit ahead of schedule. With glee in my heart, I realized that this meant we had enough spare time to stop at a photo location that I had originally planned to go with my bridesmaids, but had to scrap when Corey got held up in traffic. Yay!

We all piled into our non-fancy-but-functional shuttle van (oh, and note Groomsman/Brother Adam's photo bomb in the back corner. A love of photo bombing is just one of the many bonds he shares with Mr. Octo).

(Guest photo.)

Our reception and hotel blocks were all on the North Shore of Pittsburgh, which features totally gorgeous views of the city skyline. By finishing our Pitt photos ahead of schedule, we were able to make a quick stop at the waterfront for some skyline shots!

(All photos courtesy of Corey Ann Photography.)

And one of my brand new husband and I in front of the city we love.

Photos taken, it was time to pile back into our shuttle and arrive at the reception!

(Oh, hey, Heinz Field! Thank you SO MUCH for not hosting a Steelers game on our wedding weekend, making our lives easier times a billion!)

Previously, in the Octopus wedding....

Previously, in the Octopus wedding…

The Luckiest: You & Me

2011-01-05T17:42:00.002-05:00

Okay! Brace yourselves for a whole lot of gazing!

First, we gazed at each other in the Cathedral of Learning.

(All photos courtesy of Corey Ann Photography.)

Then we took some pictures at a fountain outside the Cathedral of Learning. After our second official date eight years ago, we sat on some benches near this fountain and had an animated conversation. Mr. Octo swears up and down that it was during this conversation that he realized he was in love with me (on our SECOND DATE!). As I have said, he is far more romantic and prone to falling-in-love-instantly scenarios than I am--I didn't realize I was in love with him until six months later, when we were slow dancing on the grimy basement "dance floor" of a frat house. True story.

Then we did some posing in front of Schenley Fountain. The fun part of marrying your college sweetheart on your college campus is that practically everywhere holds some kind of significance. A long line of food trucks used to park on the street nearest this fountain; he would get a pad thai and I would get a chicken tikka masala and we'd sit here together and eat and talk.

Possibly my number one top favorite wedding photo:

Then Corey had us stand behind these trees to elicit a kind of "in a forest" look. I love walking through surprise forests in a wedding gown, so I was game.

Long story:

Folks, the fact is, my husband is really really really good-looking. He is so handsome in this next photo, it kills me!

I like this guy.

Previously, in the Octopus wedding…

The Luckiest: Bridal Party Posing

2011-01-04T18:57:00.000-05:00

Once our bridal party was finally all corralled into one place, we tromped into the University of Pittsburgh's main academic building, the Cathedral of Learning. It is very beautiful and dramatic and Hogwarts-y, and I was anticipating lots of gorgeous pictures. I was not anticipating that the Commons Room (the big, beautiful, dramatic main room) would be packed with students studying, who were clearly NOT amused by our hijinks. We took this photo.....

(All photos courtesy of Corey Ann Photography.)

....and then took our cue from the sulky students and rolled out. (By the way, glowering college students, it was 5 PM on a gorgeous, warm, sunny Saturday and you will never experience such a carefree time again in your lives. Go outside and play!)

As we headed over to our next photo location, we were spotted by a corner vendor who sells Pitt merchandise, and he trotted over with free t-shirts for the bride & groom. Yay! I love you, alma mater!

My groom got caught sneaking a sip of liquid courage.

At the Schenley Fountain, my bridesmaids and I took a load off while the guys took their turns posing for the camera. It felt AMAZING to sit down and chill out on that bench. I remember leaning over to my sister and exclaiming, "this is the first time I've felt relaxed in three days!"

Isn't it nice when the scenery does all the work?

Good news! Our bridal party is wildly attractive.

After several variations of line-up-and-look pretty, it was time for my groom and I to bat our eyelashes at each other. Come back next time for lots and lots of versions of kissy-face!

Previously, in the Octopus wedding….

The Luckiest: The One Unhappy Moment

2011-01-02T19:17:00.000-05:00

In the interest of keeping it real, I'll tell you that the time period between our family portraits wrapping up and our bridal party portraits beginning was the only time during our wedding day in which I felt genuinely unhappy. Like I mentioned in a prior recap, our ceremony felt like A Big Deal. It was joyful, but important and serious, too. It was also short--from the officiant's opening words to his pronouncement, the entire thing took less than twenty minutes.

What made me unhappy was feeling like I'd had no time to really process what had just gone down. As soon as the ceremony ended, we were whooshed downstairs by the Heinz Chapel staff, where our excited bridal party immediately mobbed us with hugs and shrieks of congratulations. Then, right after that, we were whisked back upstairs for our family portraits. Our formal portraits turned out beautifully, and I'm glad we have them, but the process of taking them was not quite what I'd call "fun." I was starting to feel hot in the stuffy chapel, and my dress was feeling heavy and tight, and my bouquet was heavy, and our young nieces (who, do not get me wrong, I love very much) were really excited about me in my bridal getup and wanted to be really close to me at all times, and it's kind of hard to beam radiantly for photo after photo after photo, you know?!

Basically, what I really, really wanted to do was sit down in a cool, dark room, alone with Mr. Octo, and take a little break to talk with him about how we were feeling, how the ceremony had gone, and just process the fact that we were now married. Instead, I was starting to feel a little like Wedding Day Barbie.

This all culminated when the formal portraits wrapped up and we left the Chapel to discover that the bridal party was nowhere to be found. Like, seriously, nowhere. My sister had been inside taking portraits with us, and volunteered to go round them up. She disappeared. When a few minutes passed and no one had come back, Mr. Octo then volunteered to go find everyone. He disappeared, and didn't return.

So there I was, alone, with no idea where my new husband or any of our twelve bridal party members had gone. And I started to feel mightily out of sorts. For me, packing the amount of emotional impact our ceremony had into fifteen minutes felt, honestly, weird. It felt weird to go through such a significant experience in such a short time, and it felt really weird to cap it off by half an hour of grinning through tons of pictures without a moment to breathe in between, and then to suddenly find myself alone after that felt even weirder. I just felt overwhelmed, I guess. Discombobulated. It felt like my brain was running on a thirty-minute time delay from my body. Once I was standing alone, outside, with no idea where anyone was, my brain started catching up, and I just kept thinking, "wait, what just happened?! Seriously, what HAPPENED? What is going ON right now?! I can't do this! I want to take this dress off! I want to lay down! I want to go HOME!"

There wasn't any one particular thing that cured my funk, although finally locating Mr. Octo and the bridal party helped (turns out that Mom Octo, trying very hard to be helpful, herded everyone away to wait for the shuttle to the Children's Museum--forgetting that the bridal party was going to take photos around Pitt's campus for an hour before the shuttle arrived). What really perked me back up, though, was getting our bridal party portrait session underway. It was sunny and breezy and a perfectly refreshing 65-70 degrees, and walking around with our friends felt much more low-key than the family portraits in the chapel, and it was the first time all day that I didn't feel nervous.

I'm actually really glad that we didn't do a first look for this reason--if I hadn't had the opportunity for some calm after the ceremony, and instead jumped straight into cocktail hour, I suspect I would have gotten progressively more frazzled and freaked out. Instead, after our nice, low-key portrait session, in which the pressure was finally off, no one was watching me, our friends were making us laugh, and I had lots of time to hug Mr. Octo and talk quietly to him, I felt relaxed and ready to get my party on.

Basically, the thing is, I have a pretty strong introvert streak. Not in the sense that I'm shy (I'm not), or that I don't enjoy parties and socializing (I do, a lot), but in the sense that I'm an alone-time person. Being alone clears my head and makes me feel grounded. I need it to function properly. I also need to take a breather periodically when spending time with lots of people. So, fellow introverted, alone-time brides: find the space to sit down and have a quiet moment to collect your thoughts and take fifteen deep breaths on your wedding day. Seriously, find it. You will need it, and you will not regret it. My feelings about my wedding may have gone in a very different direction if I hadn't.

Previously, in the Octopus wedding.....

What To Do About My Wedding Band: Another Installment

2010-12-19T22:09:00.001-05:00

About a month after we got married, I shared with you all that my custom wedding band turned out significantly different than what I had imagined and wanted. I was hoping for a floral filigree band, something dainty and intricate. I got something, well, clunky.

Yeah, not gonna work.

Reading all of your comments on that post was really enlightening to me. I learned a few things from all of your helpful thoughts and suggestions. The main fact that became apparent to me was that the jeweler I had commissioned to design the band was simply a poor fit for what I wanted. My parents gave me a gift certificate to his shop because it truly is filled with beautiful pieces. However, those pieces are very, very different in style from what I was asking for. He designs relatively simple, semi-funky, organic-looking jewelry that often features unusual gemstones. This did not escape my notice; I remember the first time I walked into his store, I thought, "hmm, nothing in these displays looks like what I'm imagining...." But I showed him my pictures, he said "sure," and I was both really excited and really uninformed, so I just went ahead with it. In retrospect, I should have done more research about the custom jewelry process and trusted my gut instinct that this was not the right artist to execute my ideas, and he should have pointed out the fact that intricate, patterned scrollwork is not his specialty. Lesson learned.

Many of you advocated for me to request a refund and go elsewhere, and I knew that's what I really needed to do. Like I said, it was apparent that he was not the right jeweler for my ring, and I knew there wasn't really going to be any fixing it into something that met my expectations.

And then.....I put it off. I put it off, and put it off, and put it off. Honestly, I have never been in this situation before, and I was really nervous about contacting him to say that I flat-out did not like the end product, didn't think he could fix it, and wanted my money back. It wasn't a satisfactory product and I knew it, but that still sounds HARSH, you know? I was also really, really afraid that he would refuse to refund my money, and then I'd be stuck with an expensive ring that I didn't like and did not want to wear.

I put off getting in touch with him until last week--two and a half months after our wedding. (I do not recommend this route. It was dumb of me, and I know it.) Finally, I knew that I HAD to bite the bullet and contact him. I spent, like, an hour composing a carefully-worded e-mail that I hoped was assertive and made my dissatisfaction clear, but was also kind and respectful of the work he put into it. I sent it off, and was sweating bullets.

Then, I heard back: "I'm sorry that the ring did not have the elements you were hoping for. Send it back to me, and get in touch with your credit card information, and I will issue you a full refund." Oh! OH! Okay then! (I do somewhat suspect that he knew that the ring wasn't comparable to what I had showed him, which is why he so readily offered a refund. Or maybe he's just really, really nice, and really concerned with customer satisfaction. Either way, win for me.)

So here's my dilemma now: I need a new wedding band, and I will have the refunded money from my first go-round at my disposal for it.

The wedding bands that have always, always, always made my heart pound are these ones from Fay Cullen:

(Source for all three.)

I get the total "GASP! it's PERFECT! it's EXACTLY what I want!" swoony feeling when I look at those rings. The problem? They are VERY expensive. The first ring (my very favorite) costs $2,080, the second ring costs $1,690, and the third ring costs $1,950. Gulp.

None of those prices are something we could comfortably afford right now, even after applying the refund money from the first band. I also feel that, despite how much I love the rings, that's just a pretty extravagant price to pay for a band. If we were in a place right now where we had a solid amount of disposable income, I wouldn't be so hesitant, but things are tight in the Octo household right now. Mr. Octo and I prioritize a debt-free lifestyle very highly, so if I were to go for one of those rings, it would have to wait for a good long while, until we could pay in full, in cash, without sweating it or freaking out that the money really should be spent on something else. (For reference: in our situation, "a good long while" would likely mean about two years.)

The other option, as I see it, is to go scouring for something else--something cheaper. I have yet to find anything else out there that makes my heart sing like those Fay Cullen bands, but maybe I just haven't looked hard enough. If we were to go the immediate-purchase route, I'd be looking for rings that fell within the $500-750 range. If I were looking for a simpler ring, I think that would be a fairly easy find, but since my engagement ring does not fit flush with regular bands, I really wanted to swap it over to my right hand, and wear a more intricate wedding band all by itself on my left hand. A detailed, patterned band for $500-750 is not something I've come by yet.

What do you all think I should do? Can you point me in the direction of bands reminiscent of those Fay Cullen beauties in a lower price range?

The Luckiest: Obligatory Family Photos

2010-12-16T09:35:00.000-05:00

The post-ceremony portraits were kind of a crazy blur. As soon as we finished our recessional down the aisle, the Heinz Chapel coordinators whisked us back downstairs with the rest of the bridal party. Have I mentioned Heinz Chapel has a policy or two? One of them is no receiving lines allowed (which I was actually thrilled about--receiving lines are not my jam). Anyway, we had to be sequestered away for about ten minutes as our guests cleared out of the Chapel, lest an impromptu receiving line form.

Then, we were whooshed back up to the altar for a round of family formals. I will not show you all of them, because there are LOTS!

Here's a tip from my photographer to me to you: before the wedding, list all the portraits that you want to have taken. Start with portraits including elderly people and children, whose stamina for picture-taking will wane the fastest. Also, start with the largest groups and work your way down by pulling people out, rather than putting people in and trying to re-arrange. Finally, nominate a person who is a.) not your photographer and b.) not in the majority of the portraits to be the wrangler and shot-caller. Bridesmaid/Cousin Katie's mom, my aunt Cathy, did this job for us, and nailed it. She had our shot list, announced the people who should be in each photograph, and as a result, our formal portraits were breezy, painless, and finished twenty minutes ahead of schedule.

(All photos courtesy of Corey Ann Photography.)

The immediate Octopus family:

Mr. Octo's sister Kristine and family. They live in Pittsburgh, and we spent our college years heading over to their house in the suburbs every so often to be fed a real meal in a real house. It's the simple things when you're a college student. PS. Littlest Niece is KILLING ME in this photo. She is three and SO CUTE and was such a trooper about posing for pictures!

Mr. Octo's other sister Kathy and her daughters. If you are a real traditionalist who wants very formal wedding photos, you may want to give the kids a once-over. Niece Octo has an armful of Silly Bandz on in all of our portraits, which I think is cute and shows her personality, but it's just something to be aware of in case you think something like that would bug you.

Mr. Octo looks exactly like his father, right down to the green eyes. He does have his mom's chin, though.

Pictures like this will make your parents happy forever. Both Mom and Dad Octopus basically lost their shit over this photo. Personally, no matter how artsy your taste in photography, I think it's nice to have some line-up-and-smile-prettily wedding photos for posterity. Aren't my brother and sister so cute?

I am posting this shot because the "cat who ate the canary" expression on my face cracks me up every time. Basically, this picture is saying, "have you guys SEEN this veil I'm sporting? I'M THE BRIDE, FYI."

Here's the story behind this next photo: as I've mentioned a few times before, Mr. Octo's sisters Kathy and Kristine are his half-sisters from his father's first marriage. When Mr. Octo's dad married his mom, Kathy & Kristine attended the wedding, and the photographer took a photo of Kristine kissing Mr. Octo's mom on the tip of her nose. Years and years later, when Kristine got married, they switched it up and took a portrait of Mr. Octo's mom kissing Kristine on her nose. His family is really sentimental about those two pictures, so on our wedding day, we took a picture of Kristine's daughter kissing me on my nose. I can 100% guarantee that if Mr. Octo's mom had been present on our wedding day, she would have been over the moon about this picture.

The especially good news is that the shot turned out to be really, really, really adorable.

There you have it: the greatest hits from our family portrait session! And with that, Hive, I'm going to take a recapping break for the holidays. I'll see you in 2011 with tales of the one unhappy moment of my wedding day, photos of our bridal party rambling around the University of Pittsburgh campus, and an attempt to capture everything about our wedding reception, aka the most glorious five hours of my life! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Previously, in the Octopus wedding....

The Luckiest: Our Ceremony

2010-12-12T20:11:00.001-05:00

"Dearly beloved, we are assembled here in the presence of God and these witnesses to celebrate the joining of this man and this woman in the unity of marriage. There are no obligations on earth sweeter or tender than those you are about to assume. There are no vows more solemn than those you are about to make. There is no human institution more sacred than that of the home you are about to form. True marriage is the holiest of all earthly relationships. The state of matrimony is based this deep, invisible union of two souls who seek to find completion in one another. Do you understand this?"

"We do."

After our short and sweet welcome and declaration of intent, Mr. Octo's sister Kristine stepped up to deliver our first reading.

(All photos courtesy of Corey Ann Photography.)

Union, by Robert Fulghum
You have known each other from the first glance of acquaintance to this point of commitment. At some point, you decided to marry. From that moment of yes, to this moment of yes, indeed, you have been making commitments in an informal way. All of those conversations that were held in a car, or over a meal, or during long walks--all those conversations that began with "when we're married," and continued with "I will," and "you will," and "we will,"--all those late night talks that included "someday" and "somehow" and "maybe"--and all those promises that are unspoken matters of the heart. All these common things, and more, are the real processes of a wedding.

The symbolic vows that you are about to make are a way of saying to one another, “You know all those things that we’ve promised, and hoped, and dreamed – well, I meant it all, every word.”

Look at one another and remember this moment in time. Before this moment, you have been many things to one another--acquaintance, friend, companion, lover, dancing partner, even teacher, for you have learned much from one another these past few years. Shortly you shall say a few words that will take you across a threshold of life, and things between you will never quite be the same.

For after today, you shall say to the world: this is my husband. This is my wife.

And with that, it was time for our vows. We chose to use a spin on the traditional marriage vows. I loved the symbolism of speaking the same words that thousands of married couples have spoken before us, and Mr. Octo was really nervous about the concept of writing his own vows from scratch, so we were in agreement. We personalized them a little, but we didn't get too crazy.

Oh, and you know what they say about being lost in the moment? Totally true for me. There was NO ONE in the room but him and me during this part.

"I, Kenneth, affirm my love to you, Carrie, as I invite you to be my lifelong partner. I promise to love you faithfully, to respect and cherish you, and to be your closest and most constant friend. I will treat you with kindness, selflessness, and trust, and I will strive to build the warm, rich life we look forward to sharing.

To this end, I call upon all present to witness that I take you, Carrie, to be my lawful wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live."

Why is my husband laughing in this next picture? Well, because here's a thing I haven't shared with you: Mr. Octo is a crier. A HUGE crier. He cries about EVERYTHING. Pixar movies, childhood memories, whatever. Everyone knows this about him, and teased him relentlessly in the days leading up to the wedding. I mean, they had good reason to. He cried sitting in the audience of Bridesmaid Erica's wedding last April ("she just looked so beautiful and happy!"). He cried every time he read a draft of our wedding ceremony. He cried at the wedding rehearsal. There was good reason to suspect that he would devolve into a full-on ugly cry during our ceremony.

Well, who made it through his vows with a charmingly throaty voice, but dry eyes? That would be Mr. Gleeful Smirk down there. And who needed a minute to wipe her eyes and regain her composure? Well, that'd be me. The person who is semi-affectionately nicknamed "The Robot" by her husband for her ability to stay cool at all times. The person who would say "even-tempered" is one of her most significant personality traits. Me! Overcome with emotion! Will wonders never cease!

"I, Carrie, affirm my love to you, Kenneth, as I invite you to be my lifelong partner. I promise to love you faithfully, to respect and cherish you, and to be your closest and most constant friend. I will treat you with kindness, selflessness, and trust, and I will strive to build the warm, rich life we look forward to sharing.

To this end, I call upon all present to witness that I take you, Kenneth, to be my lawful husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live."

After our vows, it was time for our rings.

"Traditionally, the passage into marriage is marked by the exchange of rings. The unbroken circle represents the love freely given and received in marriage. May these rings always remind you of the vows you have taken."

