What To Do About My Wedding Band: Another Installment

About a month after we got married, I shared with you all that my custom wedding band turned out significantly different than what I had imagined and wanted. I was hoping for a floral filigree band, something dainty and intricate. I got something, well, clunky.


Yeah, not gonna work.

Reading all of your comments on that post was really enlightening to me. I learned a few things from all of your helpful thoughts and suggestions. The main fact that became apparent to me was that the jeweler I had commissioned to design the band was simply a poor fit for what I wanted. My parents gave me a gift certificate to his shop because it truly is filled with beautiful pieces. However, those pieces are very, very different in style from what I was asking for. He designs relatively simple, semi-funky, organic-looking jewelry that often features unusual gemstones. This did not escape my notice; I remember the first time I walked into his store, I thought, "hmm, nothing in these displays looks like what I'm imagining...." But I showed him my pictures, he said "sure," and I was both really excited and really uninformed, so I just went ahead with it. In retrospect, I should have done more research about the custom jewelry process and trusted my gut instinct that this was not the right artist to execute my ideas, and he should have pointed out the fact that intricate, patterned scrollwork is not his specialty. Lesson learned.

Many of you advocated for me to request a refund and go elsewhere, and I knew that's what I really needed to do. Like I said, it was apparent that he was not the right jeweler for my ring, and I knew there wasn't really going to be any fixing it into something that met my expectations.

And then.....I put it off. I put it off, and put it off, and put it off. Honestly, I have never been in this situation before, and I was really nervous about contacting him to say that I flat-out did not like the end product, didn't think he could fix it, and wanted my money back. It wasn't a satisfactory product and I knew it, but that still sounds HARSH, you know? I was also really, really afraid that he would refuse to refund my money, and then I'd be stuck with an expensive ring that I didn't like and did not want to wear.

I put off getting in touch with him until last week--two and a half months after our wedding. (I do not recommend this route. It was dumb of me, and I know it.) Finally, I knew that I HAD to bite the bullet and contact him. I spent, like, an hour composing a carefully-worded e-mail that I hoped was assertive and made my dissatisfaction clear, but was also kind and respectful of the work he put into it. I sent it off, and was sweating bullets.

Then, I heard back: "I'm sorry that the ring did not have the elements you were hoping for. Send it back to me, and get in touch with your credit card information, and I will issue you a full refund." Oh! OH! Okay then! (I do somewhat suspect that he knew that the ring wasn't comparable to what I had showed him, which is why he so readily offered a refund. Or maybe he's just really, really nice, and really concerned with customer satisfaction. Either way, win for me.)

So here's my dilemma now: I need a new wedding band, and I will have the refunded money from my first go-round at my disposal for it.

The wedding bands that have always, always, always made my heart pound are these ones from Fay Cullen:






(Source for all three.)

I get the total "GASP! it's PERFECT! it's EXACTLY what I want!" swoony feeling when I look at those rings. The problem? They are VERY expensive. The first ring (my very favorite) costs $2,080, the second ring costs $1,690, and the third ring costs $1,950. Gulp.

None of those prices are something we could comfortably afford right now, even after applying the refund money from the first band. I also feel that, despite how much I love the rings, that's just a pretty extravagant price to pay for a band. If we were in a place right now where we had a solid amount of disposable income, I wouldn't be so hesitant, but things are tight in the Octo household right now. Mr. Octo and I prioritize a debt-free lifestyle very highly, so if I were to go for one of those rings, it would have to wait for a good long while, until we could pay in full, in cash, without sweating it or freaking out that the money really should be spent on something else. (For reference: in our situation, "a good long while" would likely mean about two years.)

The other option, as I see it, is to go scouring for something else--something cheaper. I have yet to find anything else out there that makes my heart sing like those Fay Cullen bands, but maybe I just haven't looked hard enough. If we were to go the immediate-purchase route, I'd be looking for rings that fell within the $500-750 range. If I were looking for a simpler ring, I think that would be a fairly easy find, but since my engagement ring does not fit flush with regular bands, I really wanted to swap it over to my right hand, and wear a more intricate wedding band all by itself on my left hand. A detailed, patterned band for $500-750 is not something I've come by yet.

What do you all think I should do? Can you point me in the direction of bands reminiscent of those Fay Cullen beauties in a lower price range?

The Luckiest: Obligatory Family Photos

The post-ceremony portraits were kind of a crazy blur. As soon as we finished our recessional down the aisle, the Heinz Chapel coordinators whisked us back downstairs with the rest of the bridal party. Have I mentioned Heinz Chapel has a policy or two? One of them is no receiving lines allowed (which I was actually thrilled about--receiving lines are not my jam). Anyway, we had to be sequestered away for about ten minutes as our guests cleared out of the Chapel, lest an impromptu receiving line form.

Then, we were whooshed back up to the altar for a round of family formals. I will not show you all of them, because there are LOTS!

Here's a tip from my photographer to me to you: before the wedding, list all the portraits that you want to have taken. Start with portraits including elderly people and children, whose stamina for picture-taking will wane the fastest. Also, start with the largest groups and work your way down by pulling people out, rather than putting people in and trying to re-arrange. Finally, nominate a person who is a.) not your photographer and b.) not in the majority of the portraits to be the wrangler and shot-caller. Bridesmaid/Cousin Katie's mom, my aunt Cathy, did this job for us, and nailed it. She had our shot list, announced the people who should be in each photograph, and as a result, our formal portraits were breezy, painless, and finished twenty minutes ahead of schedule.

(All photos courtesy of Corey Ann Photography.)

The immediate Octopus family:



Mr. Octo's sister Kristine and family. They live in Pittsburgh, and we spent our college years heading over to their house in the suburbs every so often to be fed a real meal in a real house. It's the simple things when you're a college student. PS. Littlest Niece is KILLING ME in this photo. She is three and SO CUTE and was such a trooper about posing for pictures!



Mr. Octo's other sister Kathy and her daughters. If you are a real traditionalist who wants very formal wedding photos, you may want to give the kids a once-over. Niece Octo has an armful of Silly Bandz on in all of our portraits, which I think is cute and shows her personality, but it's just something to be aware of in case you think something like that would bug you.





Mr. Octo looks exactly like his father, right down to the green eyes. He does have his mom's chin, though.



Pictures like this will make your parents happy forever. Both Mom and Dad Octopus basically lost their shit over this photo. Personally, no matter how artsy your taste in photography, I think it's nice to have some line-up-and-smile-prettily wedding photos for posterity. Aren't my brother and sister so cute?



I am posting this shot because the "cat who ate the canary" expression on my face cracks me up every time. Basically, this picture is saying, "have you guys SEEN this veil I'm sporting? I'M THE BRIDE, FYI."



Here's the story behind this next photo: as I've mentioned a few times before, Mr. Octo's sisters Kathy and Kristine are his half-sisters from his father's first marriage. When Mr. Octo's dad married his mom, Kathy & Kristine attended the wedding, and the photographer took a photo of Kristine kissing Mr. Octo's mom on the tip of her nose. Years and years later, when Kristine got married, they switched it up and took a portrait of Mr. Octo's mom kissing Kristine on her nose. His family is really sentimental about those two pictures, so on our wedding day, we took a picture of Kristine's daughter kissing me on my nose. I can 100% guarantee that if Mr. Octo's mom had been present on our wedding day, she would have been over the moon about this picture.

The especially good news is that the shot turned out to be really, really, really adorable.



There you have it: the greatest hits from our family portrait session! And with that, Hive, I'm going to take a recapping break for the holidays. I'll see you in 2011 with tales of the one unhappy moment of my wedding day, photos of our bridal party rambling around the University of Pittsburgh campus, and an attempt to capture everything about our wedding reception, aka the most glorious five hours of my life! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Previously, in the Octopus wedding....

• We did errands all the live-long day.
• We ran late, we got stressed, and we argued.
• We rehearsed and had dinner, and had a great time doing it.
• We got fancy with hair and makeup.
• I got bridal.
• I waited and soaked up the moment in Heinz Chapel.
• We processed up the aisle.
• We made it official. 