"Carrie, with this ring, I choose you as my wife, and I join my life with yours."

"Kenneth, with this ring, I choose you as my husband, and I join my life with yours."

"Carrie and Ken, the two separate candles symbolize your separate lives, separate families, and separate sets of friends. I ask that each of you take one of the lit candles and that together, you light the center candle.

The individual candle represents your lives before you married. Lighting the center candle represents that your two lives are now joined to one light, and represents the joining of your two families and sets of friends to one."

Then, my aunt Cindy stepped up to perform a reading. We used an excerpt from Sandol Stoddard Warburg's children's book, "I Like You." I think this reading has been making the rounds of the wedding blogosphere a lot lately, and I worried a little bit beforehand that it was too "done," too played out. (Like many, many, many other things that have become trendy in wedding media, absolutely no one in attendance knew this but me.) At the end of the day, though, we love this reading a lot, way too much to scrap it for something else. It represents so much of how we feel about each other; it really captures the lightheartedness, the fun, and the friendship that characterizes our relationship.

I Like You, by Sandol Stoddard Warburg
I like you, and I know why. I like you because when I tell you something special, you know it's special, and you remember it a long, long time. When I think something is important, you think it's important too. When I say something funny, you laugh. You know how to be silly. That's why I like you. Boy, are you ever silly. I never met anybody sillier than me till I met you. You really like me, and I really like you back, and you like me back, and I like you back, and that's the way we keep on going, every day.

And I like you because if we go away together, and if we are in Grand Central Station, and if I get lost, then you are the one that is yelling for me.

If you find two four-leaf clovers, you give me one. If I find four, I give you two. If we only find three, we keep on looking. Sometimes we have good luck, and sometimes we don't.

I like you because everything that happens is nicer with you. I can't remember when I didn't like you. It must have been lonesome then.

Even if it was some day in August, even if it was way down at the bottom of November, even if it was no place particular in January, I would go on choosing you, and you would go on choosing me, over and over again. That's how it would happen every time. I guess I just like you. I guess I just like you because I like you."

"Ken and Carrie, you have declared before all of us that you will live together in marriage. You have made special promises to each other, which have been symbolized by the joining of hands, taking of vows, and the giving and receiving of two rings. By the authority vested in me as a Minister in the state of Pennsylvania, I now pronounce you to be husband and wife. Now that the ceremony is over and the experience of living day by day is about to begin, go and meet it gladly. You may seal your vows with a kiss."

"Ladies and gentlemen, it is my honor to present to you for the first time as husband and wife: Mr. and Mrs. Kenneth and Carrie Octopus!" (Haha. Not really on that last part. Wouldn't it be amazing if our last name really was Octopus, though?)

Hive, our ceremony was an intense experience. I don't know that I can really do justice to trying to pin down precisely how it felt, and I'd be willing to bet that the married ladies reading this would agree. All I can say is that I've never felt like that before. It wasn't even necessarily joy that I felt, although that was certainly present; it was more like a feeling of seriousness, of enormity. Promising to love and stay with a person throughout everything, forever, is no small thing. It's beautiful, but serious, and deep. I felt the bigness of that commitment very thoroughly as I said my vows and listened to him say his. And I'm not kidding about the fact that everyone else in that huge chapel disappeared. I was in a bubble with Mr. Octo. It was the two of us, and the person marrying us, and that was it. I was standing in a huge, grand space, with over a hundred people watching our every move, and the only thing in the world I saw were his bright green eyes.

Previously, in the Octopus wedding....

The Luckiest: Making Our Way Up the Aisle

2010-12-07T19:02:00.001-05:00

The pre-processional began with Groomsman/Brother Adam escorting Grandma Octopus up the aisle. This is another of my very, very favorite photos, because of how lovingly my brother is looking at our grandmother.

(All photos courtesy of Corey Ann Photography.)

Next up were Grammy & Poppa Octopus.

Okay, before I go on, can I offer you a small rant? Our officiant was not someone we had a personal relationship with; he does a lot of wedding ceremonies in the Pittsburgh area, and he and his wife advertise themselves as a bit of a team, with him doing the actual ceremonies, and her doing all the administrative stuff. They assured me they'd done many, many ceremonies at Heinz Chapel before, and were very familiar with all the rules of the site.

Now, I have no complaints about their actual services. They were prompt and helpful, they offered us a totally customized ceremony, and it was delivered nicely. But. If you have done lots of ceremonies at Heinz Chapel, then you most definitely know that photography is highly restricted there. Corey was fixed in one pew, with very little freedom to move around, while her second shooter was placed in the balcony above.

So the officiant's wife's choice to stand in the back row, on the opposite side from where Corey was shooting, thereby being a very noticeable presence in EVERY SINGLE ONE of our processional shots, was more than a little baffling and frustrating to me. You will see her standing in the corner of eeeeeevery picture of the bridal party. ARGH.

So, anyway, after my grandparents proceeded up the aisle, it was Mr. Octo's nieces' turn. If you recall, this portion of the ceremony was a tribute to Mr. Octo's mom. Daffodils were her favorite flower, so the girls carried daffodils up to the altar to place in a vase behind the groom's side of the unity candle. I am told that they did a GREAT job with this responsibility and took it very seriously, walking slowly and adorably up the aisle.

Next, Dad Octopus escorted Mom Octopus up the aisle. I love this picture, because come on, look at their faces. I think my mom's face would actually break in half if she were smiling any bigger.

Mom, Dad, and all the Nieces Octopus proceeded up the altar to light the taper candles for the lighting of the unity candle.

Then, it was time for the "official" processional. The really dramatic organ music started up, and the bridal party began walking up the aisle. (To get the full effect, you have to imagine me just around the edge of the doorway, just absolutely sweating bullets and shrieking, on the inside, with excitement and nerves and disbelief.)

(GAH! GET OUT OF THE SHOT, OFFICIANT'S WIFE!)

Also, I have to confess that this next picture (and bridal party pairing) always makes me smile a little extra. Ben is the only one of the groomsmen who is equally as much my friend as he is Mr. Octo's. We each met Ben independently of each other, before we started dating (he sat next to Mr. Octo in Heinz Chapel Choir practice, and he lived down the hall from Bridesmaid Erica and I in our freshman year dorm). Groomsman Ben, Bridesmaid Erica, and I got up to ALL kinds of shenanigans together when we were young and dumb. I have a whole lot of ridiculous memories with these two people right here.

(Me at the time: OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD ONLY ONE PAIR LEFT.........!!!!)

My groom waited at the end of the aisle.

Dad Octopus and I prepared ourselves at the back of the chapel. I'll always remember what he said to me when he got back there from walking Mom Octopus up to the unity candle: "Wow! Look at YOU!"

The bridal processional began to play. I'm not afraid of a little fanfare and drama, so from the limited choices Heinz Chapel offers, Mr. Octo and I picked an organ piece that you might call......majestic? You can hear it here, although it sounds quite a bit more BOOMING when played on an organ:

Anyway, Dad Octopus told me later that standing in the doorway of the chapel arm in arm with me, looking ahead to all our wedding guests while that dramatic music played, was the "moment of a lifetime" for him. That made me so happy to hear!

The wedding coordinator had us pause in the doorway for a few beats (the staff likes to WORK the moment of the bridal entrance, I think), and then we stepped inside as the music thundered around us. It was such a huge, overwhelming moment, I feel like all coherent thoughts left my head. I don't even remember thinking, "wow," or anything like that. I was just breathing and walking and feeling.

I love these next two photos, because you can pinpoint the exact moment that Mr. Octo and I made eye contact with each other. Look at those grins.

After what felt like forever (Heinz Chapel's aisle is LONG!!!!), my father and I reached the altar.

We hugged...

...he and Mr. Octo hugged, and then I stepped up to the altar with the man who was just a few minutes away from becoming my husband.

Previously, in the Octopus wedding...

The Luckiest: The Moments Before

2010-12-05T10:20:00.001-05:00

As planned, my bridesmaids and I rolled up to Heinz Chapel chauffeured by Mom Octopus in her slammin' Dodge Caravan. She pulled into the primo spot right behind the Chapel, and the parking attendant informed her, "oh, I'm sorry, ma'am, this spot is reserved for the bridal limousine." Bridal limousine? You're lookin' at it, buddy. Bridal minivan or bust!

Oh, I'm sorry, what was that? You'd like some pre-ceremony chapel eye candy? Sure, I guess I can show you a little somethin'.

(All photos courtesy of Corey Ann Photography.)

These windows tingle my spine every time. They are seventy-three feet tall. While I love these photos, I've yet to see a photo anywhere that completely captures how truly stunning this place is. What I also love about the windows is that they honor both men and women equally, and represent moments in history, literature, philosophy, and music, as well as religion. Emily Dickinson, Da Vinci, Isaac Newton, Pocahontas, and Shakespeare are just some of the figures depicted in the windows.

My cousins Jenna and Meagan welcomed guests and distributed programs, while the Octo-Groomsmen waited to gallantly escort people into the pews.

Poppa Octopus waited quietly for the wedding ceremony of his first grandchild to begin.

Meanwhile, downstairs in the bridal dressing room, the Octo-Maids were convening for some last-minute primping and readying. Heinz Chapel has a secret side entrance that the bride and her party get whisked away into, so that guests (and the groom!) don't catch a glimpse of them before the ceremony. Getting me inside had this air of Secret and Official Business. I sort of felt like I was in the CIA or something.

This picture makes me laugh, because I know exactly what was going on as it was taken. MOH/Sister Lauren had been in charge of holding my copy of my vows in her purse, but at the same moment she went to the bathroom, our officiant stopped by to pick them up and hold on to them for me for the ceremony. I grabbed them out of her purse, and in my mild fluster, forgot to tell her. Lauren subsequently thought, for a moment, that she had lost my only copy of my wedding vows. Here's what she was saying as picture was being taken: "Ooooohhhh maannnnn, I seriously just almost--*camera click*--shit myself when I thought I lost those vows! (MOH/Sister Lauren is very fond of vulgar bodily humor. She shares a deep bond with her new brother-in-law over this.)

Mom Octopus fussed with my necklace one more time....

....and then it was time for my favorite thing in the whole world. The thing that made me feel more bridal and special and awesome than any other part of my entire ensemble, possibly even more than my actual wedding gown: my beautiful, beautiful, beautiful veil.

I touched up my lip gloss one more time (and, also, how COOL is this shot Corey caught?!).

The next few moments were some of the most special of our entire wedding day. I was totally ready, and just moments away from heading upstairs, and up the aisle to marry Mr. Octo. I paused for just a few quiet moments and took it all in.

It was just a really special, amazing moment, in which I felt really present. I don't even feel silly telling you that as all of us in the room realized what was about to happen, there was honestly a little bit of awe in the air.

As I fluffed my veil, my bridesmaids gathered around me and looked at me, too. They were so sweet, telling me, "you look perfect," and "you look like you just stepped off the cover of a magazine." I felt really beautiful, you know? It's a moment that I hope every bride gets a chance to feel on her wedding day, a moment where you just feel really, really, really beautiful.

Then, I decided I was pretty psyched.

The coordinator had been periodically stopping by to update us on what was going on upstairs, how long until we needed to prepare to line up, and so on. When she stuck her head in and said, "five minutes," I felt truly stunned. I couldn't believe the time was almost here.

Then, the pre-processional began. The coordinator called my mom up the short flight of stairs to begin her walk up the aisle to light the unity candle. Shortly after that, she called my bridesmaids upstairs, to line up with their groomsmen. When they were all arranged, she came back and called for me. It was time.

Previously, in the Octopus wedding....

We did errands all the live-long day.
We ran late, we got stressed, and we argued.
We rehearsed and had dinner, and had a great time doing it.
We got fancy with hair and makeup.
I got bridal.

The Luckiest: My Wedding Dress

2010-11-29T10:05:00.001-05:00

When our photographer Corey arrived, Mom Octopus and MOH/Sister Lauren shuffled me off into the bedroom where my wedding dress was waiting. I opted to get dressed with just the two of them helping, and I'm glad I did. It felt nice to have a quiet moment to share with just my mom and my sister.

(All photos in this post courtesy of Corey Ann Photography.)

I dove into the dress head first.....

After I was all settled in, we had to move over to the dresser so I had something to grip while they laced the back. Corsets are serious business.

Mom Octopus closed the panel, and started the semi-slow process of weaving the laces through.

Hang on tight: it's lace-yankin' time. I told Mom Octopus & Lauren to strap me into that thing like I was Scarlett O'Hara or an old-timey Victorian lady, and they did not let me down.

OOOOF!

Once my dress was all done up, Mom Octopus gently put my necklace on for me.

MOH/Sister Lauren smoothed my hair one more time, while Mom Octopus clasped my pearl bracelet. It takes a village.

And......ta da! I love how my face in this picture says exactly what I was thinking: "um, can you believe this? I'm a bride! For real! Hahahaha!"

Mom Octopus liked what she saw.

And, in a big reveal, so did my bridesmaids. (Still one of my absolute favorite photos from the whole day, by the way.)

No time for preening, though. As soon as I finished getting dressed, the moment had arrived. It was time to go to Heinz Chapel.

Previously, in the Octopus wedding...

We did errands all the live-long day.
We ran late, we got stressed, and we argued.
We rehearsed and had dinner, and had a great time doing it.
We got fancy with hair and makeup.

Unearthing Wedding Artifacts

2010-11-24T00:03:00.004-05:00

Let me set the scene for you: Grammy Octopus's 80th birthday is in a few weeks. Having seen the MyPublisher photobooks I have created for special occasions in the past couple of years, Mom Octopus had a great idea--to create a MyPublisher album commemorating my grammy's life! However, after a great deal of wailing and teeth gnashing when the MyPublisher drag-and-drop system proved to be more than she could handle, Mom Octopus overnighted the CD of scanned photos to me with a note: "Thank you for helping me. Now I won't have to kill anyone or smash the computer. Love, Mom."

So, now creating the photobook for Grammy Octopus's birthday party is my job. I settled down with some Say Yes to the Dress in the background, popped in the photo CD, and OMFG!!!!!!!! MOM OCTOPUS!!!!!!! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME HOW FRIGGIN' AMAZING THESE PHOTOS ARE?!?

If my grandmother understood how computers work, she would be an amazing blogger. She's photographed every single major life event since ever, basically, and documented all of them with detailed captions. So, hive, I am very pleased to present to you.....

Octo-Weddings In History

Grammy & Poppa Octopus, engaged in 1951, celebrating at a party. Grammy Octopus killin' it in a polka dot tulle dress and red lipstick:

AAAACK! I cannot believe the grandparents I know today would engage in saucy behavior like this! (Although, apparently, she couldn't either--the caption reads, 'Really! Engaged, too.')

Grammy Octopus, a bride in 1951:

My grandfather's 1950s haircut in this photo kills me. Also my grandmother's porcelain-doll makeup.

Moving on to Mom and Dad Octopus's 1981 (I think?) wedding:

They had their wedding reception in a state park and grilled hamburgers for dinner. Also, see the wreath of flowers in my mom's hair? When she walked up the aisle and reached the altar, my dad told her she looked like a smiling flower bowl. This is the story I have heard repeated the most about my parents' wedding. My dad hates that story. Sorry I just told the whole Internet, Dad!

Aunt Cindy & Uncle Jimmy's sometime-in-the-80s wedding, posing away in my grandfather's antique Model-T:

After almost-sixty years of marriage, here are Grammy and Poppa Octopus today, walking up the aisle at my wedding:

Looking at this series of pictures is really amazing to me!

Kind of amazing how a family can go from this.....

GAAHHH!!! I LOVE THIS PICTURE!!!

Do not stare directly at my dad's tiny denim shorts or you will turn to stone. Seriously, WTF, Dad.

....to this......

....in just a couple of decades.

(Pro photos from my wedding by Corey Ann Photography.)

Do you have any favorite old family wedding photos?

PS.

(Sorry. Couldn't help myself. They're too awesome.)

The Luckiest: Lots and Lots of Primping

2010-11-21T21:58:00.009-05:00

Hey, remember this post? All about how terribly I sleep the night before a big event, and how much I was hoping to avoid that the night before our wedding? Uh, yeah. Old habits die hard, I guess. I fell asleep pretty easily around 12:30 AM, but I burst wide awake at 4:30 AM. I knew as soon as I woke up that I was awake for the day--my mind was racing with excitement and nerves, and although I laid in the bed and tried to rest and relax enough to fall back asleep, I knew it wasn't really gonna happen. Around 6:30 or 7, I did manage to calm down enough to sleep for another thirty minutes or so, but that was it.

When I decided to get up for the morning, around 8 AM, I got my first happy thrill of the day. Pittsburgh is absolutely notorious for its unpredictable weather, which is very often gray, gloomy, windy, and rainy. I hadn't even let myself think about what our wedding day weather might be like (and, in the planning stages, never once considered the possibility of an outdoor ceremony or reception!) because I knew the chances of a truly gorgeous day in Pittsburgh were not that high.

So when I got up that morning and tentatively drew back the blinds in my room, I actually gasped out loud. Even as early as 8 AM, it was obvious that we were going to have absolutely perfect weather. The skies were bright blue and cloudless, with lots of gorgeous, crisp sunshine. I was so excited about the fact that, if nothing else, we would have no weather-related stresses or headaches!

I emerged from my bedroom into the living room of our suite, where Bridesmaids Katie, Leigha, and Lauren were also getting up and around. We all marveled at the beautiful day a little more, and soon, Bridesmaids Erica, Clara, and Hannah arrived at our suite too. We sat down and enjoyed a breakfast of bagels, fruit, coffee, mimosas, and episodes of Teen Mom.

A little while later, our hairstylist Brooke and makeup artist Julie arrived, and it was time to get down to business. We set up a bridal party assembly line, with the girls taking turns in the hair and makeup chairs.

Bridesmaid Clara is probably wondering, "HAS AMBER NO SHAME?!"

Look at that pretty MOH!

HOW CUTE is Bridesmaid Erica's makeup? Julie looked at Erica's brown hair and eyes and declared that she had to give her "the full Snow White."

Something that surprised me was how nervous I felt all morning. I am not normally afraid to be the center of attention (cue my sister cackling away from wherever she's reading this and calling it the understatement of the century), but the anticipation of what was to come gave me low-grade butterflies from 8 AM onward. The mimosas Bridesmaid Leigha diligently kept in my hand all morning helped keep them at bay, and so did all the excited chatting with my bridesmaids, but the jittery, keyed-up feeling never fully went away.

Nervous and excited all at once. Also, check out that killer bruise on my leg! I am such a klutz that I walked straight into the coffee table in the middle of the room a few days earlier.

Grandma Octopus stopped by to check in on the proceedings, but mostly to help herself to our mimosa stash.

One by one, the girls (and an errant Groomsman/Brother Adam, who was found wandering the halls with a head full of cowlicks, and was promptly dragged into the suite for a mimosa and a hairstyle intervention) finished up their primping routines, until there was only one girl left: moi.

I think out of all the vendors we used for our entire wedding day, Julie (the makeup artist) may have been my absolute favorite. I gave her free reign to do whatever she thought would look best with each maid's hair color and complexion, and she killed it. And when she was all done with MY makeup? Not gonna lie: I felt absolutely gorgeous. Julie is great at not overloading your face with makeup, and when I headed off to the bathroom to check out the final results, I actually chuckled and thought to myself, "wow, I look awesome."

So we were all made up and styled, and the girls were putting their dresses and accessories on as well. Julie and Brooke packed up, wished us luck, and took off, and our photographer Corey was scheduled to arrive shortly afterward. The plan was for her to photograph me getting dressed in my wedding gown, and then to head out for some all-girls pre-ceremony portraits.

But, bad luck: Corey called and let us know that, due to traffic from road construction, her arrival to the hotel was going to be delayed. It wasn't a big deal, because we had plenty of time before we actually needed to leave for the ceremony, and I wanted the "bride getting dressed" shots more than a few extra rounds of portraits with the bridesmaids. So, there was nothing to do but wait.

This was when my nerves kicked into high gear. I hadn't left the hotel suite at all that day, and my six bridesmaids, my mom, my grandma, my aunt, the hairstylist and makeup artist, and my brother had all been filtering in and out all morning. It was starting to feel pretty cooped up and crowded in there, and the suspense and waiting was making me really anxious. I tried pacing around for a little while, then decided to chill out by myself in one of the suite bedrooms to try to calm down a bit. MOH/Sister Lauren popped in to see how I was doing, and when I confessed how nervous I was, she said, "stop telling yourself you're nervous! That's going to make it worse! Flip the script. You're not getting more and more nervous, you're getting more and more excited." For whatever reason, this was totally what I needed to hear, and definitely relaxed me as we waited for Corey.

Then! Yay! Corey arrived! The construction held her up by about forty-five minutes, but ultimately, it didn't change much of anything. As soon as it was time to stop waiting and start getting a move on our schedule, I felt much better, and my anxiety truly started to transform into intense excitement. So, Mom Octopus, MOH/Sister Lauren, Corey and I hurried up and shut ourselves in one of the bedrooms, because it was time to get bridal.

Previously, in the Octopus wedding...

We did errands all the live-long day.
We ran late, we got stressed, and we argued.
We rehearsed and had dinner, and had a great time doing it.

The Luckiest: Rehearsing, Rehearsal-Dinnering, & Partying

2010-11-20T21:12:00.009-05:00

Okay, so the pictures I managed to scrape together for our rehearsal are so crappy they're kind of not worth bothering to post. I hope you don't mind if I hustle straight through this post. We all wanna get to the good stuff anyway, right? ;)

If you remember, when I left off, we were about to leave for our rehearsal and I was approaching meltdown-levels of frazzled. Fortunately, my bridesmaids whisked me away into a car pretty quickly, where I indulged in about ten-minutes of no-holds-barred, loud-volume ranting, and my bridesmaids nodded and told me I was totally right about everything. By the time we arrived at Heinz Chapel, I had gotten my frustrations out of my system, and was fully ready to move on and enjoy our rehearsal. Phew!

Heinz Chapel is a bit of a wedding factory--they host five wedding ceremonies per day--which does have some downsides. Among them are the very tight, very strict time restrictions and the rules and regulations about music, decor, and photography. However, one of the great upsides of holding your ceremony there is that the wedding coordination staff SERIOUSLY knows what they're doing.

You know how a lot of brides say that their rehearsal was confusing, and a lot like herding cats, and left them feeling less confident than before about how the ceremony would unfold? Not the case at the Octopus rehearsal. Once we were in Wendy's capable hands, she gave us a clear and concise description of the ceremony proceedings, and whisked us through an easy, focused, and reassuring run-through. Boom! Done! Moving on!

After our rehearsal wrapped up, we headed off to the location of our rehearsal dinner: Bridesmaid Clara's parents' house! Our rehearsal dinner was catered by Bistro to Go, and the buffet-style food was FANTASTIC.

Rather than a formal, seated affair, our dinner was more low-key, with tables situated here and there throughout the house and outside courtyard. It allowed for a lot of movement and mingling, and I loved it. It felt so fun, intimate, and relaxed, and it was a really nice precursor to all the big fuss that would follow the next day.

When we all headed back to the hotel after the rehearsal dinner ended, the mood in the air was most definitely festive. By that point, most of my family and many of our family friends had arrived, and they were prepared to celebrate and mingle. People began congregating in my parents' hotel room, and the next thing I knew, they were hosting a full-fledged hotel room party like it was their prom night or something.

Mr. Octo and I were having a great time socializing at my parents' impromptu party, but by the time midnight rolled around, we knew we had to pack it in and try to relax, settle down, and sleep. We were spending the night apart and weren't having a first look, so it was really weird to say goodnight to him knowing that the next time we saw each other would be when I was walking down the aisle.

After kissing my groom goodnight, I headed into the suite I was sharing with Bridesmaids Katie, Lauren, and Leigha. I took a long, hot shower. I drank some Sleepytime Plus tea. I settled into bed and thought relaxing thoughts. It was 12:30 AM, and the preparations for our wedding day would be kicking off in nine hours.

Previously, in the Octopus wedding...

We did errands all the live-long day.
We ran late, we got stressed, and we argued.

The Luckiest: Friday.

2010-11-12T11:40:00.005-05:00

I woke up Friday morning feeling giddy and full of anticipation. I wish there were more synonyms for "surreal," so I wouldn't have to keep saying it over and over, but that's how it felt. Mr. Octo and I were engaged for sixteen months, and for a long, long time, it felt like I was just planning into the void, "playing wedding," thinking about something that would never actually happen. But it was Friday. We were ACTUALLY rehearsing that night, and having an ACTUAL rehearsal dinner, in preparation for our ACTUAL wedding. Surreal.

After having breakfast with my parents and strategizing our agenda for the day, Mr. Octo and I headed off together to pick up the cake for the rehearsal dinner. Did I say the cake? I meant THE CAKE. We opted to serve an extremely well-known Pittsburgh dessert: a sheet-sized burnt almond torte from Prantl's. (This means nothing to anyone but Pittsburgh gals, I'm sure, but everyone who knows the majesty of that cake is drooling. I guarantee it.)

OMG SOOOO GOOOOD!!!! (Source.)

Anyway, in driving back to the hotel, we passed through Oakland, the neighborhood where the University of Pittsburgh (and Heinz Chapel) is located. It was a gorgeous, sunny day, all the college students were out and about walking to class and strolling around campus and whatnot, and it was the first time I'd seen Heinz Chapel since arriving in Pittsburgh. I felt a huge thrill. Pitt! Heinz Chapel! WE ARE GOING TO BE IN THERE TOMORROW! WEDDING WEDDING WEDDING WEDDING!!!! AAAAHHHH!!

After we dropped the cake off at Bridesmaid Clara's parents' house (the site of our rehearsal dinner), I met my bridesmaids for our nail appointment. It was really great to have the quiet time to sit down with all of them and chat, although unfortunately, the nail salon blew. Seriously, worst manicure EVAH--all of our nails were chipped by Saturday morning, and the polish had completely cracked and popped off my nails by Sunday afternoon.

They were also somewhat unprepared for our large group (even though I had both made a reservation weeks ago and confirmed it only a few days prior), and worked fairly slowly, so we left the salon a good thirty minutes later than planned. The timeline was getting pretty cramped--we all still had to shower and get ready for the rehearsal, and the none of the bridal party gifts (which were being handed out at the rehearsal dinner) had been wrapped, either.

Unfortunately, between the nail appointment and the rehearsal, we had the only truly sour moment of the whole weekend. When my bridesmaids and I returned to the hotel, the air was practically crackling with frazzled energy. It was no one's fault, but some of our rehearsal attendees were confused about where to go, and when, and how to get there, and lots of people were running late, and there were still a bunch of things to do, and you CANNOT be late to Heinz Chapel because they run a crazy-tight ship, and and and......

Here's the thing. Mr. Octo has many, many lovely qualities, talents, and skills. Remaining cool under pressure, however, is not one of them. He often wilts in high-stress situations. I waltzed into our hotel room to discover a fiance who was feeling very overwhelmed, very frazzled, and very much on the verge of losing his shit. He was really not his usual self, and because of that, he made some EXTRAORDINARILY ill-advised remarks suggesting that I had not done enough to prepare for the wedding weekend, and had I done a better job planning, the disorganization and stress that was freaking him out so badly would not be occurring.

And then I instantaneously transformed into this:

(Source.)

After I finished scorching all the earth within a fifty-mile radius, Mr. Octo snapped right back to his senses and apologized repeatedly and sincerely. We called a truce, and resumed racing around the hotel room, trying to make up for lost time. It was totally one of those fights that has nothing to do with reality and everything to do with emotions running high and rational sense running low. It was an unpleasant but quick little storm cloud, and we had to move on immediately, a real forgive-and-forget moment.

Still, our nerves were pretty shot, and we were running maybe fifteen minutes late for a rehearsal that was not, under any circumstances, supposed to start late. We headed down to the hotel lobby, expecting that we'd quickly hop into the car and head straight to Heinz Chapel. Instead of the smooth roll-out we were expecting, though, we were met by an absolute tidal wave of people. Our entire bridal party, and their various spouses and significant others, and our grandparents, and our siblings, and Mr. Octo's nieces, and our ceremony readers, and their families, and some hangers-on who were just excited to see us, were ALL waiting in one really huge group in the lobby, and many of them hadn't seen us yet, and they ALL wanted to greet us right then and there.

Under any other circumstances, I would have been thrilled to see each and every person in that forty-person mob. However, I was already jangly from our lateness and from the brief dust-up with Mr. Octo, and walking off the elevator to one giant, collective, "HIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!" just totally shredded my last reserves of mellowness. And, you guys, my well of calm runs deep. I plastered a giant, frantic smile on my face, gave hugs and said some pleasantries that I hope were actually pleasant, and indicated to my sister that she needed to get me into a car immediately. She read the situation and hustled me out quickly and gracefully, which is why she was the best MOH ever. By the time we were actually on our way to Heinz Chapel, this was pretty much me:

(Source.)

(Source.)

(Source.)

Has wedding stress caused you and your fiance to have any out-of-character squabbles?

Previously, in the Octopus wedding.....

We did errands all the live-long day.

The Luckiest: Thursday.

2010-11-11T22:27:00.004-05:00

Well, here we go, hive. It's Octo-recap time!

Except, here's the thing. I was a terrible blogger and took zero pictures of the days leading up to the wedding, including the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. I still want to write about them, though! I've done my best to scrounge up some rehearsal photos, but not much otherwise. So, these first few posts will have almost no pictures. Can you bear with me? I promise to keep it short and sweet!

Thursday was the first real day of our wedding weekend. Mr. Octo and I were in Pittsburgh, my parents were in Pittsburgh, FIL Octo was in Pittsburgh, and our family and friends were starting to pour in as well. I have heard many times from many brides before me that once guests start rolling into town in preparation for the wedding, things get really exciting and fun. Sooooo true: I felt so bubbly and excited as more and more and more of my favorite people kept arriving. The positive energy was just palpable.

That didn't mean we spent the day lounging and basking in the joyfully buzzing atmosphere, though. We had errands, errands, errands, errands. Mr. Octo and I actually split up for most of the day, and I ran around from big box store to big box store with the Parents Octopus, while Mr. Octo finished up his groomsman-gift shopping with his dad. (Yes, he did indeed procrastinate in an epic way on this task.) It was busy, but not stressful--I never felt that we wouldn't get everything finished.

After, seriously, hours and hours of task-accomplishing and errand-running with my parents, we all headed back to the hotel, where MOH/Sister Lauren, Bridesmaid Leigha, Bridesmaid Katie, and a bunch of my aunts and uncles had arrived over the course of the day. I was SO happy to see them, and it felt more than a little surreal that our wedding weekend was seriously, really, truly here, and in the process of unfolding in front of my face.

That night, Mr. Octo, my parents, and the bridesmaids who were already there all got together in our hotel room for a good old-fashioned OOT-bag-stuffing session. We set up an assembly line, and all the bags were done within an hour. For a nightcap, Bridesmaids Katie, Leigha, Lauren stuck around and watched Jersey Shore with Mr. Octo and I. FUN TIMES!

In retrospect, our actual wedding did go by as quickly as everyone told me it would. The whole wedding weekend? Not so much. I don't feel sad about the way our wedding flew by, because I spent so much quality time with my closest family members and friends in the days leading up to and after it. When I think back on that whole series of days, it practically has a golden aura around it in my memory, it was such an exciting, fun, and special time. Man, I loved our wedding. I can already tell that writing these recaps is going to be fun.

Did you get a lot of quality time with your people during your wedding weekend?

Then and Now: Octo's Turn!

2010-11-08T22:57:00.007-05:00

Describing myself in high school. Oh boy. Heeeeere goes.

Then

Well, in high school, I was in the marching band, the drama club, the chorus, and the show choir, and I took AP classes. I mean, I assume you can draw your own conclusions about my social status from that.

Ninth grade semi-formal.

Really, though, although I was most definitely not made in the traditional "popular girl" mode, I was a happy kid, and I had a lot of friends. My high school was not a mean place, and overall, I enjoyed my time there. I was pretty independent and confident, and I liked to spend a fair amount of time alone, reading, thinking, and writing in my diary.

While I loved my small, rural hometown and was happy growing up there, I was also certain that I was destined to go on to bigger and better things. As I got older, I fancied myself a bit of a bohemian soul, and I wrote a lot of mortifying poetry about my spirit being on fire and needing to feed my passion and so on. I believed that both the musical RENT and the book On the Road completely and accurately described me. To be clear: I was a rural, comfortably middle-class high schooler who spent most of her free time doing homework and going to the bowling alley and the 24-hour Denny's with the other kids in the cast of the school musical. RENT and On the Road in no way described me.

At the prom with future-Bridesmaid Clara

Anyway, while I loved and respected my parents, I was also pretty sure that they were kinda small-town, and that while the cozy, secure family life they'd built for us was nice, it was also really really REALLY boring, and could not possibly compare to the crazy, splashy, dance-like-nobody's-watching life I was going to have as a starving novelist in the East Village or whatever.

High school graduation and OMG my brother is a BABY! Now he is a big gangly giant!

Relationship-wise? Oh, I was in a weird one throughout most of high school. I spent a lot, a lot of time with a guy that I referred to as my "best friend" or, sometimes, vomit, "soul mate." We didn't have a physical relationship and weren't technically dating, but.....I dunno, it was just an unhealthy, odd situation. Even though we weren't physically involved with each other, we definitely were emotionally, and it was one of those intense teenage situations: "you're the only one who truly understands my SOUL," "we're going to be a part of each other's lives forever," blah blah. There was also a lot of dishonesty, mind games, manipulativeness...the works. My parents hated him, my friends hated him, my sister hated him. And they could not tell me anything. My response at the time was always, always, something along the lines of, "you just don't understand us/him!" Sigh.

Now

So, I went off to college and left my non-boyfriend behind. If you recall, Bridesmaid Clara and I went to elementary, middle, and high school together, and then we went to the same college. After about a month there, she told me, "I met this guy, and I think you're perfect for each other. You have to let me introduce you." So I met him.

Octopi, dating about three months, and CRAZY hungover.

He was so nice to me, all the time. He was straightforward, and kind, and funny, and generous. There was no drama, just having a lot of fun together. And, well, you pretty much know the rest of THAT story.

Eight years later. (Corey Ann Photography.)

Moral of the story: always let your lifelong best friend set you up on blind dates. (Corey Ann Photography.)

In some ways, I am still very much like my sixteen-year-old self. I still consider myself an independent, confident, happy person. I still like a solid amount of alone time, where I can read, think, and write. In some ways, I was actually not wrong about the big, exciting life I was sure was in store for me. I've had some pretty awesome adventures, both by myself and with Mr. Octo. I went abroad twice, once to Ireland and once on Semester at Sea. After college, Mr. Octo and I moved from Pittsburgh to Las Vegas, and from Las Vegas to (now) Boston, and traveled almost all over the country in the meantime. I feel like I have had more than my share of fun, exciting, and special experiences in the eight and a half years since I peaced out of high school.

On the other hand, it makes me laugh to think back on how much I scoffed at my parents' lifestyle for being dull and routine, because at this point in my life, my biggest wish in the world is to follow exactly in their footsteps. These days, I am just craving the "boring" stuff in life: a stable job, financial security, a house of my own to decorate and take care of. At sixteen, I was pretty sure that passion and dreams were all a person really needed to get by in life. Now? Uh, no. What I actually need is a 401k and good health insurance, you know what I'm saying?

Mostly, I look back at my high school years with a mixture of fondness and embarrassed eye-rolling. A lot of embarrassed eye-rolling. In fact, I was kind of vain in this post and did not include any of the MANY really, really, really tragic photos of me from high school. (Did I mention that I went through a prolonged awkward stage in which I didn't know much of anything about stylish clothes or how to dress my body type?) Anyway.

My life, and my path to marriage, has been very different than what I imagined when I was younger. It has also been exciting and fun. Kind of fabulous, really.

Has your life turned out differently than you imagined when you were in high school?

Secret Life of Bees: Octopus Edition

2010-11-08T09:52:00.005-05:00

Aaahhh! I love this series! I was fully in the throes of my obsessive Weddingbee readership the first time this series ran, and I'm super excited to participate now as a bee! So, Octopus quirks and secrets, here goes....

I have a really weird hang-up about plates and cups. More specifically, I find it revolting to eat or drink things out of the "wrong" vessel. Like, sometimes Mr. Octo eats cereal or soup out of a large mug. I truly find this disgusting, because to my mind, cereal and soup go in bowls, PERIOD. I also can't drink coffee out of a clear glass mug, because it looks too much like a juice glass, and it's GROSS to drink coffee out of a juice glass.

(Photo source.)

Over the summer, Mr. Octo and I decided to try to save money by making iced lattes at home with our stovetop espresso maker rather than dropping over six dollars a day at Starbucks. Smart, right? Except there was a problem. I couldn't drink my iced latte out of a coffee mug, because coffee mugs are only for hot coffee (and they're too small to fit the ice cubes and the drink). I started drinking my iced latte out of a regular juice/water drinking glass....but it literally turned my stomach. I started getting so nauseous after drinking my latte out of the wrong glass that I had to give up. Back to Starbucks, where the iced coffee comes in a clear plastic cup, like it's supposed to.

Also I just realized as I wrote this that it sounds really, really obsessive-compulsive.

I hate suspense, fear, and being startled. I don't ride roller coasters, I've never set foot in a haunted house, and I neverrrrr watch horror movies. I can occasionally be talked into movies that would fall more under the "psychological thriller" category, but if there's excessive gore or scenes where a character walks through a dark space and you're waiting for something to pop out? Nah uh. Nope. This goes back a long way--when I was in high school, my friends wanted to have a horror movie marathon for Halloween. I made it through Psycho okay, but halfway through Friday the 13th, I ran upstairs, threw up, and had to have my mom come get me and bring me home.

(Photo source.)

I honestly don't get the appeal of being frightened. I mean, the adrenaline rush of roller coasters I do understand, although my hatred of the suspense during the "click-click-click" of the coaster rising outweighs whatever fun it might be. I do find the popularity of really gruesome, gory horror movies completely baffling, though. It would take an enormous bribe to get me to sit through those Saw movies.

I get the hiccups when drinking hot beverages. It happens probably 70% of the time. I don't know anyone else who experiences this. It is so friggin' annoying.

I had a belly button piercing from ages 14 to 18. I don't even remember what inspired me to want a belly button ring so badly in the first place; I've always dressed fairly modestly and never had any intention of wearing clothes that would show it off. I was an extremely well-behaved teenager, and I was aware of and a little self-conscious about the fact that I was kind of a goody-goody, so I think the idea of doing something just a little edgy was really appealing to me. (Although, in retrospect, getting a piercing that your mom knows about, approves of, and in fact holds your hand during, probably takes some of the edge off.) I was the first and youngest person I knew to have a belly button ring, and for a while, I just loved that I had this semi-secret body piercing. My friends all thought it was awesome, and it made me feel cool.