The Luckiest: Our Ceremony

 "Dearly beloved, we are assembled here in the presence of God and these witnesses to celebrate the joining of this man and this woman in the unity of marriage. There are no obligations on earth sweeter or tender than those you are about to assume. There are no vows more solemn than those you are about to make. There is no human institution more sacred than that of the home you are about to form. True marriage is the holiest of all earthly relationships. The state of matrimony is based this deep, invisible union of two souls who seek to find completion in one another. Do you understand this?"

"We do."

After our short and sweet welcome and declaration of intent, Mr. Octo's sister Kristine stepped up to deliver our first reading.

(All photos courtesy of Corey Ann Photography.)




Union, by Robert Fulghum
You have known each other from the first glance of acquaintance to this point of commitment. At some point, you decided to marry. From that moment of yes, to this moment of yes, indeed, you have been making commitments in an informal way. All of those conversations that were held in a car, or over a meal, or during long walks--all those conversations that began with "when we're married," and continued with "I will," and "you will," and "we will,"--all those late night talks that included "someday" and "somehow" and "maybe"--and all those promises that are unspoken matters of the heart. All these common things, and more, are the real processes of a wedding.

The symbolic vows that you are about to make are a way of saying to one another, “You know all those things that we’ve promised, and hoped, and dreamed – well, I meant it all, every word.”

Look at one another and remember this moment in time. Before this moment, you have been many things to one another--acquaintance, friend, companion, lover, dancing partner, even teacher, for you have learned much from one another these past few years. Shortly you shall say a few words that will take you across a threshold of life, and things between you will never quite be the same.

For after today, you shall say to the world: this is my husband. This is my wife.



And with that, it was time for our vows. We chose to use a spin on the traditional marriage vows. I loved the symbolism of speaking the same words that thousands of married couples have spoken before us, and Mr. Octo was really nervous about the concept of writing his own vows from scratch, so we were in agreement. We personalized them a little, but we didn't get too crazy.

Oh, and you know what they say about being lost in the moment? Totally true for me. There was NO ONE in the room but him and me during this part.

"I, Kenneth, affirm my love to you, Carrie, as I invite you to be my lifelong partner. I promise to love you faithfully, to respect and cherish you, and to be your closest and most constant friend. I will treat you with kindness, selflessness, and trust, and I will strive to build the warm, rich life we look forward to sharing.

To this end, I call upon all present to witness that I take you, Carrie, to be my lawful wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live."



Why is my husband laughing in this next picture? Well, because here's a thing I haven't shared with you: Mr. Octo is a crier. A HUGE crier. He cries about EVERYTHING. Pixar movies, childhood memories, whatever. Everyone knows this about him, and teased him relentlessly in the days leading up to the wedding. I mean, they had good reason to. He cried sitting in the audience of Bridesmaid Erica's wedding last April ("she just looked so beautiful and happy!"). He cried every time he read a draft of our wedding ceremony. He cried at the wedding rehearsal. There was good reason to suspect that he would devolve into a full-on ugly cry during our ceremony.

Well, who made it through his vows with a charmingly throaty voice, but dry eyes? That would be Mr. Gleeful Smirk down there. And who needed a minute to wipe her eyes and regain her composure? Well, that'd be me. The person who is semi-affectionately nicknamed "The Robot" by her husband for her ability to stay cool at all times. The person who would say "even-tempered" is one of her most significant personality traits. Me! Overcome with emotion! Will wonders never cease!



"I, Carrie, affirm my love to you, Kenneth, as I invite you to be my lifelong partner. I promise to love you faithfully, to respect and cherish you, and to be your closest and most constant friend. I will treat you with kindness, selflessness, and trust, and I will strive to build the warm, rich life we look forward to sharing.

To this end, I call upon all present to witness that I take you, Kenneth, to be my lawful husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live."



After our vows, it was time for our rings.

"Traditionally, the passage into marriage is marked by the exchange of rings. The unbroken circle represents the love freely given and received in marriage. May these rings always remind you of the vows you have taken."

"Carrie, with this ring, I choose you as my wife, and I join my life with yours."



"Kenneth, with this ring, I choose you as my husband, and I join my life with yours."