As high school went along and people got older, belly button piercings became more and more common, and the accompanying jewelry started to get more and more elaborate (I always wore a plain silver ring in mine). By the time I graduated, I was definitely starting to think I was over my piercing. I hesitated on taking it out permanently until I went to college, got on the school shuttle, and saw a girl wearing a short t-shirt. She had a huge, sparkly, dangly, detailed belly button ring in--I swear it looked like a Christmas tree ornament. What I had liked about my piercing was that, at the time I got it, no one else had one (in my small, rural hometown, at least). Now that they were so common and sometimes so flashy, the appeal was gone for me. I got off the shuttle, went straight to my dorm room, removed the ring, and haven't thought about it much since.

(Photo source.)

Anyone else out there with neurotic, obsessive hang-ups and/or fears and/or secret piercings?

The Greatest Thing Ever, Seriously, Period.

2010-11-01T18:48:00.008-04:00

Today, when I got the mail, I found the usual pile of junk. I also found a thick envelope from my aunt, from whom I had not been expecting anything. Guess what? When I tore it open, I found The Greatest Thing Ever.

My aunt, Margie, is the mom of my ten-year-old cousin C (whose full name I'm not using because I think it might be weird to identify a ten-year-old on the Internet). C is an awesome kid whose interests tend to run toward science, completely withdrawing into his own head to read for hours (VERY much like his cousin Octo here), figuring out math concepts, and sharing little-known facts. Based on his usual hobbies, likes, and dislikes, he would not have been my first guess as to which of our kid attendees was going to celebrate the wedding with the most abandon.

I was wrong, though. In fact, at one point during our wedding reception, Bridesmaid/Cousin Katie observed, "I think C is having an out-of-body experience. His soul has left his body and the spirit of Michael Jackson has taken its place." C spent the entire wedding reception dancing like a madman. I laughingly told Aunt Margie after the wedding that I had no idea that C was capable of such theatrics, and she laughed back that she hadn't either, and added that, after the wedding, C sat back and announced, "that was, like.........the greatest day EVER."

Well, apparently, the good times we all had at the wedding made an even bigger impression on C than I had thought. What was in the thick envelope? Oh, only my own personal copy of my cousin's illustrated personal narrative that he wrote for school this month....

The dedication page reads, "To Carrie & Ken (us), the brand new happy couple, and to my mom and grandma, for helping me figure out I could dance."

And now, without further ado, my cousin's personal account of his experience at our wedding.

***

The Wedding Reception

We were on our way to the wedding reception, about thirty minutes after the wedding ceremony, and when we got there, there was a working mini roller coaster on the roof of the building.

"That's so cool!" I said. First I played with my cousins for a while, then I went inside to disguise myself in the large crowd. Then, my mom found me and handed me my table number, Table 14.

When we got to the tables, I found my table was all the children at the reception. Once we finished our food, me and all the other children played freeze tag, and two of the girls I was playing with played HARD-CORE, I literally got jumped on by them. When we finished I was sweating like crazy. Then I watched the pendulum, something that swings back and forth turning slightly, one or two inches every 15 minutes, proving that the earth is turning, and everyone loved that.

Then dessert came, I didn't have any for a while, but when I decided to get a cupcake, the rack of cupcakes was gone, replaced by a bunch of.....dancers. Oh no! I thought. I was always so sensitive about my dancing. I always freaked out when I did it in public; I was so worried everyone would laugh at me.

"No, I don't want to be scared about it anymore!" I said, and all of a sudden I went in. At first, I didn't really do much, I just stood there. Then I did the first thing I could think of.....acting crazy. If I was running, I would have gone a really long way. I kept doing crazy dance moves until my throat felt as dry as a desert, and I got very tired. My dad got me a drink and I calmed down, and I was ready to dance a bit more.

(Corey Ann Photography.)

I was on the dance floor for about ten minutes, then....

"You spin my head right round right round." YES! I always thought it was a pretty good song. So while they were playing that song, I was spinning around like crazy and that was a lot of fun. But then the song changed and everyone formed a circle. Oh no! I hate these even more! I thought. Some people went in right away, and my brain felt like mush. They're all so good, I thought. Then, before I knew it, I went in.

Cousin C in the middle of the circle. This may be the exact moment that his Michael Jackson spirit possession began. (Corey Ann Photography.)

I could hear my heart pumping in my ears, bump, bump, bump, the suspense building up, then, I danced like I had never danced before. I did a somersault, I did the wave, I moved my feet around like crazy, then, tap, tap, SLLIIIPPP, and down I went! But right as I was about to hit the floor, I caught myself, and turned the fall into another dance move. The crowd cheered loudly and I came out of the circle.

"Wow, that was exhilarating!" I said once the circle broke apart.

Please spot Cousin C slightly in the background, fully possessed at this point. Note: the two little girls in the direct foreground are, in fact, the HARD-CORE players of freeze tag. (Corey Ann Photography.)

After all that, some slow dances came on, and I slow danced with my grandma and my sister a bit. My grandma loved that. Then, my sister and dad left, but my mom and me stayed because I wanted to dance a bit more. At 11:03 PM, the reception ended and I was really tired. When we got back to the hotel at about 11:35, and when I finally closed my eyes to fall asleep, I fell right into a long, deep slumber.

About the Author

I am ten years old and in fifth grade. My favorite sports are skiing, soccer, and baseball.

What inspired me to write this story was all the fun I had at the best wedding reception ever! Also because it was the day I figured out I could dance! Now that is a day I am going to remember!

In the future I hope to become a chemist or engineer and to have great, reliable friends that I can trust. But most of all I wish that World Pollution would end for good. Reduce, reuse, recycle.

***

Greatest Thing Ever, am I right? Hilarious. Adorable.

Seriously though, I'm honestly really touched that attending our wedding was such a fun and memorable experience for my cousin. I haven't been to a wedding where children were invited since I was a kid myself, so I wasn't quite sure how having so many young guests would play out. Now, though, I'm so, so glad that the kids were all there, especially since the experience was so special and fun for them.

(Side note: Mr. Octo's sister polled her two young daughters about their favorite aspects of the wedding. Their answers, in order: me, my wedding dress, my veil, my bridal bouquet, and dancing at the reception. Their uncle did not make the cut. Ha!)

(Side note 2: the same little girls wore matching dresses to the wedding. Upon seeing my bridesmaids, the big sister exclaimed to the little sister, "oh, look! Those girls are wearing matching dresses too!" A-DORABLE.)

Will you have kids at your wedding? Anyone else have any cute kids-at-weddings stories to share?

Wedding Gifts: Eating, Smiling, Crying

2010-10-25T22:51:00.002-04:00

Mr. Octo and I were, in a word, overwhelmed by our wedding gifts. Our guests were incredibly generous and thoughtful, and we were really quite humbled by the kindness they showed to us. Mr. Octo was not at all familiar with the concept of a bridal shower before our engagement, and after our bridal shower in my hometown, I still remember how he looked at the pile of presents and said, "I just can't believe that people did all this for us." So, we have a lot to be grateful for.

However, there were a few wedding gifts that really stood out in how special they were. Want to see?

My friend Bonnie and I have been pals since our Teach for America days. She is well aware that two of my most crippling vices in life are beer and cheese. She is also an avid Weddingbee reader. She and her husband Richie combined their knowledge of two of my favorite foods and my post about our honeymoon destinations to order this:

a spread of Vermont cheeses and a selection of local craft beers chilling in the fridge of our suite when we arrived in Burlington, VT. OMG, you guys. Mr. Octo and I filled up the in-room double Jacuzzi, cracked two Magic Hats, ate way more Brie and crackers than I'm comfortable admitting to you, and watched cable TV (we don't have cable at home because we are two broke-ass mofos). To us, it was the most luxurious, decadent thing EVER.

Next, we have the gift that makes me grin every time I look at it. Mr. Octo's friend from high school, Laura, is an artist. Her wedding gift to us?

LOL at Mr. O looking like a creepy lurker as he holds the painting. He didn't realize he'd be in the photo.

A matted and framed watercolor painting of our ceremony site, Heinz Chapel. She painted this herself! I can't believe I even know someone this talented!

If you need a refresher on just how accurate her artwork is in its details, here is a comparison with a photo of Heinz Chapel taken from roughly the same angle. I can't find my camera charger, or I'd take even more close-up shots. The likeness is so impressive.

(Source.)

You should have heard Mr. Octo and I gasp in unison when we unwrapped this painting. I am so touched that she put so much time and effort into creating this gorgeous memento of our wedding for us. What an amazing gift. I mean, seriously, LOOK at that PAINTING! I LOVE IT SO MUCH!

Finally, the big gift. The gift which caused Mr. Octo and I to share a good, long cry when we opened it two days before the wedding, and which will probably make me cry as I write about it.

When MIL Octopus passed away, FIL Octopus kept her wedding band. Unbeknownst to us, he had plans for it. FIL Octo worked with a local jeweler to have his wedding band united with MIL Octo's, into the shape of a cross. He then had a white gold heart laid over the cross, as well as an aquamarine, MIL Octopus's birthstone (as well as the stone in my engagement ring). Their names are engraved on the back.

The cross sitting on my bouquet (Corey Ann Photography).

Then, he gave it to us as our wedding gift, with a note that read, simply, "God's greatest gift is love." (Also: yep, crying.)

With our rings (Corey Ann Photography).

I normally think of myself as a pretty good writer, but in this instance, words fail me. I tried, but I can't describe how it felt to be given a gift of such intimacy and magnitude. You'll have to use your imaginations. All I can say is that Mr. Octo and I will absolutely treasure this gift, above all others, for the rest of our lives.

Have you been given any particularly meaningful or thoughtful wedding gifts?

What To Do About My Wedding Band?

2010-10-21T18:23:00.003-04:00

You might remember that Mom and Dad Octopus gave me an awesome graduation gift when I got my master's degree: a gift certificate to a jeweler in my hometown who does beautiful work, with the intent that I could put it toward a custom-made wedding band. It was a really thoughtful and special gift, and I was so excited to use it.

After some research, I found myself really drawn to rings with an open, delicate, scrolling design. These are the inspiration pictures I brought to the jeweler:

(Source.)

(Source.)

(Source.)

After two weeks or so, you might also remember that the jeweler got back to me with five sample sketches depicting his ideas for my ring:

Based on the sketches, I thought we were clearly on the same wavelength about how I'd like the ring to look. I asked him to go ahead and create the design of #1, with the tulip-style flowers of #5.

The only other consultation we had about the ring took place about two weeks before the wedding. The jeweler has a reputation for taking quite a while to complete his pieces, so when I was in town and stopped by to check on the ring, I wasn't surprised when he only had the wax mold to show me. It was hard to see much detail in the wax mold, but you could tell there was a scrolling, open pattern, and he reassured me that much of the detail could only be finalized when he was actually working with the metal. I approved the design and went on my merry way.

So Mom Octopus picked up the ring the Tuesday before the wedding, and when I called her to ask how it looked, she said, "it's beautiful. It looks quite a bit thicker than I expected, but it's beautiful."

The next night, my parents arrived in Pittsburgh from my hometown, and Mr. O and I from Boston. My mom showed me the wedding band, and my reaction was........surprise. She was right; the ring is beautiful. But she was also right that it was quite a bit thicker than what I had been expecting. I had expected, and wanted, a ring that had a definite dainty, lacy quality. Here's what the band looks like:

As I said before, it really is a beautiful ring. However, I also think it only marginally resembles the delicate floral patterns of the ring pictures I showed him, and I think the execution is far less intricate than the sketch led me to believe it would be. In my opinion, it just really doesn't look like what I asked for.

The other issue is that the wedding band looks drastically different in style from my engagement ring. I had never thought they would match exactly, because my plan was to switch my engagement ring to my right hand after we got married. I did, however, expect that the two rings would share a general aesthetic. I think my engagement ring has a delicate, feminine vibe, and I thought the dainty, floral, filigree look of the bands I had in mind would complement it nicely. Now, I feel like the wedding band looks awfully clunky compared to my engagement ring. I know I'd have them on two different hands, but I think they're so incongruous in style that I'm not really into that idea anymore.

Now, there's the question of where to go with this. At the time of the wedding, there was nothing we could do--I got the band Wednesday night, the wedding was Saturday afternoon, so that's the band I got married with. Mom Octopus could tell that I felt pretty lukewarm about how it turned out, and asked me what I wanted to do about it. I told her that I'd keep it, wear it for a while, and see if I warmed up to it.

I haven't, really. Whenever I look at it, I think, "it's a pretty ring, but....." Bottom line, it just isn't what I wanted. It's pretty, but I don't love it, and it's not what I wanted.

I don't know how to proceed, though! I haven't been back to my hometown since before the wedding, and the jeweler is not aware that I'm not really satisfied. I don't know how to bring it up to him, or if there even is any recourse here. I've never had a piece of jewelry custom-made before, so I don't know what happens if the customer doesn't love the final product. I approved the sketch and the wax mold, but I didn't see the end result until after it was paid for--how does that work? What do I do?

Oh, and speaking of paid for--the ring was not at all inexpensive. It cost a fair amount less than the Fay Cullen rings I showed him, but it was NOT cheap. Definitely not a price I'm comfortable paying for a "meh" end result, to be sure. Because of the money factor, I definitely feel like I should find a solution that makes me happier.

I'd love to hear your thoughts, Hive. How should I address this to the jeweler? What would you say to him? He's a really nice man, and I don't want to be confrontational, so keep that in mind. If there's no solution to be found there, what would you do? I feel pretty uncomfortable with trying to sell it on eBay or something; after all, I don't love the ring, but it is the ring I married Mr. Octo with!

What do you all think?

The Name Change Gray Area

2010-10-18T18:59:00.008-04:00

I am a feminist--unabashedly, passionately so--and I had always planned on taking Mr. Octo's name when we got married. Here's why: I like the clear "family unit" connotation that having the same last name as your spouse offers, I like Mr. Octo's last name specifically, and I want to have the same last name as our future children. Additionally, our last names sound super dumb when hyphenated (they have the same final syllable, so they sound oddly similar and rhymey). Mr. Octo was not at all interested in taking a combined name or changing his own name, but repeatedly expressed that he didn't care what my choice was, and wanted me to do whatever felt right to me. So, I decided that I'd be changing my name.

Then we got married, and immediately, nearly everyone started referring to me as Mrs. HisName. Often, it was meant in a cute, pointed, "you're married now!" way, but sometimes it seemed to just be an assumed fact of life (ie, receiving cards or mail addressed to Mr. and Mrs. HisName, from people I am certain I never told whether or not I actually wanted to be addressed as such). And, surprisingly, although changing my name to HisName had always been my plan, I found that I did not like the way it felt. At all.

I guess what rubbed me the wrong way was that it felt very sudden, and it felt like I had very little agency in the matter. I explained it to Mom Octopus by saying that with all the other emotional changes a marriage brings, the quickness with which my name was replaced was making me uncomfortable. In the weeks leading up to the wedding, I thought a lot (and, sometimes, struggled a lot) about what my new roles and identity as "wife" and "married person" were going to mean, and how they were going to change me. The sense that I was now, literally, a different person because I was married didn't feel good. I was also uncomfortable with the assumptions people made about what I'd prefer to be called. I hadn't been especially forthcoming with my name-change plans one way or the other before the wedding, so it really surprised me when many, many, many people automatically started calling me by his last name, without asking me what I actually wanted. It quickly started to feel like my last name had been taken away from me, rather than something I purposefully and consciously chose to change.

I know I had sixteen months to get used to the idea that I'd have a new name after the wedding; it's not like my own plans were a surprise to me. Hey, what can I tell you? I felt how I felt. I thought that I'd be ready to go by a new name as soon as I got married, and then, it turned out that I wasn't. Mom Octopus advised me, "Do whatever you need to do. Take some time if you feel like it. There's no right answer. Just go with what feels right." Mr. Octo continued not to care about whether or not I kept or changed my name, and continued to encourage me to do whatever made me happy.

So, I decided to just sit on it for a while, and think, and do nothing. I took a few weeks to let my new marriage sink in (during which time I continued going by my maiden name), and planned to re-visit the issue when our day-to-day life had more or less gotten back to normal.

Now that the excitement and thrill of the wedding, as well as the stress and anxiety and general feeling of Something Huge Is About to Happen are all over, I've realized that I do still want to change my name. I still like the fact that sharing a last name is a social signifier for "married to each other." I still like his last name, and the way it sounds with my first name. I still like the idea of having a common name with our future children. I still don't like the way our names sound when hyphenated. I guess the issue was really that I wanted to feel more like I was in control of the process, and that my name would change when and how I decided it would.

So far, I'm taking the process slowly, and doing things when I feel ready to do them. I changed my name on Facebook (a big deal, haha!), and I've started using his last name in non-legally-binding situations (like making restaurant reservations or whatever). I will probably start introducing myself by my married name now, and signing non-legal correspondence with my married name. I will start the actual government-documentation process.......whenever. Soon-ish. I'm not in a rush, and I don't think it's a particularly big deal if I take some more transition time between socially becoming Mrs. HisName and making it legal. I'm also still deciding whether or not I want to scratch my current middle name and replace it with my maiden name.

I feel good about my name change now. I feel much more like it's happening on my terms and because of my personal choice, and not like it's something society at large assigned to me without my consent.

I never even planned on writing a name-change post, because I honestly felt like it was simply a matter of personal choice and personal business, so why would we discuss it? I'll do me, you do you, no need to analyze each other's choices. However, I decided to write this post because I realized that there's another aspect beyond, "which option did you pick for yourself?" In my own name-change process, I realized that the decision is often offered up as a black-or-white situation. You're EITHER on Team Change-Your-Name OR you're on Team Keep-Your-Name. But now I know that it doesn't have to be like that. You can also wait and see how it feels. You can also realize that you don't have to be ready to change your name at the exact same moment you get married. You can also change it whenever the eff you feel like it and not a moment before. You could also think you want to change your name, and then get married, and then realize that you don't want to change it after all, or vice versa. You could also change it in five years, or ten years, or when you have children, or whatever. I've always believed that changing your name is a choice, but now I also know that there are more choices than two.

What do you all think?

The Best $230 We Spent For Our Wedding

2010-10-17T23:11:00.008-04:00

Mr. Octo's wedding day outfit was very nearly a disaster. We asked the men in our wedding party to wear black suits of their own choosing, with no other specifications. Easy, right? Well, not necessarily. We bought Mr. Octo's black suit months and months and months ago, in late January or early February. He actually needed a black suit for a different occasion, and we bought it off the rack at Macy's, on a big sale, at the very last minute (like, the day beforehand). At the time, I thought, "Great. Black suit, purchased. His wedding day outfit is taken care of!" Then, I proceeded not to think about it again until about four days before the wedding.

At the very last minute, I had a thought. We had bought that black suit in a huge hurry, he wore it once for a few hours, and then it hung in the closet for months. "Babe?" I said. "Why don't you try your wedding suit on? Just to make sure it looks good?"

He obliged, and as he stepped into the living room to show me, I felt incredibly dismayed. The suit was way, way too big. Given how rushed the initial purchase was, I guess we just weren't too discriminating beyond, "Suit? Black? Great, here's the credit card!" and neither of us paid much attention to how poorly it fit him. The seam of the shoulders hung way past where his natural shoulder actually was. The waist of the coat barely even touched his actual waist; it looked ridiculously boxy. He was practically swimming in the pants. Fabric ballooned out around his legs, and was saggy because of all the excess, too. It wasn't the MOST disastrous suit ever, but it was totally, totally unflattering. To use a favorite word of my BFF, Oprah, it was a schlumpadinka suit. That was four days before we needed to leave for Pittsburgh.

(Also, I realize I sound like a complete failure of a bride for totally forgetting to make sure my groom had a nice outfit for our wedding day. I think my brain was just loaded to the brim, and once I checked off "purchase Mr. O's black suit" from my mental list, it was GONE. Permanently.)

I had no idea what the best solution was. I hated the idea that Mr. Octo would be looking shlubby and ill-fitted on our wedding day (and forever in our pictures!), but it was Saturday night, and we left for the airport Wednesday afternoon. We could go shopping for a new suit, but at that point, anything we could afford to buy would probably not be a whole lot better. In desperation, I Googled "[Octo neighborhood] tailor," and stumbled across Jack. His tailoring service maintained a 4.5 star Yelp rating after 97 reviews, and most of the reviews noted that Jack's particular specialty was custom-fitting men's suits that had been purchased off-rack. Even though we would need the suit turned around with basically superheroic speed, I figured it was worth a shot. On Monday morning, Mr. Octo and I rolled into his nondescript little shop.

We explained our situation to Jack (whose normal turn-around time is two weeks), and he agreed to fit Mr. Octo's suit within 48 hours. He didn't even charge us a rush fee, saying, "it's for your wedding, and this is my job. I just like to make people happy." Jack doesn't play around, and informed us that while he always recommends that off-the-rack department store suits be brought in for a fitting (because large mass-produced garments just can't possibly fit every man's body type nicely), Mr. Octo's suit fit so poorly that if we had more time, he would have encouraged us to write that suit off as a lost cause and find an off-rack suit that fit better to begin with. Again: TOTAL bride-fail in the groom-outfitting department. So embarrassing.

Anyway, Jack shortened the sleeves of Mr. Octo's coat, detached and reattached the shoulders to fit his natural shoulder line, brought in the waist, shortened the pants' hemline, and trimmed the fit in the thighs. It was a major tailoring job. The total came to $210 (the Yelp reviews warned us that Jack's craftsmanship was not inexpensive, so we were prepared to spend that much), and Jack tried to offer us a first-time customer discount. We insisted on paying full price, and also tried to tip him $40, which he wouldn't accept. After some cajoling from us, he did take a $20 tip, but told us to use the other $20 for something wedding-related.

Overall, it was an unusually pleasant customer service experience, with great end results.

I wish I took a 'before' picture so you could see just how much better the suit fits now (Corey Ann Photography).

So, ladies: Get his suit fitted. Get. His. Suit. Fitted. GET HIS SUUUIIITTT FITTEDDDD. I can't emphasize it enough. Even if you buy a suit that fits pretty well to begin with, a custom fitting will make it look like a million bucks. GET HIS SUIT FITTED!

Did you narrowly avoid any big problems before your wedding?

A Picture's Worth A Thousand Words: What Our Wedding Felt Like

2010-10-14T21:23:00.003-04:00

Guess whaaaat? The flash drive of Octopus pro pics is in! (Our photographer blew my mind, she was so fast!) I'm not quite ready to do full-blown recaps yet, because phew, the Bees before me were not kidding, they're a kind of intimidating and enormous task. I've also got a few other posts I'd like to put out there before I segue into recaps, since they'll be my final posts (sob!).

However, since Corey Ann did such a great job of capturing the love, joy, excitement, and all the other emotions of our wedding day, I thought it might be fun to pick out some of the photos that I think convey those feelings most strongly, and show them in sequence. So, without further ado, what our wedding day felt like: a story in pictures!

All photos are credited to Corey Ann Photography.

Do ya feel it? :) What are your hopes for what your wedding day feels like?

Some Thoughts on Wedding Weight Loss

2010-10-12T16:28:00.004-04:00

So, disclaimer: I'm going to write about how I lost some weight before the wedding in this post. I totally do not want to reinforce that wedding industry pressure that all brides need to lose weight for their weddings. My diet & exercise efforts were kinda necessary for me (as you'll see below), but it's certainly not necessary for everybody! Okay, that's it. I just wanted to add a little prologue so this post doesn't come off like one of those incredibly annoying Facebook ads that stop just short of "Stop Eating, You Giant Fat Bride."

***

I've never been the type to worry excessively about my weight. This tendency is certainly helped by the fact that I'm naturally a fairly thin person, and I don't usually struggle to keep my weight stable. My mental attitude about my weight held true throughout most of our engagement. I had some vague thoughts and plans about wanting to look my best, but I felt pretty casual about it all. My general health philosophy is to make an overall habit of eating nutritious, non-processed food, to make a reasonable effort to exercise, and not to worry about it much beyond that.

You may recall that, for most of this year, I was in graduate school. I bought my wedding dress the summer before my master's degree program began, and then, over the course of that master's degree program, gained maybe......six pounds? Seven? Not just a teeny blip on the scale, but nothing really significant, either. It was mostly due to the fact that I was so busy with school that I barely exercised, and that I probably was a bit too enthusiastic about patronizing local businesses. Anyway, I noticed the weight gain, but was not particularly worried about it.

Then, in July, I made a trip to Pittsburgh, and I tried on my wedding dress for the first time since I'd bought it. And--yikes--it barely fit. It was so tight that my mom couldn't get the panel in the corset back to close securely; she had to do the laces first, and yank them tight, before the back would button closed. After the laces were done and the panel attached, I couldn't breathe comfortably, and that was when I was standing up. At one point, I sat down, and my stomach and ribs felt so constricted that I remember thinking, "I don't know how I will possibly be able to wear this dress all day."

July: I managed a smile between gasps for air.

After that, I knew that if I didn't focus a bit more closely on my diet & exercise regimen, I'd be almost unbearably uncomfortable on my wedding day.

Like I said, I usually strive to eat healthfully, especially with the foods Mr. Octo and I keep in the house. In the process of evaluating my diet, however, I realized that I have three particular issues:

I love eating huge breakfasts. I always wake up absolutely starving in the morning, and I adore breakfast food. It was not at all uncommon for me to kick off the day with two eggs, two pieces of toast, another side (bacon, fruit, or yogurt, usually), and a latte. I usually eat a really small lunch, but still. I am also a huge sucker for a bagel slathered with cream cheese, or a breakfast sandwich.

I eat a lot of dessert. For real, I have a Godzilla-esque sweet tooth. Up until the stuffed-into-my-dress situation, I was eating chocolate in some way, shape, or form every single day, no exaggeration. And, as I said above, I was indulging in some especially delicious neighborhood offerings much more frequently than is probably advisable.

I have no idea what an appropriate portion size is. When I started measuring, counting, and weighing my portions carefully (more on that below), I was straight-up stunned by how much I had been overeating.

So, here's what I did:

Kept careful track of what I ate. MOH/Sister Lauren has seen great results from counting Weight Watchers points, so I decided to try it too. I didn't officially register for the program, I just used an online points calculator, and kept a food journal so I could remember and count the points. I also weighed/measured/counted my portion sizes religiously, which was a crucial step. I was seriously shocked by how much I had been overeating, and how clueless I had been about what a proper portion was. Since, as I mentioned, we try to keep healthy food in the house, I never thought portions were a big deal. I mean, what's the problem with eating too much hummus, or almonds, or organic yogurt, or bananas, right? Yeah, no. Wrong. Once I started counting WW points, I tried to hit around 23 points per day, and quickly realized that beforehand, I must have been consuming 35 points a day, easily, if not more. 35+ points of mostly healthy food, but 35+ points all the same. Just those hearty breakfasts alone were EIGHTEEN POINTS. A snack of whole-grain Kashi cereal is still not good for you if you're eating twice as much as recommended, you know?

Drank tons and tons of water. I have heard that people often think they're hungry when they're actually thirsty, and that drinking water helps curb hungry feelings. I made sure to drink eight glasses of water per day, and it definitely worked for me.

Ate lots of vegetables. Probably another weakness of mine is vegetable avoidance. I do like a good salad, but generally, I'm a pretty big slacker in making sure I eat enough veggies. I did some easy substitutions and add-ons, like having baby carrots with my Laughing Cow cheese wedge instead of crackers, or adding a side of steamed broccoli to my dinner. I also tried to eat a salad at some point every day. The bonus is that veggies are very low in Weight Watchers points, so I could eat lots of them and feel full without racking up points. I noticed that on days when I skimped on vegetables, I ended up feeling a lot hungrier all day.

Exercised four times a week. I used BuyWithMe to purchase a pass to a really fancy local gym, and I used the heck out of it. I also did my best to really push myself during workouts, and took a lot of fitness classes. I am often guilty of bopping around on the elliptical for twenty minutes--just enough to work up a light glow and a slightly elevated heart rate--and then calling it quits, but I wanted to do better than that.

Quit desserts cold turkey. I wavered off and on during August, but once September rolled around, I completely stopped eating my beloved sweets. I think cutting anything completely out of your diet, even dessert, is not a sustainable long-term choice, but I always intended to just take a hiatus.

And what do you know? It worked! Between my mid-July dress fitting and my late September wedding, I lost ten pounds!

Wedding day, breathing much easier (Corey Ann Photography).

Here's the thing, though. Before the wedding, physically, I felt great. I was energized, limber, and just felt really, really healthy. It didn't hurt that the results I was getting made me feel really confident about how I looked. However, I was beginning to go friggin' crazy from my exclusively healthy diet. I was DYING, dyiiiiiiing, to go feral on some French fries, or a cupcake, or a big sloppy bacon and egg sandwich. A person can only eat so much lean protein, non-refined carbs, and salad, ya heard? At one point, I MAY have insisted that Bridesmaid/Cousin Katie split an entire wheel of Brie cheese with me after the wedding.

After the wedding? I will go ahead and tell you that I've totally been binging. Starting with our honeymoon, any old food item that struck my fancy went straight down the hatch. I was in Vermont and Montreal, you guys, and I was not ABOUT to skip out on the cheese and beer and poutine and pain au chocolat. Then, after the honeymoon, I just......didn't stop. More cheese! More beer! More dessert! More bacon! Every pumpkin-flavored thing I set my eyes upon!

You know what I did stop, though? Exercising. Yes, my Healthworks pass expired, but there are other places and ways to exercise than a gym, but I just totally quit. Haven't exercised since the Wednesday before my wedding.

And you know what? I feel like crap. There is a big, noticeable difference between the way I felt before the wedding and how I feel now. I feel sluggish and tired and heavy. My posture sucks and my shoulders hurt. It's almost hard to explain, but I just feel different, bad different. I have already gained back five of the ten pounds I lost (in the eighteen days since my wedding!!) and I am not exactly pleased about that.

So, I think I've learned a valuable lesson in moderation. I was starting to go crazy without enjoying ANY of the delicious-but-unhealthy food pleasures life has to offer, but I'm also finding that it doesn't feel good to enjoy too much of them, either. Going forward, I'm going to continue to pay more attention to portion size, to eat lots of vegetables and drink lots of water, and to exercise regularly, because I loved how I felt before the wedding, and I want to pursue that. On the other hand, I'm not going to skip the occasional fried, cheese-covered, or chocolate-laden item, because seriously, a life totally devoid of cupcakes and French fries is not a life I want to live.

Are you trying to meet any physical goals? Newlyweds (I know you're out there, still reading!), did you overindulge after your wedding too?

Octo-Tip for Stress Reduction

2010-10-08T11:32:00.005-04:00

I mentioned before that our wedding day was, overall, easy and low-stress. A lot of the things that contributed to the day proceeding so well were entirely out of my control. The perfect, delicious, dreamy weather was a stroke of pure luck (ESPECIALLY in Pittsburgh). I researched our vendors very carefully, but I knew it was pretty much out of my hands if they ultimately executed things correctly or not. There were a lot of things that just kind of ended up going our way, you know?

However, Mr. Octo and I talked about one of the things that WAS within our grasp that made our wedding day so great, and here is what we both recommend: think really carefully about who you choose to be in your bridal party. If it's at all possible, don't choose people just because you feel obligated to, or for old time's sake, or because you got excited and asked before you really thought about it, or whatever. You spend a LOT of time with the bridal party during the wedding weekend, and if they're bringing drama, or stress, or negativity, or apathy to the table, I am pretty sure you'll feel it, and it will impact your experience.

But on the other hand, if your bridal party is so unbelievably supportive, responsible, helpful, and easy-going that you're totally blown away by their sheer awesomeness, you'll feel that too. During our wedding weekend, our friends were champs. They were so, so, so great to us. The people we surrounded ourselves with improved our entire wedding experience. I believe that very much.

Here's one of my very, very, very favorite photos from our wedding day, showing the moment when I finished putting my dress on with Mom Octopus & MOH/Sister Lauren and showed my bridesmaids the result:

(Photo by Corey Ann Photography.)

I loooooooove this picture because the way the girls are looking at me totally represents how they treated me all day, and reminds me of how thankful I felt. They were SO sweet, SO supportive, and SO happy. All day, I felt like they were all trying their very best to keep the mood positive, calm me down, take care of anything I might need, and head off any situations that might bother me. One of my favorite memories of the wedding is from right before the ceremony. We were all holed up in the tiny little dressing room of Heinz Chapel, and I had just finished freshening up my lip gloss and putting my veil on, and I was standing and looking at myself in the mirror, taking in the fact that the moment was here and I was a bride. My friends all stood around me, saying things like, "you look perfect!" and "this is going to be amazing!" and "you look like you just stepped off the cover of a magazine." I had been very nervous up until then, and all their positivity made me feel excited and confident and just supported.

I could regale you with stories of how fabbity fab the Octo-Maids were all day long, but I'm sure you're catching my snap by now. Anyway, that's my advice: be thoughtful about who you choose to be with you during your wedding. Pick people who will boost you up, not bring you down. It's worth it times a million.

Are you excited about spending time with the people you picked for your bridal party?

People Are Weird About Weddings

2010-10-05T19:40:00.002-04:00

Hi everybody! We're back from our honeymoon and I'm ready to start blogging again! Our lightning-fast photographer already has ALL of our photos finished and up in the online gallery, and as soon as I get our disc, I can't wait to start writing the Octo-recaps. In the meantime, I have a bunch of posts on deck that I just never had the time to write before the wedding. I'd like to kick off this particular post with a quote.....

"I thought everyone I knew was normal and socially appropriate. And then I planned a wedding."--Bridesmaid Erica

Over the course of my engagement, I developed a little theory, one which was validated over and over and over, both in my experiences and those of other people. Here it is: some people, even ones who are normal and polite and sociable and predictable 99% of the time, say or do really weird stuff when it comes to weddings. A lot of my friends have gotten married in the past two years, and in an informal poll, I discovered that every single bride had at least one story about someone doing something really, really weird, awkward, or inappropriate regarding the wedding. Sometimes the weird wedding behavior is hilarious, sometimes it is decisively NOT hilarious, spanning all the way up to incredibly hurtful, surprising, and sometimes friendship-ending.

I definitely have a few People Are Weird About Weddings stories of my own, but given the not-very-anonymous nature of this blog, I don't really feel like I can give you all the dirty details. Suffice to say, we had a few guests to whom an RSVP was apparently a very loose and fluid thing, subject to change up until a matter of hours before the wedding began. You know, not like your meal had to be paid for or a seat found for you or anything. Ahem. Anyway.

However, I also have an anonymous PAWAW story to share from a friend (of the hilariously awkward variety). After her wedding ceremony, a friend of the bride's father approached the family. "Hey!" he said. "I just wanted to let you know, my wife has some errands to run and won't be able to make the dinner portion of the reception, so I'm bringing a work buddy of mine instead." True to his word, the man showed up at the reception with his uninvited buddy-date, who was a total stranger to the bride and her whole family. The buddy-date sat in the man's wife's seat and ate her dinner. About an hour later, the man's wife arrived, and the buddy-date moved over to a seat that was vacant due to a no-show guest (a whole other, very common variety of People Are Weird About Weddings). The buddy-date then stuck around and proceeded to spend the rest of the evening having cake and enjoying the open bar.

I mean, WTF? Who DOES that? From the wife's perspective, who peaces out of a wedding for an hour to run errands? From the husband's, who thinks it's appropriate to bring a stand-in stunt date who then doesn't leave when your actual invited date shows up? From the buddy-date's, who ON EARTH would think it's okay to attend a wedding under those circumstances?? So many WTFs it boggles the mind!

I have heard so many others (the bridesmaid who got belligerently drunk, ripped her bouquet to shreds, and screamed at the bride's mother!), and now I want to hear yours. What's your best People Are Weird About Weddings story (or, do you disagree with my theory)?

Oh, Hey. Sup?

2010-10-01T18:10:00.004-04:00

Hey guys. How was your week? Mine was pretty good. The weather was hit or miss. I was very underwhelmed by the Britney episode of Glee, but I think Boardwalk Empire looks like it's going to be a new favorite. It's my favorite time of year (ie the time when everything is flavored like pumpkin), so I celebrated by eating a big slice of pumpkin bread.

Oh, also? I married Mr. Octopus.

(All photos by Corey Ann Photography.)

And guess what? Turns out it is 100% possible to have a wedding that is completely and totally stress-free, drama-free, and mishap-free, and even better, looks and feels exactly how you always dreamed it might. That was a really, REALLY great discovery to make.

I have a honeymoon to wrap up, but I'll see you all soon.

Love,
Mrs. Octopus!

This Is It*

2010-09-24T07:41:00.006-04:00

I've been with Mr. Octo for eight years. Most of the time, it doesn't feel like that long, or like that big of a deal. Our day-to-day life together is pretty uneventful: a cup of coffee, a load of laundry, bills paid, maybe a movie, maybe a long walk.

I feel like the preparations for our wedding have given us the opportunity to transcend that. I have been reflecting on, and really feeling, the weight of our past and our future and our family and our friends in a way that I usually do not. I had my iPod on shuffle a few days ago, and a song came on that I hadn't heard or thought about in years. It was a song that was very meaningful to me when I studied abroad in college because it reminded me so much of him. I would lay in bed at night, in the dark, and listen to the song, and try to cry quietly enough not to wake up my roommate because I missed him so much. Normally I think about my student loans, whether or not Daffodil needs more food, what Mr. Octo might like for dinner, if I've exercised enough times that week. When I heard that song, I paused and was stricken: I have loved this man very, very, very much, for a very, very, very long time.

I am just overwhelmed by the feeling of the history we have together, and the history with our own families and our own friends, who are now all here together. We are building a family. It seems like such a simple thing--I mean, families are pretty much one of the oldest and most fundamental social structures in the world--but this week I have been blown away with the feeling of how powerful having and creating a family really is. I have never felt so obviously, visibly, tangibly loved as I have this week, and the wedding hasn't even started yet.

I'm marrying the man I love today, and all my friends and his friends are here, and all of my family and his family is here, and it's amazing. I'm so excited (SO excited, in fact, that I fell asleep at 12:30 AM, woke up at 4:30 AM, and did not sleep for an instant afterwards, ARGH!). I'm so happy that I could cry right now, here in my hotel bed.....but I'll save that for Heinz Chapel.

I'll see you all soon. And when I do, I'll be a WIFE!

*Post title is an homage to the fact that this is it, as in, our wedding day is here. But also to the fact that my go-to background noise during my many, many, many hours of wedding planning was the Michael Jackson documentary of the same name. I must have watched it seven times in total in the past few months. One of the things I will definitely remember from our engagement is Mr. Octo coming home and exclaiming, "again?!"

A Different Kind of Thank-You Note

2010-09-22T19:02:00.004-04:00

Guess where I'm blogging from?