"Carrie and Ken, the two separate candles symbolize your separate lives, separate families, and separate sets of friends. I ask that each of you take one of the lit candles and that together, you light the center candle.

The individual candle represents your lives before you married. Lighting the center candle represents that your two lives are now joined to one light, and represents the joining of your two families and sets of friends to one."



Then, my aunt Cindy stepped up to perform a reading. We used an excerpt from Sandol Stoddard Warburg's children's book, "I Like You." I think this reading has been making the rounds of the wedding blogosphere a lot lately, and I worried a little bit beforehand that it was too "done," too played out. (Like many, many, many other things that have become trendy in wedding media, absolutely no one in attendance knew this but me.) At the end of the day, though, we love this reading a lot, way too much to scrap it for something else. It represents so much of how we feel about each other; it really captures the lightheartedness, the fun, and the friendship that characterizes our relationship.



I Like You, by Sandol Stoddard Warburg
I like you, and I know why. I like you because when I tell you something special, you know it's special, and you remember it a long, long time. When I think something is important, you think it's important too. When I say something funny, you laugh. You know how to be silly. That's why I like you. Boy, are you ever silly. I never met anybody sillier than me till I met you. You really like me, and I really like you back, and you like me back, and I like you back, and that's the way we keep on going, every day.

And I like you because if we go away together, and if we are in Grand Central Station, and if I get lost, then you are the one that is yelling for me.

If you find two four-leaf clovers, you give me one. If I find four, I give you two. If we only find three, we keep on looking. Sometimes we have good luck, and sometimes we don't.

I like you because everything that happens is nicer with you. I can't remember when I didn't like you. It must have been lonesome then.

Even if it was some day in August, even if it was way down at the bottom of November, even if it was no place particular in January, I would go on choosing you, and you would go on choosing me, over and over again. That's how it would happen every time. I guess I just like you. I guess I just like you because I like you."



"Ken and Carrie, you have declared before all of us that you will live together in marriage. You have made special promises to each other, which have been symbolized by the joining of hands, taking of vows, and the giving and receiving of two rings. By the authority vested in me as a Minister in the state of Pennsylvania, I now pronounce you to be husband and wife. Now that the ceremony is over and the experience of living day by day is about to begin, go and meet it gladly. You may seal your vows with a kiss."



"Ladies and gentlemen, it is my honor to present to you for the first time as husband and wife: Mr. and Mrs. Kenneth and Carrie Octopus!" (Haha. Not really on that last part. Wouldn't it be amazing if our last name really was Octopus, though?)






Hive, our ceremony was an intense experience. I don't know that I can really do justice to trying to pin down precisely how it felt, and I'd be willing to bet that the married ladies reading this would agree. All I can say is that I've never felt like that before. It wasn't even necessarily joy that I felt, although that was certainly present; it was more like a feeling of seriousness, of enormity. Promising to love and stay with a person throughout everything, forever, is no small thing. It's beautiful, but serious, and deep. I felt the bigness of that commitment very thoroughly as I said my vows and listened to him say his. And I'm not kidding about the fact that everyone else in that huge chapel disappeared. I was in a bubble with Mr. Octo. It was the two of us, and the person marrying us, and that was it. I was standing in a huge, grand space, with over a hundred people watching our every move, and the only thing in the world I saw were his bright green eyes.

Previously, in the Octopus wedding....

• We did errands all the live-long day.
• We ran late, we got stressed, and we argued.
• We rehearsed and had dinner, and had a great time doing it.
• We got fancy with hair and makeup.
• I got bridal.
• I waited and soaked up the moment in Heinz Chapel. 
• We processed up the aisle. 

The Luckiest: Making Our Way Up the Aisle

The pre-processional began with Groomsman/Brother Adam escorting Grandma Octopus up the aisle. This is another of my very, very favorite photos, because of how lovingly my brother is looking at our grandmother.

(All photos courtesy of Corey Ann Photography.)



Next up were Grammy & Poppa Octopus.