Logan Airport.

Guess what that means?

The Octopus Wedding Weekend has officially begun.

I think I fooled some of you last week with my thank-you post, as I realized afterward that it sounded a whole lot like a "signing off as a Miss!" post, but I've still got one of those on deck (I think. Hopefully. As long as things don't get too crazy). So, yeah. I'm heading to Pittsburgh and I'm getting married. At this point, I have so much adrenaline coursing through my system that I can't properly articulate my feelings about that, so instead I will say: AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!! Also, EEEEEEEEEK! And WOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Before I go, I wanted to mention a little task I checked off this week that I'm really happy about. I know that brides and grooms often give their parents thank-you gifts before the wedding, but Mom and Dad Octopus felt that really wasn't necessary, and by this point, our bank account is looking bedraggled indeed. However, my parents have been involved in our wedding planning process since day one, and I felt like I really needed to do something to convey to them how I felt about it.

I popped into PaperSource and picked up these cards, because in case you forgot, I am a crazy dog lady who will buy literally anything with a French bulldog on it:

(Source.)

Then, I really took my time to write them long, thorough, heartfelt messages. I tried hard to convey how I felt about their support and participation in planning our wedding, and how I feel about them as parents in general (Mom and Dad Octopus are spectacular, if that's not clear). They haven't read the cards yet, but I am absolutely certain that when they do, they'll really appreciate them.

I feel really good that I did this, and if you've got a person (parent or otherwise) who was particularly meaningful to you in your engagement, I would definitely recommend that you make a little time to write them a special note to let them know. I know my letters will make my parents happy, and after all they've done for me in the past sixteen months, I want them to be happy. I'm glad I took those few minutes to really put my heart on paper for them to read. Now I feel like there's nothing I didn't get a chance to say, you know?

Alright, y'all. My flight is boarding in ten minutes and I am so jittery with nerves and excitement I feel like I need to go pace around until then. WEDDING!!!!! AAAAAHHHHH!!!!

Did you make a special gesture for anyone before your wedding?

After-Party Dress: The Results

2010-09-20T23:03:00.003-04:00

Okay, so a little while ago, I wrote about how I had developed a crippling case of lust over a blingy, over-the-top, super-fun after-party dress.

(Source.)

Problem? It was $138. You all were very, very, very persuasive about convincing me I should--or needed--to buy that dress. I went so far as to put it in my nordstrom.com shopping cart and stare at it for a good, long while. But in the end? I just couldn't pull the trigger on it. Normally, I'd have no problem spending $138 on a cocktail dress (in fact, I think that's a pretty good price for a cocktail dress). The issue with this one was that I knew in my heart that I'd never, ever wear it again. I never wear ivory, I don't usually wear sheath silhouettes, I often wear sparkles but never THAT much, and considering all the money we've been dropping on everything else......I just couldn't spend $138 on a total one-off vanity purchase.

I didn't give up on my after-party dress dreams, though. My pragmatic mom and sister both suggested, "why don't you just wear some jeans and a cute top?" This was obviously the sensible route, but no. I just desperately wanted a fun, cheap white party dress. I looked everywhere. Macy's, Target, Forever 21, H&M, TJ Maxx, the vintage store up the street. Nothing! Nothing anywhere! I was very, very close to giving up and going the jeans-and-top route after all, when yesterday......while out shopping for paper products and honeymoon, ahem, outfits........I FOUND IT.

Marshall's. $29. Giant fake flower, polka dots, fluffy tulle skirt. Juuuuust ridiculous, over-the-top, fun, and cheap enough to meet the criteria. I went ahead and donned my wedding accessories to give you a better vision, but you'll have to fill in the blanks on the updo, fake eyelashes, and feathery hair item.

The fit in the bust is definitely not ideal, but whaaaatevs. It was $29 and I'll be wearing it for a max of two hours, and everyone will be drunk anyway.

My photographer, Mr. Octo, felt like a foot-in-the-air pose was appropriate with the skirt.

I am psyched about finding this dress! Fluffy skirts and polka dots are much more my speed than sequined sheaths anyway, and at $29, I don't feel guilty about buying it. Score!

Are you having an after-party, and did you want a particular type of outfit for it?

A Big, Open, Sloppy Thank-You to Everyone

2010-09-17T14:49:00.003-04:00

Phewwww. Hive, it's been some week. Everyone always says that the week before your wedding is so crazy, and I did not exactly know what that meant. If I can be totally honest, I also secretly believed that it would not apply to me. I'm super-organized, I don't have a ton of projects to keep track of, and I am nearly always cool as a cucumber in high-pressure situations. I'm usually a pretty unflappable person, but this week, I've been.......flapped.

It's a combination of a lot of things, really. I am constantly worrying that I'm forgetting something, or that I'm going to forget something. I've been having crazy wedding dreams almost every night (most recently, it was that I woke up the morning after and could not remember anything about the wedding, except that it was "only okay." I was so pissed that I had spent so much time and money preparing and couldn't remember a single thing about the entire day!) Our entire house is a mess because we've both been so busy that we haven't had time for anything more than a surface picking-up, and our living room currently looks like a jewel-toned bomb explosion as I wrap up all the last little projects.

To top it all off, we had to spend an unexpected $200 at the vet this morning when (skip the rest of this sentence if you're squeamish!) Daffodil suddenly started showing symptoms of what turned out to be a severe urinary tract infection, and those symptoms were kind of gruesome, and, um, bloody. So THAT was a bit rattling.

Oh, and also, I've been counting Weight Watchers points like a demon to prepare for that white dress of mine, and it's making me really cranky. I want a mothereffing breakfast burrito and a cupcake, you know what I'm saying?

So, yeah. Lots of things to do and not a lot of time to do them. Lots of money to spend, lots of things to remember, and also, lots of emotions to have. Bridesmaid/Cousin Katie asked me the other day if I was getting excited, and I replied that yes, I am incredibly excited, and also a little......sad? Sad for the same reasons I'm excited, actually. I'm over-the-moon psyched about all the fun, joy, and excitement that the wedding is going to bring (in EIGHT! DAYS!), but then once it happens, it's over! 24 hours of having a gigantic celebration with all the people I love in one place.....and then it's back to the grind. Bridesmaid Erica told me that for a little while, it was hard to look at her wedding photos because it was so bittersweet, remembering how meaningful and immensely joyful it was, but also being reminded that that day was a once-in-a-lifetime deal. I think I see what she means now.

On a smaller scale, I'm also feeling the same way about my time as a blogger here, to be perfectly honest with you! I have loved writing for Weddingbee, and I'm really kind of a little sad that soon I'll be Mrs. Octopus, meaning that there won't be a whole lot left to write but my recaps, after which I'll pretty much be finished with blogging. I doubt I'll start a newlywed blog, because seriously, my life is not very interesting. I don't know what I'd write about. So, I'll just be.....done. And I'm going to miss it!

So, I wanted to make sure I thanked you all right now, in case things really get nuts next week and I have no time to write. I have gained so much from being a part of this community. Thank you to everyone who sent me private messages just to tell me that you like my writing; it totally made my day every time. Thank you for giving me lots of good suggestions on how to fix those annoying red dots on my arms (although it turns out that keratosis pilaris is STUBBORN, DAMN!). Thank you for recommending the hairstylist I booked after I had my first meeting with a hair scam artist. Thank you for talking me out of attempting to prepare an entire cookie table all by myself (and a HUGE thank you to the Pittsburgh locals who offered to make some cookies for me, I still can't get over how incredibly generous that was). Thank you for responding so kindly when I wrote about what a great guy Mr. Octo is. It meant a lot to me.

Thank you for picking my wedding day necklace (it was totally the right choice, too). Thank you for telling me about your secret single behaviors in a ton of hilarious comments that still make me laugh every time I read them. Thank you for being super, super, super nice and supportive (to me and to each other) when I told you about how I turned into a relentless psycho while I was waiting to get engaged. Thank you for giving me a bajillion awesome suggestions about things to do and places to see on our honeymoon.

Thank you for recommending the transportation company we're now using to haul the bridal party around. Thank you for appreciating MOH/Sister Lauren's hard work on the bachelorette party she ultimately didn't get to attend. Thank you for helping me pick my wedding band design (I did go with #1!). Thank you for suggesting the cocktail recipes we're now serving at our reception.

Thank you to my fellow Bees for being ridiculously cool and great. I have met a good handful of Weddingbee bloggers now, and they are, unfailingly, an amazingly interesting, smart, and funny group of women. I consider all of you my friends. Special shout-out to Seashell, who has been a sympathetic and supportive ear as we each work through some very sad (and similar) circumstances surrounding families, loss, and weddings, and special shout-out to blog-friend-turned-real-life-friend Seahorse, who is awesome, and very almost-married. Good luck and best wishes to you both, girlfriend. I will be thinking of you, and doing my best not to text you with frantic excitement on your wedding day, as I suspect that is probably not going to be helpful. Oh, and special shout-out to Pengy, who is hilarious, and who did not judge me that one time I drunkenly e-mailed her.

Okay. Oh, have I also mentioned that one of the things I'm feeling this week is sloppily emotional and sentimental? (Don't worry, though. Prepping the antibiotics to heal my dog's urinary tract will probably clear that up RIGHT quick.) I've run out of steam now, and I need to go cut like twenty thousand more dinner menus, and I have no cute way to wrap up this post. So I will just say: thank you again, Weddingbee. My wedding quite literally would not have been the same without you, and I puffy-heart you all.

What do you feel like you've gained from Weddingbee?

After We Rehearse

2010-09-14T09:00:00.001-04:00

Bridesmaid Clara and I have been BFFs since third grade. Our friendship spans a kind-of-unbelievable seventeen years; we went to elementary school, middle school, high school, and college together. She is also the wise soul who met Mr. Octo at university band camp, insisted that he was the perfect guy for me, and dragged me to that fateful toga party so she could introduce us. Over those many, many years, we have also gotten to know each other's families very, very well. Due to our friendship with each other, our parents became friends as well, and it's really just all pretty adorable.

Clara's parents were able to retire fairly young, and felt that life in our small-town home in upstate New York just wasn't going to be enough for them. They decided to retire to--of all places--Pittsburgh! They refurbished an old row house in a historic district of the city right near our reception location into a total dream home, and they have been unbelievably generous in opening up their home to the Family Octo every time we've needed to trek down to Pittsburgh for wedding planning sessions. They've hosted my mom, my sister, and me quite a few times over the course of our sixteen-month engagement, and they'll be doing us one more epic favor before the wedding is over: hosting our rehearsal dinner.

I am honestly really excited about our rehearsal dinner. We opted to keep it as intimate as possible, including only our immediate families, our bridal party & their dates, and our grandparents. While it's going to be catered, it's going to be a pretty casual, barbeque-style affair, with things like crispy chicken, caprese salad, and red potatoes on the menu. When Groomsman Nick got married last October, they also held a casual rehearsal dinner in a family home, and I really enjoyed how comfortable and relaxed it felt. I think Mr. Octo and I will really appreciate the chance to spend some laid-back time with our closest friends and family before the next day's craziness begins.

But enough about that. When I said "dream home," I meant dream home. Want a little tour?

The front porch, where we all sit and have a cocktail after a busy day of wedding planning.

Bridesmaid Clara's mom took our love of all things Pittsburgh and ran with it; she tells me that her plan is to decorate each room in the scheme of a different Pittsburgh sports team. The front room is going to be set up to seat about half the rehearsal dinner guests and is going to be Steelers-themed...

...while the kitchen/dining room area will be set up to seat the rest of the guests and will have a University of Pittsburgh Panthers theme.

The back courtyard will hold the dinner buffet (under an awning) and is going to be decked out in Pirates gear.

I looooove the sports theme! I think it's so fun for our relaxed, casual, family-BBQ style party.

At some point, a lot of guests will probably migrate upstairs to enjoy the party room....

.....and the views from the rooftop deck.

(PS: Imagine two floors of beautifully-appointed bedrooms, as well as an office/library/den, between the kitchen/dining room/front room area and the party room/rooftop deck. Dreeeaaaaam hoouuuuuse.)

I'm really excited about this!

Do you have any friends helping you out in a big way with your wedding?

Awesome Food

2010-09-09T23:46:00.003-04:00

Heh heh heh hahahaha. That is the sound of my nervous laughter because our wedding is FIFTEEN DAYS AWAY. I mean, what? How did this happen? I have been feeling more than a little unglued in the past week or so, and I truly did not expect that I would. All that is really a post for another day, but the long and short of it is that your eight-legged friend here is pretty frazzled, and I'm going to do my very best to keep posting in the next fifteen days, but you know. I'm taking it one day at a time.

Anyway, here is a light and fun subject we can discuss: FOOD! When Mom Octopus and I made our final planning trip to Pittsburgh in July, we had a tasting of several of the things that will be on our dinner menu, and it was seriously uh-may-zing.

During cocktail hour, we're having a cheese table and a fruit & vegetable table. Mom Octo and I got to try some of the offerings from the cheese table. Now, listen. Cheese is my all-time favorite food, and I have great love for a well-assembled cheese plate. Big Burrito's cheese plate was AWESOME.

GAH! Baguette! Blackberries! Dried figs! CHARCUTERIE (fancy deli meat)! I can't tell you what kinds of cheeses will actually be on our cheese table, because apparently Big Burrito opts to use whichever cheeses are currently the freshest and best-tasting from the local independent dairy they work with. I had no idea that local independent dairies even existed near Pittsburgh, but hey, awesome. Independent, locally-sourced food is usually delicious and good for the environment, AND is super-trendy in the blogosphere right now, so win-win-win! (C'monnnn, you know it's true.)

Then we moved on to tasting our dinner options.

Not pictured: the salad greens representing our salad station. What can I tell you? It's mesclun greens with tons and tons of topping options. The mesclun greens are also organic and locally-grown. I am so on point with the Internet right now.

Also not pictured: the carving station options, because we didn't have the chance to try them. It's a fairly standard carving station, I think. We're having roasted turkey breast and grilled marinated flank steak. The turkey breast is served with two sauce options: rosemary poultry jus and red pepper cream sauce. The steak is also served with two sauce choices: horseradish creme fraiche and chipotle BBQ sauce. The station also includes garlic mashed potatoes (which we did taste, and they were SLAMMIN') and grilled vegetables.

Then, the fun one! The Pittsburgh station!

My mouth actually just watered looking at these photos again. The Pittsburgh station will serve one of my favorite foods--pierogies--but not just any old pierogies. Pierogies stuffed with aged cheddar cheese and black truffle mashed potatoes, topped with caramelized onions. Big Burrito prepares them in a skillet, so they get that dry, brown crispness on the outside. I AM NOT getting up to make the rounds greeting our tables until I have eaten one of them.

The Pittsburgh station will also feature sausage-stuffed cabbage rolls (pictured next to the pierogies), rigatoni with spicy tomato sauce, and grilled kielbasa with sauerkraut. I really hope people like this station, because I think it is glorious. I know it's a little unconventional for wedding food, but it's also, in my humble opinion, fun and festive and SUPREMELY DELICIOUS. In fact, I just decided that I am going to practice positive thinking, and instead of telling myself "OMG, the wedding is two weeks away, soooooo nerve-wracking!", I will tell myself, "OMG, eating pierogies in two weeks is going to be pure bliss!" (I have been eating lightly and healthfully for two weeks. Lots of salads, no desserts. It is so grim, y'all.)

Okay, I hope you enjoyed this quick tour through the Octo Wedding Menu. I enjoyed thinking about it again. Pierogies! Carbs stuffed with carbs and cheese, grilled in butter and topped with sour cream!

Me in fifteen days. (Source.)

Are you serving any slightly unusual food options at your wedding?

RSVP Breakdown

2010-09-06T19:41:00.003-04:00

Our RSVP deadline has come and gone, and miraculously, we have barely any responses left floating around out there! (Ahem, Mr. Octo's friend Michael.) I always think it's interesting to see how the RSVPs break down for other people's weddings, especially destination (or, as we like to call ours, mini-destination) weddings. Here are the stats:

We invited 205 people, a number which includes Mr. Octo and myself.
Of that 205, only 16 are local to the Pittsburgh area.
14 of the 205 are kids under the age of eighteen.
We invited all guests' significant others, regardless of how long they had been together, and regardless of their engagement/living together status.
We did not offer plus-ones to single guests, largely because we were looking at a packed guest list already, and because every single person we invited knew a good handful of the other guests.
135 of the invitees are my family or family friends, and 78 of them are attending. 42 of the invitees are Mr. Octo's family, family friends, or friends of his that I don't know, and 30 of them are attending. 26 of the invitees are people we consider "our" shared friends, and 19 of them are attending.
The grand total: including ourselves, we will have 129 people at the wedding (14 kids, 115 adults), for an overall "Yes" rate of 63%.

We're actually very pleasantly surprised by how things shook out. In our very early wedding talks, our families had hoped for (and budgeted for) a total of around 120 people. As we entered into our catering plans, we then budgeted for 120 adults and 10 children.

However, as you can see, my family is quite substantial. My mom is one of seven children, all of whom are married with children of their own, and her mom's sister (my great-aunt) has eleven children, nearly all of whom are married with children of THEIR own. My mom is close with a number of her cousins and has been invited to many of their children's weddings. Although my dad's family can't quite match that "Irish Catholic in the 1950s" level of procreation, there are quite a few of them, too. At a certain point, based on the feedback we heard, we were expecting that we'd need to adjust the total to about 160 people. As we have ALL learned by now, 30 more people than originally planned doesn't sound like a whole lot, but financially, it was kind of terrifying.

Like many others, though, we found that a huge rush of "Yes" responses came in at the beginning, but was later followed by a big batch of "No"s. About two weeks into the response period, our acceptance rate was holding steady at about 87%, causing a giant collective GULP amongst the Octopi, but it slowed down a lot as the deadline got closer.

We had quite a few surprise acceptances--people we really didn't think would have the time or desire or money to make the trip--and we were thrilled by them all. I also feel pretty fortunate that on the other hand, we didn't have any truly surprising declines. In scanning over our guest list, I can look at every decline and know exactly where it came from (baby due any minute, lives in Germany, 92 years old and lives in a retirement home in Florida, has three kids and lives a ten-hour drive away, and so on, and so on). I know that not everyone feels that all of their "no"s were completely understandable, so I think we're kind of lucky in not feeling stung by any of ours.

Lessons learned from our guest-list adventures?

Ain't no such thing as a courtesy invite. I'd say you should start with the mindset that everyone you invite will make their very best attempt to be there with you, and a great many of them actually WILL be able to be there with you.
While it's your wedding, it's not totally about you (or at least it wasn't for my family, anyway). A lot of my extended family members don't know me very well, but they do know a lot of the other family members that were invited. Same idea with some of my parents' friends. I am totally okay with this. Weddings are fun, and offer up a chance to eat tasty food, drink tasty drinks, and dance and socialize with lots of people you don't see very often all at once. I know some people choose to keep their weddings intimate, inviting only those that they personally feel close to, which is awesome. This was not really an option for us, but ultimately, I'm happy about it. I think my parents were well within reason with who they chose to invite, and I'm really happy in knowing how much they'll enjoy themselves celebrating with our big family and big social circle.
Do not invite more people than you can pay for. Seriously, don't. Our invitee list started at 165, then went up to 185, then eventually went up to 205. Every addition came with the understanding that it was driving our potential wedding budget up. In other words, we committed to the added guests, but we (by which I mean the whole Family Octo) also committed to the possible extra costs. We certainly weren't thrilled about possibly forking up the cash for 205 guests, but we were prepared to do it. I would seriously advise against putting yourself in the terrifying position of inviting more people than you can feasibly pay for.

September brides, how did your RSVPs shake out? Anyone else have any wisdom to share from the process?

Mixology

2010-09-01T22:39:00.003-04:00

Hive, thank you so much for your great suggestions on our stocking-the-bar issue! I have some sad (for me) news regarding The Great Beer Debate. When I was home for my bridal shower, I was describing our beer choices to the Parents Octopus, as well as gleefully noting how Weddingbee mostly agreed with me that a light beer was not a necessary menu option.

But surprise! Mom Octopus informed me that Dad Octopus wants to drink Labatt Blue at the reception, and since Dad Octopus has been so easy-going, diplomatic, and supportive throughout the planning of this whole shindig (and holds a hearty share of the purse strings), what he wants, he gets. I mean, my first suggestion was that an alternative to the Labatt would be for Dad Octopus to develop better taste in beer, which he chuckled at, but......no dice. Labatt Blue is on the beer menu.

Then, tonight, I assembled an informal tasting panel consisting of Mr. Octo, MOH/Sister Lauren, and BM/Cousin Katie to try out some of the cocktail options you all shared with us. Want to see the winners?

Cocktail #1
A combination of ingredients based on suggestions by commenters Miss OceanBeach SF and 7SEVENJ9: orange juice, ginger ale, and vanilla vodka. Everyone, you should make this beverage as your TGIF evening drink tonight. I don't know why this combination of mixers never occurred to me before, but it was DELICIOUS. After I mixed it up for the panel and handed out the glasses, everyone started announcing, "oooooohh! this tastes really good!"

Soon-to-be in-laws toasting (to their mutual appreciation of fart jokes, probably)

Katie enjoys a cocktail, a slice of Upper Crust pizza, and the new issue of Martha Stewart Weddings. What else could a person possibly want?

A logical name for this drink would be something like "Creamsicle" or "Orange Blossom" or something, because that's what it tastes like. However, after 2.5 drinks last night, it occurred to me that maybe we should refer to it as a "Daffodil" on our bar menu. As an homage to my precious boo-boo, who is yellow and sweet, as is the drink. Get it?

Sweet? Yellow? Yeah?

Is this too cheesy and doofy to handle? And, I mean, if a person happened to Google "French bulldog silhouette" to try to find an image to put on the bar menu to make the connection between drink and dog abundantly clear, would this be crossing the line into "I love my dog SOOOO MUCH" psychosis? Please advise.

Cocktail #2
For the other mixed drink, we sampled (and liked) a dressed-up variation of a basic cranberry & vodka: cranberry juice, citrus-flavored vodka, seltzer water, and a squeeze of lime. Dry and fruity. Yum.

So, the final bar menu will include: Yuengling, Sam Adams Octoberfest, Labatt Blue, and Harpoon Cider as our beers, whatever Dad Octopus chooses for our wines (I'm not picky about those), and Creamsicles/Daffodils and the fizzy cranberry-citrus vodka drinks. Yum!

Notably, we're not serving champagne. I don't think people tend to order it from the bar that much, and I've observed firsthand that all the champagne poured in a champagne toast often isn't finished. We'll just have wine at the tables, and guests can toast with that if they'd like. I do love a good glass of bubbly, but I just think this is an expense that is easily cut.

What's on your bar menu?

Things I Did This Weekend

2010-08-28T23:12:00.006-04:00

Drove (or, to be more specific, rode shotgun) from Boston to my fabulous, beautiful hometown in fabulous, beautiful upstate NY.

Took a dip down to Pennsylvania to apply for our marriage license. Awesome Pennsylvania loophole: while some states require that you get your marriage license in the county that you'll be married in, PA does not. So, we took a little detour down to Tioga County and got a marriage license for $35. The very same marriage license would have cost us $75 in Allegheny County, where Pittsburgh (and the wedding) is located. SCORE!

Freaked out with glee at how great Mom Octopus looks in her MOB dress. For realz, she looks so great.

Made two members of our bridal party (Groomsman/Brother Adam and Bridesmaid Hannah) play dress up. I also fashioned a mock bouquet for Hannah using some flowers that were in generally the same color family (deep purple, dark raspberry pink, burgundy, and deep red) as their bridesmaid bouquets will be. Except the lavender flowers here will actually be a deep, rich purple in theirs. Anyway, I nearly peed my pants when I saw them in their bridal party outfits. Uhhhh, I think I love my wedding, y'all.

Had a beautiful, beautiful, beautiful bridal shower. This was my second shower, and it featured the king of meals: brunch. We had scones (and if you live anywhere near central NY and have not yet had a scone from Sophie's in Big Flats, NY, you need to get yourself over there now. Do you hear me, Locket?), four kinds of hash brown casserole, fruit salad, chicken salad, cake, and mimosas. Heavennnnnn.

Groomsman/Brother Adam is home from college for the summer and some of Mr. Octo's relatives came up from his hometown in northeastern PA for the shower, so they hung out for most of the shower. They skipped out to go swimming when it was time for presents, though.

DROOL.

These scones are the best I've ever had. I love you Sophie's.

Cakes, also from Sophie's: Niagara Falls cake (chocolate cake filled with Swiss buttercream & topped with ganache), carrot cake, & riesling cake (an almond cake flavored with wine).

Two enthusiastic thumbs up for his first bridal shower experience.

Grammy Octopus prepared this "identify the spice by scent" game. Groomsman/Brother Adam, who is in culinary school, won the game with 7 out of 8 correct.

I have a ribbon bouquet already from my first shower, so they prepared me a ribbon bonnet.

The lovely shower hostesses: Grammy Octopus, Aunt Octopus, Octopus Family Friend 1, and Octopus Family Friend 2. They are Bridesmaid Leigha's and Bridesmaid Hannah's moms, respectively. Our families spend so much time together it's almost a little gross.

Went to Sam's Club with Mom Octopus and began to plan the OOTHOOTBs (Octopi's Off-the-Hook Out-of-Town Bags).

Screwed around with Mr. O, Groomsman/Brother Adam, and Bridesmaid Hannah. And Daffodil.

Put on a giant pair of sweatpants and a giant sweatshirt and took my contacts out. Best way to end a busy day, am I right or am I right?

Said to Mom and Dad Octopus, "okay, well, the next time I see you guys, it will be two days before the wedding!" 26 days, folks. OOOMMMGGGGZZZZ.

What did you do this weekend?

What's Your Poison?

2010-08-27T07:30:00.000-04:00

GOOD NEWS, everyone! (said in the voice of Professor Farnsworth from Futurama.) Our plan for providing our own alcohol at the reception has evolved quite a bit since way back when I first posted about it, and I'm excited to say that we're getting close to having our DIY booze options all figured out!

(Source.)

Beer

We're definitely going to serve Yuengling, Sam Adams Octoberfest, and Harpoon Brewery's hard apple cider. Harpoon is local to Boston, and Mr. Octo and I went on a tour last month. We both sampled the hard cider for the first time, and had a "HELLO LOVAH, where have you been all my life?!" moment. It's not really sugary and sweet like some hard ciders are--we both agreed it was almost like a dry champagne. Deeeelicious.

There is one sticking point on the beer selections. A certain maid of honor who shall not be named is giving me a great deal of heat for not having a "light, drinkable" (or, in my opinion, gross and watery) beer like Bud Light or Coors on the list. I mean, I guess it's just a beer-snob position on my part; I think those "light" beers are gross, I never drink them, and I don't really want to serve them. That certain maid of honor thinks my preference doesn't matter, people want that kind of beer, and I should have it anyway. I think that if we're going to serve a light beer, Corona would be a good compromise. Mr. Octo thinks Corona will be too expensive, and votes for PBR, because he's turned into a hipster, apparently. What do you all think?

Wine

We're keeping this one simple and not-too-specific. Whatever Finger Lakes white wine strikes our fancy, and whatever tasty merlot we can find for around $10 a bottle. Donezo.

Cocktails

So here's where things get interesting. While the Children's Museum does not provide our alcohol, it does charge us a $5 per person "bar fee." For that fee, we get ice, bar fruit (like cherries and lemon wedges), juices, and sodas. Our goal has been to come up with a few mixed drinks that can largely be created using the juices and sodas provided with the bar fee, eliminating the need to spend lots of money on extra mixers. Here's what the Children's Museum will be providing to us: Pepsi, Diet Pepsi, Sierra Mist, ginger ale, orange juice, cranberry juice, grapefruit juice, tomato juice, tonic, and seltzer water.

From that, we've decided to serve gin & tonics, some variation on a cranberry & vodka, and my grandfather's whiskey sour recipe. The gin & tonic is easy peasy, but my grandfather's whiskey sours will not be--we'll have to stock all our own mixers for that one. I'm hoping to strike a happy medium on the cranberry & vodka drink. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love just a plain ol' cranberry & vodka any day, but I'm hoping to maybe......jazz it up a little? Something that says more "fancy and festive event" and less "my go-to choice on dollar well drinks night"? I would LOVE to hear recipes for cranberry-and-vodka-based cocktails. Or, alternately, orange-juice-and-vodka-based cocktails.

I'd love your feedback, hive, especially on the crapp--ahem, drinkable beers issue, and I'd quadruple-love vodka cocktail suggestions. What do you think? What are you serving as your alcohol options?

All the Nervous Sleepers*

2010-08-23T21:41:00.000-04:00

*Post title intended to be sung to the tune of All the Single Ladies. I was going to come up with a song parody but it turns out that I'm terrible at song parodies. So just sing the title.

I never, ever, ever have insomnia problems. I fall asleep easily, stay sound asleep all night, and wake up feeling great in the morning.

See? Two sleepy peas in a pod!

There is just one exception to this pattern: I sleep terribly when I have a big (exciting OR nerve-wracking) event coming up the next day. Job interview? Vacation? First day of work? Christmas (Yes, I still get that excited about Christmas, WHAT ABOUT IT)? I have a terrible time falling asleep, have crazy dreams, wake up every hour or so feeling wide awake with my mind racing, and ultimately am up for the day with no hopes of falling back asleep by 6 AM. You can connect the obvious dots here. I'd like to avoid that exhausted-with-racing-adrenaline feeling at our wedding, if it's possible. Ideally, I hope I'll wake up the morning of feeling refreshed, well-rested, and calm, rather than tired-but-jittery and full of nervous, spazzy energy.

I'm concocting a game plan in hopes of sleeping well the night before the wedding, and here's what I've got so far:

No alcohol at the rehearsal dinner. Maybe one glass of wine early on, but that's it. Sadly, I've come to learn that at the ripe old age of twenty-five, I can't hang with the booze like I used to. Alcohol definitely does help me fall asleep, but it's terrible for staying asleep. Being tipsy before I go to bed will only contribute to the wide-awake-every-hour phenomenon. Also, I've discovered the hard way that at this point, I will feel aftereffects from even a minor buzz the next morning. Gross (and my college self would be so ashamed!).

White noise. When I'm anxious and anticipating a big day, I lay in bed and my mind just races non-stop. The most frustrating is when I can't seem to turn my brain off about the fact that I can't sleep, and I lay there thinking, "I'm not tired yet. Oh man, I need to get tired. I need to fall asleep. How long have I been laying here? Unless I fall asleep soon, I will get less than seven hours of sleep, and then I'll feel bad tomorrow. I need to fall asleep." ARGH!

(Source.)

Playing quiet music or sounds seems to help, since it gives my brain something to focus on other than my own crazy thoughts.

Hot herbal tea and a long, hot shower. This always helps me slow down, calm down, and relax.

Candlelight Yoga. I've pitched this DVD here before, but I just like it so much!

(Source.)

Doing the stretching and deep breathing, especially in dim lighting, always makes me sleepy. I'm usually yawning uncontrollably during the guided relaxation routine at the end. It's available on Netflix Instant, so I can easily do it in my hotel room at night using my trusty laptop.

Chemical aid/herbal supplements. This is the part where I don't really know what I'm doing. I'm not at all against the idea of using some kind of medicine to help me get some sleep, but I've also never done it before. I don't want the pendulum to swing too far in the wrong direction and feel groggy, sluggish, and out of it in the morning any more than I want to feel exhausted-hyper. If I'm going to take any kind of sleep aid, I definitely want to try it out beforehand, so I need to figure some options out soon. Mom Octopus told me that melatonin supplements are supposed to be helpful; does anyone else have an over-the-counter sleep aid to recommend?

Any other nervous sleepers out there? What are you going to do to make sure you get some rest the night before your wedding?

In An Ideal World....

2010-08-23T19:07:00.000-04:00

There is one (ONLY one!) thing I don't love about Heinz Chapel, our ceremony site. Would you like a few gratuitous shots of how pretty it is to refresh your memory first?

(Source.)

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(Source.)

Anyway, Heinz Chapel has super-strict music requirements for the ceremonies it hosts. As in, you have to use one of their organists to provide the music, and there is a list of six songs you can pick from for the processional, three for the bride's entrance, and six for the recessional. All of the choices are very formal, traditional, classical songs (Ode to Joy, Here Comes the Bride, Canon in D, etc). Those are your options, no ifs, ands, or buts.

I don't LOVE this, but I also don't care that much either. I'm not a huge music person to begin with, and I'm sure the organ music will not be something that sticks with me about our wedding. Also, because of the inflexible rules, figuring out ceremony music is one less thing that I have to worry about, so there's a bright side!

If those restrictions didn't exist, though, I know exactly what song would play for our processional up the aisle: "Bridal Veil Falls," by Chris Thile. It's an instrumental song that features an acoustic guitar and a mandolin, and it's sooooo beautiful. Not to get really schmoopy on you, but do you know how sometimes a song sounds the way something feels? This song sounds like what my relationship with Mr. O feels like. We both love it so, so, so much.

Sigh. In my dream world. (The same one with the Primanti Bros sandwiches and the satin kimono and the second French bulldog.)

Do you have any bummer restrictions at one of your venues, or with one of your vendors?

Ridiculous Things I Want

2010-08-19T08:39:00.004-04:00

While there aren't any formal plans in place for it yet, I'm fairly sure that when our wedding reception ends at 11 PM, there will be an after-party at a nearby bar. My thinking is that Mr. O and I would definitely like to attend the after-party and keep the good times rolling with our friends and family (we have the rest of our lives to gaze dreamily into each other's eyes in private, right?).

My wedding dress is reasonably comfortable, by which I mean it probably won't have killed me by the end of the night. I plan to wear it throughout the reception, but for the after-party? Hells nah. I will want that sucker OFF by then. So, now I have become enamored of the idea of having an after-party dress. This after-party dress.

(Source.)

You guys. This dress is ivory. Being an ivory-colored person, I never wear ivory. It is also completely covered in sequins. I do not ever wear anything covered in sequins. It is a totally over-the-top, one-wear, fancy, ridiculous, not-really-me, 138-dollar dress. And I WANNTTTTT ITTTTT. Because, look, I'm going to be wearing fake eyelashes and a very large hair accessory made of feathers and crystals and netting, and it's my wedding day. WHEN ELSE in my entire life can I sport a crazy, sparkly, sequined white dress and feel good about it? It's my wedding day, and I will dress like a showgirl if I want to.

I will probably not buy this dress. Probably. It's silly to buy another dress for my wedding day that I will never wear again. I mean, right?.......oooooh, sequins. But probably not.

While we're playing the Veruca Salt "I want, I want, give it to me nowwwww" game, though, you know what else occurred to me would be fun to have?

A really silly and decadent bathrobe to wear while getting my hair and makeup done in the morning. If I could be more specific, a SATIN KIMONO! (Just typing the words "satin kimono" made me laugh out loud. It sounds so aging-diva.)

(Source.)

Or maybe a really plushy white bathrobe that says BRIDE on the back in RHINESTONES! This is a fun game. For the record, I also want a photo booth, chivari chairs, upgraded linens, a gigantic dessert table, ginormous floral centerpieces, and a late-night snack of Primanti Bros sandwiches brought into the reception. And that honeymoon to Japan and Thailand I originally envisioned. And a second honeymoon to France and Italy. Also, another French bulldog, although that's not wedding-related.

LOOK HOW CUTE SHE IS! Now imagine how cute it would be if I had TWO of these!

Your turn. What ridiculous, impractical, won't-happen-but-wouldn't-it-be-fun items do YOU have on your mind?

Tributes to Elaine

2010-08-17T20:32:00.004-04:00

I haven't said anything in a while about how things have been with regards to the loss of Mr. O's mom. The answer is: mostly okay. Sometimes not, but mostly okay. I guess the thing I didn't know about, and wasn't prepared for, was the new reality that you have to negotiate after the horrible first few days and weeks are over. The random stuff you remember, or realize she won't be around for, or when I look at a photo and think, "FMIL Octopus was still alive then," or the sticky and sometimes weird new family dynamics that spring up after someone's gone. And, more immediately (and relevantly to this blog), the question that weighed on our minds a few months ago: what will the wedding be like now?

At this point, we've mostly figured out how we're going to include the memory of Mr. Octo's mom in our wedding day, and how to work through the traditions in which she'd normally be a participant.

First, the unity candle. Typically, the mothers of the bride and groom light the small side candles at the beginning of the ceremony, which the bride and groom then use to light the center candle. We're now using this tradition as our most significant tribute to Mr. Octo's mom. Mr. O has two half-sisters from his father's first marriage, who each have two young daughters. FMIL Octopus was very close to the kids, and had very much wanted them to have a special role of some kind in our wedding. So, we've decided that when my mom goes to the altar to light her candle, Mr. Octo's nieces will all join her there, carrying silk daffodils (FMIL Octo's favorite flower). They will put the daffodils in a vase behind the groom-side candle, and my mom will help Oldest Niece Octo (who's 10) to light the groom's candle. I'm also going to write a note in the programs mentioning that this gesture is specifically meant to honor and represent Mr. O's mom.

Second, my dad's speech. My dad is a great and heartfelt public speaker, and I am already anticipating his toast at the beginning of our reception, knowing how emotional it's going to be. Mr. Octo and I were home visiting my parents last month, and we all discussed whether or not my dad should reference Mr. Octo's mom in his toast. We decided, ultimately, that yes, he should. One of the things Mr. Octo has struggled with is worrying that his mother's memory won't be kept vibrant and alive; that it will start to seem or feel like she never existed in the first place. I think my father mentioning Mr. O's mom helps in that regard; yes, when my dad says "Elaine is with us in spirit tonight," more than a few people, including my groom and I, will probably be stricken with a moment or two of ugly-cry. But we are both of the opinion that ugly-crying is better than politely ignoring the fact that she's not there.

Third, the mother-son dance is being re-worked as a brother-sister dance. Originally, Mr. O had hoped to dance with his mother's mother, who is his only surviving grandparent, at our reception. However, she's really elderly and pretty unwell, and it seems pretty definitive at this point that she won't be attending the wedding (a whole other sadness, but there's enough sad in this post already). So, Mr. O will be dancing with the older of his aforementioned sisters, who was very close to FMIL Octopus. Suggestions for songs that are neither romantic nor clearly parent-child oriented would be VERY welcome, by the way.

I think the ideas we've come up with are lovely, really. I hope they're tasteful, and give a strong impression that we want to remember and draw attention to Mr. O's mom's memory, without being morbid. But on the other hand, I just hate them. I hate that we have to do this. I hate that we have to think about this. It sounds simplistic almost to the point of being silly or childish, but I can't count how many times I've said to Mr. Octopus, "I just wish so badly that your mom didn't die. I just wish she were alive."