Okay, before I go on, can I offer you a small rant? Our officiant was not someone we had a personal relationship with; he does a lot of wedding ceremonies in the Pittsburgh area, and he and his wife advertise themselves as a bit of a team, with him doing the actual ceremonies, and her doing all the administrative stuff. They assured me they'd done many, many ceremonies at Heinz Chapel before, and were very familiar with all the rules of the site.

Now, I have no complaints about their actual services. They were prompt and helpful, they offered us a totally customized ceremony, and it was delivered nicely. But. If you have done lots of ceremonies at Heinz Chapel, then you most definitely know that photography is highly restricted there. Corey was fixed in one pew, with very little freedom to move around, while her second shooter was placed in the balcony above.

So the officiant's wife's choice to stand in the back row, on the opposite side from where Corey was shooting, thereby being a very noticeable presence in EVERY SINGLE ONE of our processional shots, was more than a little baffling and frustrating to me. You will see her standing in the corner of eeeeeevery picture of the bridal party. ARGH.

So, anyway, after my grandparents proceeded up the aisle, it was Mr. Octo's nieces' turn. If you recall, this portion of the ceremony was a tribute to Mr. Octo's mom. Daffodils were her favorite flower, so the girls carried daffodils up to the altar to place in a vase behind the groom's side of the unity candle. I am told that they did a GREAT job with this responsibility and took it very seriously, walking slowly and adorably up the aisle.





Next, Dad Octopus escorted Mom Octopus up the aisle. I love this picture, because come on, look at their faces. I think my mom's face would actually break in half if she were smiling any bigger.



Mom, Dad, and all the Nieces Octopus proceeded up the altar to light the taper candles for the lighting of the unity candle.





Then, it was time for the "official" processional. The really dramatic organ music started up, and the bridal party began walking up the aisle. (To get the full effect, you have to imagine me just around the edge of the doorway, just absolutely sweating bullets and shrieking, on the inside, with excitement and nerves and disbelief.)



(GAH! GET OUT OF THE SHOT, OFFICIANT'S WIFE!)






Also, I have to confess that this next picture (and bridal party pairing) always makes me smile a little extra. Ben is the only one of the groomsmen who is equally as much my friend as he is Mr. Octo's. We each met Ben independently of each other, before we started dating (he sat next to Mr. Octo in Heinz Chapel Choir practice, and he lived down the hall from Bridesmaid Erica and I in our freshman year dorm). Groomsman Ben, Bridesmaid Erica, and I got up to ALL kinds of shenanigans together when we were young and dumb. I have a whole lot of ridiculous memories with these two people right here.





(Me at the time: OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD ONLY ONE PAIR LEFT.........!!!!)



My groom waited at the end of the aisle.



Dad Octopus and I prepared ourselves at the back of the chapel. I'll always remember what he said to me when he got back there from walking Mom Octopus up to the unity candle: "Wow! Look at YOU!"

The bridal processional began to play. I'm not afraid of a little fanfare and drama, so from the limited choices Heinz Chapel offers, Mr. Octo and I picked an organ piece that you might call......majestic? You can hear it here, although it sounds quite a bit more BOOMING when played on an organ:



Anyway, Dad Octopus told me later that standing in the doorway of the chapel arm in arm with me, looking ahead to all our wedding guests while that dramatic music played, was the "moment of a lifetime" for him. That made me so happy to hear!

The wedding coordinator had us pause in the doorway for a few beats (the staff likes to WORK the moment of the bridal entrance, I think), and then we stepped inside as the music thundered around us. It was such a huge, overwhelming moment, I feel like all coherent thoughts left my head. I don't even remember thinking, "wow," or anything like that. I was just breathing and walking and feeling.



I love these next two photos, because you can pinpoint the exact moment that Mr. Octo and I made eye contact with each other. Look at those grins.





After what felt like forever (Heinz Chapel's aisle is LONG!!!!), my father and I reached the altar.



We hugged...



...he and Mr. Octo hugged, and then I stepped up to the altar with the man who was just a few minutes away from becoming my husband.



Previously, in the Octopus wedding...

• We did errands all the live-long day.
• We ran late, we got stressed, and we argued.
• We rehearsed and had dinner, and had a great time doing it.
• We got fancy with hair and makeup.
• I got bridal.
• I waited and soaked up the moment in Heinz Chapel. 