A final note: I don't plan to ever discuss this in depth on the blog, but to say it briefly and tactfully, my relationship dynamic with Mr. Octo's mother was a work in progress. The guilt and regret I have surrounding that fact is mine to deal with, but as it relates to you all.....I don't know. I don't exactly have a direction I'm going in with this. Just.....I know that delicate and tough mother-in-law dynamics are very, very, very common in wedding planning and in life. I was there, and I know how it feels. But now I'm here, and now I know how this feels. And I would take the other side over this a thousand, a million times over. I would do nearly anything to have it back, in fact. I just want to say that.

Are you remembering someone important at your wedding? How are you choosing to incorporate their memory into your day?

Octo-Maids: GIFTED!

2010-08-12T20:58:00.006-04:00

Dear Bridesmaids,
I love that you are all such dedicated readers of my blog, but for this one, you have to scram. Unless you want to know what your thank-you gift is in advance, and that's no fun. So BYE!
xoxo,
Octo

Initially, I was thinking I'd like to give my bridesmaids a spa day once we all got together in Pittsburgh as their thank-you present for being in our wedding. That plan was a bust, though. The packages I could afford had pretty scanty offerings, or they couldn't accommodate us all at once, or they'd take six hours to complete, and overall, it just wasn't gonna work.

So, today, I headed down to the outlets in Wrentham, MA (about an hour south of Boston) to see if anything caught my eye as a nice gift for the girls. (And, yes, I know this weekend is a tax holiday in Massachusetts--but I conducted an informal cost-benefit analysis and determined that the 6% I would save wasn't worth the sanity I would give up by trying to do some leisurely shopping in an outlet mall during a tax holiday in back-to-school-shopping season on a Saturday).

I prowled around in the Michael Kors, Burberry, and Kate Spade outlets, and found lots of promising (if slightly pricier than I wanted) contenders. Michael Kors had some really beautiful sunglasses ($80) and leather wallets ($80), and Kate Spade had a whole bunch of adorable wristlets and wallets as well. Most of those were in the $75 range, though, so it was just a little spendier than I was hoping for.

Ultimately, I went with what I think is probably a bridesmaids-gift classic: Coach wristlets. Beautiful, soft, classy grayish-silver leather Coach wristlets. They were $50 apiece, and they are gorgeeooousss. And I kind of wish I had bought one for myself, but that's neither here nor there. Want to see them?

Once with the flash off.....

...and once with the flash on so you can see the pretty, slightly shimmery color.

In addition to these lovely wristlets, the Coach outlet had a great selection of wallets, makeup bags, small purses, and wristlets in other patterns. They had both leather and the classic Coach pattern in a variety of colors. I myself waffled on whether to choose the gray leather wristlets, or white cloth ones with the Coach pattern in silver (so pretty and fancy for a going-out outfit!) until it occurred to me how quickly the white ones would get dingy-looking. There were tons of options in the $40-$100 range, so if you're an Eastern Mass girl and your bridesmaids like classy accessories, I would totally recommend a trip to the Wrentham Outlets.

Do you like them? What did you choose for your bridesmaids?

Creating My Wedding Band, Stage 1

2010-08-11T23:45:00.002-04:00

YAY! The rough draft sketches of my wedding band have arrived! If you recall, my parents gave me a gift certificate to a jeweler in my hometown as a graduation present when I got my master's degree in May, intending to offset the costs of a custom-designed wedding ring.

After seeing my inspiration photos, here are the mock-ups the jeweler provided:

After scrutinizing the drafts, I knew I loved the rings that were the more open, flowing style the best. With rings 2 and 4, the pattern is kind of contained within the ring, which I don't like as much. Rings 2 and 4: OUT!

I also know that I like the tulip-style flower that you see in rings 2 and 5 better than the daisy-style flower in rings 1, 3, and 4. So whichever style I choose, I'm going to ask that the tulip-style flower be included in the pattern.

After that, I'm torn between rings 1, 3, and 5. Every time I look at the pictures, my eyes are drawn to a different one. I also asked Mr. Octo which rings he preferred (without telling him what I liked), and he said he couldn't decide between 1 and 5. Sometimes I think I want the more delicate, intricate style of ring 1, and then sometimes I think I like the smoother, flowier styles of 3 and 5.

Here's another factor included in my decision: the little circles you see in the drawings represent diamonds. Ring 1 has the most diamonds, making it the most expensive. Ring 5 has the least. My gift certificate is a generous amount, but won't cover the whole cost of any of them, so budget is still a factor. I think I could request that ring 1 not include AS many diamonds, though (like, with some of the swirls plain, rather than the current design, where every swoop has diamonds set in it). I wouldn't exactly say no to a healthy dose of diamonds, but I do need to consider price.

Maybe I just need another day to stare at these a little more? I'm kind of surprised by my own indecisiveness--I'm not normally a waffler! What do you all think? Which ring do you like?

More Items Relegated to the Eff-It List

2010-08-10T22:48:00.001-04:00

I deleted a bunch of things off my Giant Wedding To-Do List, and it's not because I finished them. It's because I ditched them. DITCHED 'EM!

Months ago, I had big plans. Here are just a few of the projects I had dreamed that I'd take on for our wedding....

Votives wrapped in old book pages,

(Source.)

and a poster for the cocktail hour in which guests could pin a cute flagged tack to indicate what year they met us,

(Source.)

and fortune tellers whose purpose at a wedding I don't entirely understand, but look how cute,

(Source.)

and custom buttons with fun wedding-related slogans,

(Source.)

and Moo cards with trivia questions to scatter around the cocktail tables, and a hand-rigged photo line, and so on and so on and so on.

I do have the time to create all these little details. I could scrounge up the money from somewhere if I really wanted to. But the months were ticking by, and I kept moving "order personalized buttons" and "create photo line" farther and farther and farther down the to-do list. Every time I started to plan these projects, I'd think, ugh, and stop. The idea of creating, storing, shipping and/or packing, then organizing or presenting or displaying all these cute little details filled me with dread. Yet I persevered, and kept them on my list for a long, long time, despite how badly I didn't want to make/order/store/pack/display any of them. Why?

Well, two intertwined reasons, really. One, I am an Internet-savvy bride, and that dreaded phrase that often gets tossed around in the wilds of wedding media--cookie-cutter--was ringing in my ears. My wedding is already pretty darn traditional, save for perhaps the slightly off-beat reception venue. If I don't stuff my wedding to the gills with these little details, won't it be just another boring, typical, traditional, cookie-cutter wedding?!

Two, the fact is not lost on me that I am a Weddingbee blogger. If I could get a little meta on you for a second, um, have you seen the weddings of my fellow bees? They're spectacular. I love blogging here, and I feel like I've gotten so much from this community, and I really don't want to be the bee that makes everyone think, "ugh, BO-RING!" I could tell you that I don't care what the Internet thinks of my wedding, but that would be a lie. I like you, Internet! I don't want you to think my wedding and I are super-lame! So, to be honest, I was reluctant to give up a lot of the little stuff because I wanted to have something to show Weddingbee.

Finally, it was time for a reality check. I've reached the point where our wedding is weeks, not months, away. I so, so, so wanted to just scrap the buttons and the trivia cards and all the whatnot, but I kept thinking, "but if I get rid of that stuff, then my wedding won't have any personal details!" You guys, that is crazy talk. Everything about this wedding is personal. Mr. Octo and I chose everything about it, from the location to the food to the cake flavors to the colors of the napkins. Oh, and also? Our wedding will be personal because we are getting married at it. What could be more personal than that?

I've gotta be me, you guys. I am not, under any circumstances, a crafter--in fact, I didn't actually know that crafting, with the paper and the supplies and the glue and whatnot, was even a thing people did before I started reading wedding blogs. All those details would be adorable, but they wouldn't be me. I do still plan on spending time making things that I think will be functional and useful (ceremony programs, out-of-town bags, that kind of thing), but the fun-but-wholly-unnecessary stuff? Out. Scrapped it all.

So, I'm not going to be the blogger who shows you DIY posts, or who has a fleet of beautiful and cohesive handcrafted items, or who has a truly visually stunning wedding. But I can be the blogger who reminds you that, ultimately, your wedding is supposed to make you happy, and that ideally, the process of planning your wedding should be pretty fun, and that laying tons of unnecessary and avoidable stress on yourself for the sake of personal details or visual impact or whatever is silly. If you LIKE creating all that stuff, then do it! If, like me, the thought of it fills you with dread and anxiety, DON'T do it!

What's your stance on creating and crafting for your wedding? Do you, like me, sometimes feel intimidated by the world of wedding blogs?

Debauchery in Boston

2010-08-09T09:54:00.008-04:00

It's been two days now since my bachelorette party, and I think I've recovered enough to recap it for all of you. Phew. Okay. Oh, also. This post contains photos of a few saucy images and some dirty words. You've been warned!

The events of the party were kept a giant secret from me, but I knew that there was lots of behind-the-scenes planning going on. I was instructed to arrive at a Marriott in a perfect, central downtown Boston location, and here's what I found:

Slices of cheese, my favorite orange cheese-flavored food, a pint of pub cheese, and French onion dip. Oh, bridesmaids. You know me too well.

The girls had worked so hard to secure an awesome room, decorate it, and prepare us some goody bags and slammin' t-shirts! YAY! Here's the contents of the bags:

And here are our t-shirts. The girls opted to decorate our bachelorette party gear with a selection of the rules listed in the movie "Wedding Crashers", and, for what it's worth, they earned us a LOT of attention later that night:

We hung out in the room for a while, popping bottles of champagne, playing a version of The Newlywed Game (I had to drink when I was told Mr. Octopus said his favorite food was spicy Thai kettle chips. LIES! It is totally hot dogs), and enjoying the views from our gorgeous room.

Views of the harbor and the North End! Be still my heart!

Eventually, we suited up in our shirts and headed out to our dinner, a five-course tasting menu at Tremont 647. Sadly, we were stricken with a slight tragedy at that point: my poor sister/MOH, who has been working her butt off for months planning this party, suddenly came down with a bout of food poisoning or stomach flu or something. Almost as soon as we were seated at the restaurant, she had to leave, and didn't make it to any of the events for the rest of the night. It breaks my heart that she worked so hard to put it all together and then didn't get to enjoy almost any of the party with us! You'll see in a minute how fabulously the night turned out, so be sure to let her know in the comments what a good job she did, even though she didn't get to be there!

(Also, side note? Mr. Octopus drove us all down to the hotel with our bags at the beginning of the party, turned right around as soon as he got home and came back to bring me the wallet (and ID) I had forgotten, drove to a different Boston locale a few hours later to pick my sister up at the restaurant and drop her off at the hotel, then drove back down to the hotel a few hours after that to pick her up and bring her to our apartment when she realized that she wasn't getting any better and didn't want to be sick in the hotel room when we got back. I am, for reals, marrying the kindest, most selfless man alive.)

Anyway, our tasting menu at Tremont 647 was awesome, and the service was really attentive and great. As an FYI to anyone who might be considering it, my sister informed me later that they were a nightmare to deal with in the weeks leading up to the party, but you wouldn't have known it from the dinner we had. Our meal was topped off by a gorgeous cake:

And then, after dinner, OHHHH MG. Here's something I am certain that I have not shared with the hive before, but something that my bridesmaids know well indeed: your friend Octopus mothereffing LOVES drag queens. LOOOOVVEEEEES. I love the dancing, the sparkly outfits, the raunchy jokes, and the strong emphasis on being the most confident, fabulous creature in the room. My bridesmaids (particularly Clara and Erica, with whom I have patronized a drag show or seven over the years) rose to the occasion, and we headed to Jacques' Cabaret!

Here's another tip if you, like me, love drag shows: we didn't know this beforehand, but Jacques' Cabaret is a major hot spot for bachelorette parties. I had to be one of fifteen brides-to-be celebrating there that night, easily. Reservations to get a table sell out months in advance, so unless your party is set in stone, like, six months beforehand, you probably will have a hard time landing a table. Your best bet is to arrive very early for the show and wait in line outside. We got in and got seats at the bar with no problems, but I'd say a good forty people got turned away.

Another tip: Jacques' bartenders mix a very strong drink. Don't think that just because your cranberry and vodka comes in a tiny cup and tastes good that it's harmless. I think you'll get the idea in a moment.

First event of the night: all the birthday celebrators and all the bachelorettes get invited on stage to be interrogated and teased by the hostess. She helpfully informed me that there are great sex clubs in my honeymoon destination, Montreal (thanks, but no thanks!).

Right before the show got started. Innocent enough, yes?

Well, here we are about four cocktails deep, feeling AWESOME:

Here I am tipping one of the performers. This is basically my favorite photo ever taken.

Towards the end of the show, it gravitated less towards staged numbers, and the performers mostly came out to interact with audience members, dance with them, and, of course, get some tips.

Please note the two blue-shirted members of my party having a GRAND old time. Atta girl!

That song that goes "shots! shots! shots!" came on, and performer Destiny took note of the fact that Bridesmaid Erica had nearly a full beer in hand, and dragged her up on stage to chug the entire thing in front of the crowd. She did it, of course, because she's a champ.

Here is Erica's best "I just guzzled a Corona because this gorgeous drag queen made me" face. I am so glad I caught this moment on film.

After the show ended, we (reluctantly) left Jacques' Cabaret and headed to a bar in downtown Boston close to our hotel, where we were absolutely pounced upon by a swarm of the backwards-hatted, polo-shirted bros that downtown Boston bars are a bit notorious for. They were nice enough, but were quite insistent on trying to buy us lots and lots of alcohol, which I was equally insistent that my poor beleaguered bloodstream could not handle any more of.

I'll just toast with this sensible glass of water, thanks!

Bridesmaid Erica and I are the old married (or, in my case, soon-to-be-married) ladies of the group and eventually got tired of the relentless invitations to do Jaeger bombs, so we rolled out a little early to head back to the hotel and eat Doritos in bed while watching TLC. The rest of the girls stayed out and mingled 'til last call. Champs!

The next day, we took full advantage of our late 2 PM checkout to lay in bed, eat bland foods, watch wedding shows on TLC, and moan. Ooof.

Thank you, Octo-Bridesmaids, for an absolutely amazing weekend that was more than I ever could have asked for! And we missed you all night, MOH/Sister Lauren! I had a truly glorious time!

What did you do for your bachelorette party? Also, do you love drag queens too? THEY'RE SO TALL AND SASSY!

Breaking News for Boston Girls!

2010-08-02T11:12:00.007-04:00

Hello, Boston hive members! I am bringing glorious news to you today!

Have you always wished that you could join Healthworks, the super-ritzy and gorgeous women's-only gym that has five locations here, but you couldn't, because membership is mind-bogglingly expensive? WELL, GUESS WHAT! Today is your lucky day! I got tipped off by a friend that there's a group discount coupon available today on BuyWithMe (kinda like Groupon or LivingSocial, that kind of thing) in which you can purchase 29 visits to Healthworks for $29. A dollar a visit!

Here are the catches:
* Your 29 visits must be completed by 10/2/10.
* The Cambridge location has restrictions on the hours in which you can use your voucher--basically, no usage during peak hours. So, Monday-Friday, you can't visit from 5:30 AM-9 AM or from 4 -8 PM, and Saturday, you can't visit from 7:30 AM-11AM. However, none of the other locations (Back Bay, Brookline, Chestnut Hill, and Salem) have that time restriction.
* You can't use the voucher if you're already a Healthworks member.

You DO get full access to all the fitness classes (as well as the regular cardio and weight areas) with the voucher, though, and Healthworks has lots of them: different varieties of yoga and pilates, spinning, cardio, weightlifting/muscle toning, and so on. You also get to use all the fabu spa amenities (whirlpool, steam room, sauna, and so on) and the coupon is good at any of the five locations.

Bridesmaid Katie and I jumped on this coupon like it was on fire, since 29 visits in the 54 days we have left until the wedding is the perfect amount. Also, I just want to note that I'm not mentioning this because I'm a part of the promotion--I've just heard women talk about Healthworks so lovingly you would think there were unicorns in the locker room, and I've been dying to try it. So, I'm spreading the word to you! Enjoy!

My First Instance of Bride Brain

2010-08-01T10:04:00.005-04:00

Our RSVPs have begun to roll in steadily, and I have been trying to play it cool about just how excited I am to go to the mailbox every day and find a few more little cards. One of the things I've been enjoying the most is how many people have gone out of their way to add a little note or a joke to us--sweet things like "we can't wait to share in your joy!", or, from my recently-married best friend, an asterisk next to her "number attending" to let me know that she might also be bringing some friends who were going to be in town that weekend, and their dates, and possibly a baby or two, but she wasn't sure yet, and would let me know a few days before the wedding. Oh, bride inside jokes. Or, my favorite so far, an RSVP from a friend of Mr. O's, with whom he has a number of running jokes about robots:

But here's the card that threw me for a huge loop yesterday:

I looked at this card and said to Mr. Octo, "Mom and Dad?! Who the HELL are Mom and Dad?!! Who did we invite that would refer to themselves as 'Mom and Dad' on their card?? They RSVPd for four people!!! This could be ANYONE'S Mom and Dad! Why didn't they tell me their names?! Who the hell is this from, seriously?!"

Mr. O took one glance at the card and said, "Um, Miss Octo, I think it's from your mom and dad. That's your dad's handwriting. It's an RSVP for your parents and brother and sister, that's who the four people are."

.........

.........

......OH. Also: HAHAHAHAHA!

I couldn't stop laughing relaying this story to my mom. I wish you all could have heard how much indignance I managed to spit out in the phrase "who the HELL are Mom and Dad?!" I think I've gone over our guest list so many times by now that I've internalized the way we addressed people on their envelopes, and since the RSVP didn't come in labeled "The Octopus Family," as I was expecting, it just Did. Not. Compute. My poor bride brain.

Also, this all could have been solved by numbering our RSVP cards. No, I didn't number our RSVP cards. I completely forgot about it until, like, three days after they were already mailed. Whoops. Let's hope Mr. Octo retains his cool-headed mystery-solving skills in the days ahead. Number your RSVP cards, ladies!

Have you had a "bride brain" moment yet?

Hair Trial, v2.0

2010-07-30T10:33:00.003-04:00

Remember my first, disastrous hair trial? Where the stylist informed me that there was nothing she could do with my "too short" hair, put it in a ponytail, and charged me $35 for twenty minutes in the pleasure of her company?

The ONE good thing that came out of that experience was getting lots and lots and lots of recommendations from Pittsburgh hive members for more talented (and more ethical--yes I'm still bitter) stylists. WB readers redherring and briana_2835 recommended Brooke Rockwell, and since I'd also seen her name on the Knot and she came highly recommended by my makeup artist, I figured she must do really good work. My most recent (and last-before-the-wedding!) planning trip to Pittsburgh included a trial with Brooke, and I am relieved to report that it was a total success!

I showed her these inspiration photos:

(All from here.)

and here's what she did:

The only thing that I might change is I think I'll ask her to weave the pieces of the bun a little tighter on the wedding day. I have lots of hair. It's always the first thing stylists say to me, including Brooke: "wow, you have so much hair!" So, my one concern was that my hairstyle looked so big. It was approximately the size of a Cinnabon. See?

We also talked about the bridesmaids' hairstyles. The girls and I were thinking of going for a soft, half-up, half-down look for them, like this:

(Source.)

(Source.)

(Source.)

(Source.)

Brooke did a really nice job with my hair, will come to our hotel room on the wedding day to do our hair, and charges a really reasonable price per person. Win all around!

Did you have to do a few rounds of trials before you found the right vendor?