The Luckiest: The Moments Before

As planned, my bridesmaids and I rolled up to Heinz Chapel chauffeured by Mom Octopus in her slammin' Dodge Caravan. She pulled into the primo spot right behind the Chapel, and the parking attendant informed her, "oh, I'm sorry, ma'am, this spot is reserved for the bridal limousine." Bridal limousine? You're lookin' at it, buddy. Bridal minivan or bust!

Oh, I'm sorry, what was that? You'd like some pre-ceremony chapel eye candy? Sure, I guess I can show you a little somethin'.

(All photos courtesy of Corey Ann Photography.)

 




These windows tingle my spine every time. They are seventy-three feet tall. While I love these photos, I've yet to see a photo anywhere that completely captures how truly stunning this place is. What I also love about the windows is that they honor both men and women equally, and represent moments in history, literature, philosophy, and music, as well as religion. Emily Dickinson, Da Vinci, Isaac Newton, Pocahontas, and Shakespeare are just some of the figures depicted in the windows.



My cousins Jenna and Meagan welcomed guests and distributed programs, while the Octo-Groomsmen waited to gallantly escort people into the pews.



Poppa Octopus waited quietly for the wedding ceremony of his first grandchild to begin.



Meanwhile, downstairs in the bridal dressing room, the Octo-Maids were convening for some last-minute primping and readying. Heinz Chapel has a secret side entrance that the bride and her party get whisked away into, so that guests (and the groom!) don't catch a glimpse of them before the ceremony. Getting me inside had this air of Secret and Official Business. I sort of felt like I was in the CIA or something.

This picture makes me laugh, because I know exactly what was going on as it was taken. MOH/Sister Lauren had been in charge of holding my copy of my vows in her purse, but at the same moment she went to the bathroom, our officiant stopped by to pick them up and hold on to them for me for the ceremony. I grabbed them out of her purse, and in my mild fluster, forgot to tell her. Lauren subsequently thought, for a moment, that she had lost my only copy of my wedding vows. Here's what she was saying as picture was being taken: "Ooooohhhh maannnnn, I seriously just almost--*camera click*--shit myself when I thought I lost those vows! (MOH/Sister Lauren is very fond of vulgar bodily humor. She shares a deep bond with her new brother-in-law over this.)



Mom Octopus fussed with my necklace one more time....



....and then it was time for my favorite thing in the whole world. The thing that made me feel more bridal and special and awesome than any other part of my entire ensemble, possibly even more than my actual wedding gown: my beautiful, beautiful, beautiful veil.



I touched up my lip gloss one more time (and, also, how COOL is this shot Corey caught?!).



The next few moments were some of the most special of our entire wedding day. I was totally ready, and just moments away from heading upstairs, and up the aisle to marry Mr. Octo. I paused for just a few quiet moments and took it all in.  



It was just a really special, amazing moment, in which I felt really present. I don't even feel silly telling you that as all of us in the room realized what was about to happen, there was honestly a little bit of awe in the air.

As I fluffed my veil, my bridesmaids gathered around me and looked at me, too. They were so sweet, telling me, "you look perfect," and "you look like you just stepped off the cover of a magazine." I felt really beautiful, you know? It's a moment that I hope every bride gets a chance to feel on her wedding day, a moment where you just feel really, really, really beautiful.



Then, I decided I was pretty psyched.



The coordinator had been periodically stopping by to update us on what was going on upstairs, how long until we needed to prepare to line up, and so on. When she stuck her head in and said, "five minutes," I felt truly stunned. I couldn't believe the time was almost here.

Then, the pre-processional began. The coordinator called my mom up the short flight of stairs to begin her walk up the aisle to light the unity candle. Shortly after that, she called my bridesmaids upstairs, to line up with their groomsmen. When they were all arranged, she came back and called for me. It was time.

Previously, in the Octopus wedding....


We did errands all the live-long day.
We ran late, we got stressed, and we argued.
We rehearsed and had dinner, and had a great time doing it.
We got fancy with hair and makeup.
I got bridal.